Parenting Pointers: Parenting Tips to Subdue Your Child’s Temper Tantrums

By Laurie Hollman, Ph.D

Tantrums occur when a child’s system of managing her feelings and thoughts collapses. It’s an expression in external action of internal feelings over which the child is seeking control. The best thing you can do as a parent is learn to understand the reason for the tantrums, to face the outburst without losing your composure and to help your child find a better way of displaying her intense emotions.

Temper tantrums may look similar, but the reasons for them vary considerably. A typical sign of a problem is when the child has trouble tolerating being told “No” in response to something he wants. This is often seen as the cause, but it’s usually evidence of inner difficulties that need to be deciphered in order to help the child. A tantrum that follows a parent or caregiver saying “No” is usually just the tip of the iceberg. Internal and external stressors prior to that have paved the way for the tantrum. Look for meaning beyond how the child reacts to the word “No.” 

Children with ADHD, learning disabilities or sensory problems deal with additional frustrations compared to other children, so they’re more likely to have tantrums. Similarly, children with anxiety, phobias, depression, experiences of traumatic events or a tendency to feel over-stimulated may fall apart when they’re overwhelmed with excessive worries and fears.

Use these tips to help interpret and subdue the emotions behind your child’s temper tantrums:

1. Help your child name feelings. Early on, teach youngsters feeling language, like happy, sad, mad and glad. As they grow older, give them the nuances of anger, such as irritated, frustrated, disappointed, annoyed and hurt. Vocabulary is important in helping the child to assess how angry he feels and why. Naming the emotions gives him the opportunity to express himself in words rather than physical actions when he’s upset. 

2. Acknowledge the anger. It’s important that you tolerate angry feelings and not try to dissuade your child or teen from having these feelings. Your child or teen shouldn’t feel that you’re afraid of his emotions or that you’ll judge him harshly for having them. A child or teen needs to know that having and expressing anger doesn’t make him a bad person. 

3. Remain calm amid the storm. As a parent, the best way to help your child during a tantrum is to remain calm. Children need to know their tantrums aren’t so powerful and scary that you can’t withstand them. It’s important for the child to know that her anger doesn’t overpower you and that you’re able to hear and endure the anger. Experiencing anger can actually frighten your child, and she needs to know that having and expressing such emotions doesn’t frighten you, too. This will help her to know that she can share her feelings with you.

4. Teach self-regulation. When the tantrum behavior slips outside the home, embarrassment becomes a part of the equation. You may need to take fast action in order to prevent humiliation for both you and your child. If possible, attend quickly to what the child needs or remove the child from the situation. Leaving a public place is not a way to punish the child -- it’s a way to quickly reduce the 
stimulation and stop the outburst. Later, when everyone is calm, speak to your child about the situation. If the child is very young, her attention span is likely to be short, but a quick description of the problem along with a simple and easy rule like this can work: “Being upset belongs at home where we can solve problems.” Containing her anger and delaying its expression until a more appropriate time can only be internalized by a child if the parent also follows the tenets of self-regulation.

5. Help to ease transitions. Children who have difficulty with unexpected or planned transitions between activities may tantrum at those times or immediately afterward. You can prepare a younger child for a planned transition by advising him there are five minutes left before the change. You can give an older child an idea of the sequence of activities for the day so he feels prepared for what’s ahead. 


Tantrums that last more than half an hour and are unusually intense with flailing limbs and shocking shrieks where the child or teen seems to be unaware of the world around her may end in the youngster being exhausted, falling asleep, and later not remembering the tantrum. These actions and emotions, especially in children four years and older, are not typical and need special attention. Some young people who have tantrums, particularly later in life, may have a neurological disorder such as a bipolar disorder.

*      *      *

Laurie Hollman, Ph.D, is a psychoanalyst with specialized clinical training in infant-parent, child, adolescent, and adult psychotherapy a unique practice that covers the life span. Dr. Hollman is widely published on topics relevant to parents and children such as juried articles and chapters in the international Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, The International Journal of Infant Observation and the Inner World of the Mother. She is the author of Unlocking Parental Intelligence – Finding Meaning in Your Child’s Behavior, winner of the Mom’s Choice Award, and the Busy Parent’s Guides series of books: The Busy Parent’s Guide to Managing Anxiety in Children and Teens – The Parental Intelligence Way, and The Busy Parent’s Guide to Managing Anger in Children and Teens – The Parental Intelligence Way (Familius, Aug. 1, 2018). Learn more at  lauriehollmanph.com. 

Fun Freetime: How to Teach a New Game

When you're sitting down with your child with a new game, sometimes it's hard to know exactly how to give instructions. It can feel like you're jumping all over the place, and pretty soon, you're both confused.
There are certain steps you can take to help teach someone something new. The following steps are broad enough that when you follow them, they'll help you teach any game, or even any new topic or activity you introduce to your kids.

So, let's end the gaming confusion now and let the fun begin with these 6 easy teaching steps:

Step 1
Tell them how to win the game in one sentence. Here, you're not giving away the strategy. Instead, you're encouraging your child to think independently about how to win the game.

