Help your kids through puberty and beyond. Dr. Pickering knows that your children are going to face unique and difficult issues as they grow up. To help you prepare, A Modern Approach to the Birds and the Bees covers controversial and sensitive topics, diving into questions that many parents are afraid to ask. The chapters are written in an accessible format that will be easy for parents to understand and pass on to their kids. This book also takes an inclusive approach to sex education, capturing the unique concerns and questions related to modern sexuality, including:
- Issues related to social media and the internet
- Topics such as consent and personal safety
- Unique concerns in the LGBTQ+ community
- Safe sex for those who chose to be sexually active
- Effective promotion of abstinence
- Accessing appropriate healthcare resources and information
Parents looking for age-appropriate books on sexuality and puberty like Celebrate Your Body (and Its Changes, Too!), Growing Up Great!, Boys & Sex, and Girls & Sex will love the scientifically based educational tools in A Modern Approach to the Birds and the Bees.
I had a chance to interview Dr. Pickering to learn more.
Why did you write this book?
I wrote this book to give parents the resource they need to help keep young people of all ages safe, empowered, and healthy. For many students, even if sexuality education is offered in schools, it is typically limited in content, sometimes inaccurate, and often leaves many kids out.
Young people are exposed to more sexual content than ever before. With changing social and technological exposures children may find themselves with questions about puberty, sexual identity and orientation, sexting, pornography, healthy relationships, and issues related to consent. Many parents find themselves wanting to talk to their children effectively about sex, but they just don’t know how or when to do that. Research indicates that young people whose parents effectively communicated with them are more likely to delay sex, have a decreased risk of sexual assault, have a decreased risk of exploitation, have fewer partners, and use contraception if they do have sex.
With this book, my hope is that parents have an easy to understand, scientifically accurate guide to discussing sexuality, including year-by-year suggestions of topics to share with children.
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Why is it important for parents to recognize that conveying information to their children is going to be different than when they were kids and teens?
Children today face many unique challenges related to sexuality. In a post #MeToo world, many parents are recognizing the importance of cultivating responsibility related to issues around consent. It is important that parents can effectively talk to children about how to respect others and keep themselves safe.
Messages about sexuality are embedded into video games, music, advertising, and social media. Additionally, youth have access to pornography through the internet in a way that generations before have not experienced. And this is not just those who are seeking it. According to recent research published in the journal Pediatrics, 42% of internet users between the ages of 10-17 had been exposed to online pornography in the last year. Of those who been exposed, 66% reported “only unwanted exposure” (referring mostly to shared unsolicited pictures and emails or shared files).
There are also potential legal consequences related to consent, sexting, and pornography that are important to communicate to young people.
Young people are also exposed to sexual content at younger ages than ever before and can easily turn to the internet and other “less than desirable” sources if questions about sexuality are not addressed from trusted sources. It is more important than ever before that parents be armed with accurate information about sexuality, contemporary challenges, and be able to effectively communicate with children about the complexities of the modern world.
Modern conversations about sexuality must be more comprehensive than the “one and done” discussions about puberty and intercourse that may have been more commonplace in previous generations.
Why is it important to start conversations with kids early?
Effective comprehensive sexuality education (including parental conversations) starts young and can help children develop skills to protect themselves against sexual coercion, intimidation, and abuse. Perhaps the most successful example of this approach is in the Netherlands, where formal sexuality education starts as early as 4 years of age. Their rights and responsibility approach contributes to the Netherlands having one of the world’s lowest teenage pregnancy rates, one of the highest rates of contraception use, and significantly lower rates of STI infection including HIV infection rates five times lower than that of the United States.
Additionally, a more comprehensive approach to sexual education can have many other benefits. A growing body of research indicates that kids who are exposed to a comprehensive sexuality education experience showed: improved academic success; lesser rates of child sexual abuse; decreased risk of dating violence and bullying; healthier relationships; delayed sexual initiation; reduced unintended pregnancy, HIV and other STIs; and reduced sexual health disparities among LGBTQ youth.
Effective parental conversations are an important part of a comprehensive sexuality education. Creating a safe and welcoming place for young people to ask questions related to sexuality, at an early age, can lay the foundation that will make the more difficult conversations of the teen years less intimidating.
If parents haven't had conversations early, how can they make them less awkward for older kids and teens?
The book offers an age appropriate guide that can serve as a topic by topic “discussion prompt” of sorts. It also contains information about a variety of subjects so that adults who may have not had much exposure to sexuality education themselves can feel confident, effective, and informed. Tips throughout the text will also help parents to get started with discussions, even if they have never talked about sexuality with young people before.
Robin Pickering is currently an Associate Professor of Health Sciences specializing in Community Health and is a Program Director of Women’s and Gender Studies in Spokane Washington. For 17 years she has taught in both public and private universities about topics related to health. Within university and community settings she has passionately advocated for a comprehensive, honest, and inclusive approach to sexuality education. Her research interests include topics related to sexuality education, women’s health issues, health risk behaviors, and health equity. Robin received her PhD in Education with an emphasis on Health and Psychology, a Master of Science degree in Exercise Science and Pedagogy, and a bachelor’s degree in Health Promotion and Wellness. She serves on various boards that support community health and diversity, equity and inclusion. She also works in a consulting capacity with athletic teams and businesses to promote gender equity and prevent sexual assault and harassment.
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