These days we all seem to be living
past the speed of life. Everything is
24/7. Everything is now, now, now—go,
go, go. Oh, but how we love the speed
of our new “e-life” because it makes everything so convenient and so easy, and
so very quick. But not everything in
life needs to be convenient, easy, and quick. Some things, like raising a
family, are anything but easy and quick.
Yet, that’s not what we’re teaching and showing our kids.
We are wonderful “e-models” for our
kids who are learning about the “e-life.”
Showing them how our “conversations” in restaurants revolve around
texting people not at our table. Or how
we can chat with 3000 “friends” and still be lonely. Or how we can break up, make up, propose, and
divorce someone without ever having to talk to them face to face—and we think
that’s normal. Or how we can successfully watch our kids play a soccer game and
keep up with our Facebook page at the same time.
Our kids are watching us all the
time. Especially when we’re not watching
them. They know the glow. The glow of the screen on our face. The glow means we’re gone. They know and they get it. They’re learning from us how to ignore one
another. How to be isolated. How to talk without communicating. That’s the
legacy we are leaving them. And
remember, our legacy is the gift that keeps on giving, whether we want it to or
not.
I find it fascinating that in a New York
Times interview with Steve Jobs, a reporter assumed that Steve’s kids lived on
iPads. Job’s replied, “We limit how much
technology our kids use at home.” The
reporter was dumfounded. He assumed that the Job’s house was “like a nerd’s
paradise: that the walls were giant touch screens, the dining table was made
from tiles of iPads and that iPods were handed out to guests like chocolates on
a pillow.” “Nope,” Mr. Jobs told him, “not even close.”
Steve Jobs left an incredible legacy
to the world with Apple. He also left an
amazing legacy to his family that wasn’t an I-pad. It was time with people he cared about—his
family. It was about connection between
people—not between screens. So, if Steve Jobs can figure out how to balance the
great digital dilemma of our modern life, so can we.
We have a decision to make. A legacy to create. Whether or not we want to our family to be
ruled by the “e-life” or for us to rule it. But we have to make the decision. And not making a decision is also making a
decision. If we are adamant about
reconnecting with our families in this digital age, then let’s do it. And do it the right way!
Where do we begin?
First, your family needs to create a
“Digital Mission Statement.” Companies
create these statements as a declaration of what they stand for and as roadmap
of where they’re going. You’ll have to
sit down with your family, face-to-face, and talk about what it means to be a
family in this digital world—and how you are going to set boundaries and what
they should be. It can be a simple list
of do’s and don’ts that you’ll all abide by. Write it down to make it
real. Post it on the refrigerator door
to make it more real. Creating this
statement is the first step in creating this legacy of putting your family first
and electronics second.
Now for all the adults, here’s what
really difficult—the biggest decision you have to make is actually following
your own rules. Yes, I know it’s more
fun as a parent to practice “do as I say but not as I do.” But the payoff will be amazing. Your kids will talk to you—and you to them. Oh, and you’ll earn their respect.
Second biggest decision? Don’t buy them “candy.” A mom once complained to me that her kids ate
too much candy. “Where did they get it
from?” I asked. She replied, “I buy
it.” I said, “Well, stop buying them
candy . . .” So what’s the digital
moral of this story? If you buy it, they
will use it. Think before you buy. Remember your Mission Statement.
For most families, the “e-genie” is
already out of the bottle so stuffing it back in will not be easy. Before everyone goes into e-shock, you have
to slowly take everyone off their digital addiction, step by step, screen by
screen. (If this sounds like a drug
rehab program . . .)
Lastly, and it’s really simple. Create what I call a “e-Free” zone. It can be anywhere or anytime. The dinner table is a perfect “e-Free”
zone. No cell phones or TV. No texting under the table. Nothing that emits electrons near your
food. Now talk. What?
Yes, talk. Ask questions about
each other’s day. Talk about the
news. Or books you’ve read. Or friends that are having or aren’t having
problems. Or vacation plans. But mostly
talk. Once, twice, or thrice a
week. But just do it! We owe it to our children to teach them how
to talk and have relationships. Dinnertime
is a great place to begin this legacy of communication.
You’ve begun the most important part
of this journey with your family.
Creating a legacy of wanting to be together and enjoying being together.
Of connecting with your family again.
And that is one of the most amazing gifts you can give to yourself and to
them.
Author Bio: Carew Papritz, also known as The Cowboy Philosopher, is the author of the multi-award winning book “The Legacy Letters.” This best-selling author left his career as a filmmaker in Hollywood, and returning to his ranching roots, worked as a cowboy on a cattle ranch in the Southwest where he began writing his book. “The Legacy Letters,” though fictional, has also won acclaim as a life lessons book for all generations, gaining the distinction of being the only book in publishing history to win awards in both fiction and non-fiction categories. A Renaissance Man in an age that lauds the specialist, The Huffington Post says Papritz "intrigues and enlightens, charms and catalyzes change for every reader."
Author Bio: Carew Papritz, also known as The Cowboy Philosopher, is the author of the multi-award winning book “The Legacy Letters.” This best-selling author left his career as a filmmaker in Hollywood, and returning to his ranching roots, worked as a cowboy on a cattle ranch in the Southwest where he began writing his book. “The Legacy Letters,” though fictional, has also won acclaim as a life lessons book for all generations, gaining the distinction of being the only book in publishing history to win awards in both fiction and non-fiction categories. A Renaissance Man in an age that lauds the specialist, The Huffington Post says Papritz "intrigues and enlightens, charms and catalyzes change for every reader."
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