Step 2 
Describe the game's mechanics. This gives your child the basic idea of how to formulate a winning strategy. 

Step 3
Take a mock turn. In this step, walk them through the simple mechanics of a turn. Demonstrate how a turn will look, and what actions are required to complete a turn. If you've got the time, let each player take a mock turn to get the hang of the game before you officially start keeping score.

Step 4
Fill in any holes. If you think there's an important component of the game they need to know before beginning, state it now. Otherwise, you can usually begin and if something comes up, explain it then to avoid any confusion before your child gets the overall gist of the game.

Step 5
Let everyone know how the game ends, and what conditions need to be in place to finish the game. 

Step 6
Start playing! Inevitably, things will come up which you'll need to explain, but following these steps will get you started quickly and easily. 

RoosterFin Games always uploads a how-to video for each of their games to our Youtube channel. To keep up-to-date, make sure you subscribe. And if you need some more information on how to quickly start any game or activity, head on over to the blog! They've covered these steps in more detail and added some real-life examples, too.

Caring Causes: Salvation Army and Morries Automotive

For the over half million children in Minnesota living in low-income homes, the cost of back-to-school shopping is a big burden. During the month of August, the Twin Cities Salvation Army and Morrie's Automotive teamed up to help Minnesota families in need by collecting backpacks at Morrie’s locations across the state.

On August 15^th, Morrie’s is delivering approximately six thousand new backpacks to the Twin Cities Salvation Army. During the event, local children will select their new backpack and fill them with supplies needed for the upcoming school year.

According to the 2017 Huntington Backpack Index, in the last decade, the cost of school supplies has risen 88 percent for elementary students, 81 percent for middle school students and 68 percent for high school students.

While many of the people The Salvation Army serves are working, most do not have extra money for new backpacks and supplies for their children. The backpacks collected across the Twin Cities will make a real difference in the lives of Minnesota children, so they can start school feeling like they fit in and can focus on what’s important: learning, making friends, and participating in activities.

Consumer Critique: MyFlipShade

Smartphones can function as so many different things, taking the place of multiple vacation needs - GPS for directions, camera for keeping memories, search engine for finding attractions, and even a way to work on transportation and shopping. But sometimes that means you're trying to use your phone in less-than-ideal light conditions.

Bright sun makes it nearly impossible to read, meaning you need to try to shade the phone with hand or body or find shade nearby. I recently had a chance to review myFlipShade, which makes it easy to not only bring shade for your phone wherever you go, but also provides privacy from nearby people (so it's great for checking your phone on the bus or other public areas).

It's easy to use - it attaches to the back of the phone, folding flat when not in use. When you do need it, it's easy to flip around to make a shield. It doesn't obstruct viewing for the primary user at all. However, it makes it nearly impossible for other people to see your screen by accident - so you can tell when someone is obviously reading over your shoulder. It also works well for sun, providing just enough shade to cut glare.

Bonus - if you have kids trying to watch video on your phone, it works as a phone stand to keep it up, making it easier to share (I know my kids fight over who gets to hold it, and with this, I can just tell them to put it down). It says it's for iPhone, but because of the way it's made, it would work for nearly any smart phone.

If you've had problems with privacy or glare while using your smartphone, myFlipShade is a good solution!

Caring Causes: A Mission of Mercy – Minnesota Dental Professionals Provide Free Dental Care

The Minnesota Dental Association and the Minnesota Dental Foundation will be bringing the Minnesota Mission of Mercy to the Minneapolis Convention Center on Friday, September 7 and Saturday, September 8. Minnesota Mission of Mercy is a community event that provides free dental care, over a two-day period, for patients facing barriers to care. Financial support for the event comes from the generosity of several organizations, including Delta Dental of Minnesota Foundation as the leading sponsor with a $225,000 grant.

The Minneapolis Convention Center will host over 1,500 committed volunteers, including dentists, hygienists, dental assistants, dental therapists, translators and lay volunteers. Organizers of the event plan to welcome as many as 2,000 patients seeking care. Services provided include cleanings, fillings, root canals on select teeth, extractions and oral hygiene instruction.

Dr. Alejandro Aguirre, chair of the 2018 Mission of Mercy event, says, “We are proud to offer free dental care to the underserved population in the state of Minnesota. Many Minnesotans, including dentists, are generously donating their time and talents to give back to our community in a meaningful way. The number of people that come together to make this event possible is simply overwhelming.”

“Delta Dental of Minnesota Foundation is honored to help make this event possible again this year, and proud to say that in addition to this financial support, nearly all Delta Dental employees will volunteer at the event,” says Joe Lally, executive director of Delta Dental of Minnesota Foundation. “We are so grateful to the generous dental professionals who donate their expertise and time for people in need.”

This is the sixth year a Mission of Mercy event is being held in Minnesota, with free care provided being valued at over $8 million since 2012. To support the cause, text Smile10 or Smile25 to 20222 to make a donation of $10 or $25.

