Once you find the thing that you’re really excited about, you need to devise a plan to make that happen and then stick with it. This is what will make you a doer and not a talker or a dreamer. We are not truly defined by our intentions, our aims, or our ideals. In reality, we are defined by our actions and these are what will make us successful or otherwise.
You want people to stop rolling their eyes when you tell them about your plans and instead to be a person who carries real weight and gravitas when you explain your plans. When you say you’re going to travel around the world, you want people to know that that is really going to happen.
But actually, one of the ways you do that is to stop telling people at all. Why? Because according to some studies, telling people your dreams and plans is actually one of the surest ways to ensure they don’t happen.
And why is that? Well for starters, it suggests that you’re looking for external validation. Remember what we said about your passion being intrinsically motivating? That means that simply engaging in that activity or working toward that goal should be enough. You shouldn’t need a reward and you certainly shouldn’t need accolades from others.
If you’re really fascinated with your book project, then you should be quite happy to work on that project in your spare time without ever needing to tell anyone about it! This is a much more powerful form of motivation and drive than anything you can get from people telling you that they think you’ve done a great job!
The other problem with telling people your plans is that it creates a ‘psychic release’ of sorts. That sounds crazy I know but what I mean by this, is that it gives you a sense of reward and relief. More to the point, telling someone your plans actually means that you can adopt those plans as part of your identity even before anything has happened.
So for instance, if your goal is to quit smoking, then you might feel a great sense of reward just by telling people that you’re planning on quitting smoking. That is to say, that you tell someone you’re going to stop smoking and then suddenly, you feel as though you’re already not a smoker anymore. People will praise you and tell you ‘well done’ even before you’ve actually quit and you’ll feel safe in the knowledge that other people now know that you don’t want to be a smoker. It sounds crazy but this can then remove the incentive to actually quit! You’ve already got the sense of reward, so you don’t need to put the effort in!
But then again, there are scenarios where it does to pay people, or at least to tell some people.
And there are two reasons that this can be the case.
The first is that telling people can help you to feel as though you have stakes. When you tell someone you plan on losing weight for example, you then know that they’re watching you and waiting to see if you actually achieve your goals. This can create a social pressure that actually can be very helpful in motivating you along.
And you can actually make this even more the case by encouraging people to call you on your actions. Get a friend to watch you and make sure you are sticking to your goals and doing what you said. They can monitor your performance and if you don’t do what you said you’d do, you could even get them to somehow enact a form of punishment. Tim Ferriss recommends getting a friend to donate your money to a charity that you don’t like if you don’t achieve your goals. That’s some powerful motivation right there!
The other reason is that telling people can mean you have a partner in crime. This is sometimes actually a requirement, while in other cases, it will be a very useful asset.
The scenarios where it is actually necessary to tell someone about your plans tend to pertain to your relationships. That is to say, that if you’re in a relationship with someone and your hope is to go travelling or to spend money on the hoes, then you’re going to need to get them on board before you go ahead.
But even where you don’t need them to agree, it can help a great deal to have your partner along for the ride. This is particularly true when it comes to dieting. One of the hardest parts of sticking to a diet is often the social aspect and this comes from our relationships a lot. If you’re married or in a long-term relationships, then no doubt you will spend evenings eating pizza in front of the TV, you’ll share a box of indulgent chocolates from time to time, or you’ll go out for romantic meals.
When you’ve decided to go ‘no carb’, it is a lot harder to have a romantic meal. And it’s a lot harder to enjoy pizza in front of the TV too. This is why having your partner along for the ride can make all the difference as this way, the diet becomes something you can do together, rather than something that you are doing that may seem unsociable.
Better yet is finding a gym buddy. A gym buddy is someone who can come along on your workouts, help to spot you through the heavy lifts and give you encouragement and motivation as you’re running. This can make a big difference to your motivation and make the whole experience of going to the gym a lot more enjoyable. Moreover, when you have a gym buddy, you have someone that you don’t want to disappoint. If you skip a session, then you’ll be leaving them in the lurch and that creates extra pressure to go. Likewise, there will be times when they are feeling low and you help to pull them through.
And better again then that is finding people who are as passionate as you about a business idea. If you can find people to go into business with and you all truly believe that your idea has real potential – that it is something that could change the world or at least make you a lot of money – then you’re going to find that the passion and excitement in your group becomes contagious and that everyone in the group helps to buoy and excite everyone else. This can be a great feeling and it is something that all of the very best startup companies have in common.
It’s a state that is often referred to as a state of ‘flow’ and it’s what you feel when you’re so impassioned about something that you become highly focused and it’s all that all of you can talk about and think about.
So what’s the real scoop here? Should you tell people your plans or not?
Well, that depends on how you do it and the nature of your plans. It’s a great idea to tell people your goals if you are looking for a partner. If you think you can get other people excited about what you’re doing and get other people on your side, then speak to people and get them excited. What you mustn’t do though, is tell everyone how you’re going to be rich, famous or well-travelled – as that is very likely to make you much more of a talker than a doer.
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