Before You Go (Patient Information)

Dental care will be offered to adults and children of all ages. Doors open at 5:30 a.m. Children under 18 must be accompanied by a parent or guardian. Early arrival is encouraged as patients will be seen on a first-come, first-serve basis until capacity is reached each day. Those seeking treatment should be prepared to spend the entire day at the event. Full dentures, root canals on molars, crowns, extractions of unexposed wisdom teeth and dental implants will not be provided. Patients will be given a registration and release form to complete, however they will not be checking IDs or any other personal documentation.

About Mission of Mercy

Mission of Mercy is entirely volunteer run and donation based. Monetary and in-kind gifts are critical to ensuring the success of Mission of Mercy. To make a cash donation to help cover the costs of equipment and supplies necessary for this event, visit www.mndental.org/about/foundation/give.

About the Minnesota Dental Foundation

The Minnesota Dental Foundation provides a means for dentists and others to experience the collective power of giving, with an opportunity to invest in the future of dentistry and the future of the people and communities it serves. The MDF has raised over $250,000 in donations from organizations and individuals to support this year’s event. Delta Dental of Minnesota Foundation has been a long-time supporter of the Minnesota Mission of Mercy and is once again the signature sponsor of the event. Delta Dental of Minnesota Foundation works to expand access to dental care for Minnesota’s underserved populations.

About the Minnesota Dental Association

The Minnesota Dental Association is the voice of dentistry in Minnesota, representing practicing dentists. It is committed to the highest standards of oral health and access to care for all Minnesotans. You can learn more at www.mndental.org. The Minnesota Dental Association is a part of the American Dental Association, the nation’s largest dental association, representing 158,000 dentist members.

To learn more about the event, or to volunteer, visit www.mnmom.org

Amazing Apps: New App Lets Kids Earn Stock in Major Companies by Doing Chores

 BusyKid reinvents chores as kids’ first jobs, key to their future financial success

While generation after generation have faced many of the same challenges when it comes to raising children, it appears as if there has never been a more critical time than now in the development process to teach kids about a strong work ethic and managing money.

Currently millions of Americans have no savings, are weighted down with huge debt and can’t take advantage of a booming stock market. Studies have shown that a major contributor to these issues is a lack of financial education. BusyKid provides real “life lessons” through hands-on experience of earning, saving, sharing, spending, and investing real allowance each week.

BusyKid is the first chore/allowance app where children can earn, save, share, spend, and invest real money wisely. It is now available for free download in the Apple and Google Play stores and the timing couldn’t be better.

“Parents are raising children in a very difficult environment today,” said BusyKid Co-Founder/CEO Gregg Murset. “Being raised in a time when money transactions are invisible and handled remotely can be confusing for anyone, but especially children. Without the aid of schools teaching important financial lessons, it’s no wonder young adults are having difficulties managing money.”

Chores and allowance are two hotly debated topics among parents. Some feel their kids are worked hard enough between school and extra-curricular activities. Others expect their kids to help out around the house either for a reward or simply as a member of the family who needs to contribute to the happiness and well-being of the group. BusyKid takes a new approach, framing chores as a tool parents can use to set their kids up for future financial success.

“We suggest that parents help their children to overcome the challenges of being raised in the digital age by introducing chores as early as age three or four,” added Murset. “I also think using a system that functions like a real-world job instead of relying on chore charts or rewarding kids with stickers and points provides life lessons that will be needed soon enough.” 

For example, BusyKid features pre-loaded chores based on children’s ages that parents can customize as needed. Kids easily log into their account, review their tasks and mark them off when completed. Kids receive allowance every Friday (Payday) after parents check the work to verify that it was completed and approve a text message to ok the transfer of funds.

After getting paid, children can save some money, donate some and use the rest to buy gift cards, get cash, buy shares of real stock or make purchases by using the BusyKid VISA Prepaid Spend Card. 

BusyKid is only $14.95 a year for an entire family and is available in the Apple Store and Google Play.  For more information about BusyKid, visit http://www.busykid.com. 

Money Makers: 4 Ways To Create A Workplace Environment That Breeds Greatness

Check out the latest news reports from Wall Street and the focus is almost always on profits and losses.

How much is the market up or down? Which corporation made how much money this quarter?

But in recent years, some CEOs have begun to rethink the idea that profits should be the driver behind every decision. Instead, there’s an emerging philosophy that having a purpose beyond money and putting people first – especially employees – places companies in a better position to succeed in the long run.

“A piece of advice I got from a mentor a long time ago was this: ‘Your job as CEO is not to grow a company, your job is to grow people who grow the company,’ ” says Adam Witty, co-author with Rusty Shelton of Authority Marketing: How to Leverage 7 Pillars of Thought Leadership to Make Competition Irrelevant.

“If you want to be a big business that is respected far and wide, you’ve got to get into the business of growing people. Watching others learn, grow, and develop has been one of the most rewarding parts of my entrepreneurial journey.”

Witty, founder and CEO of Advantage|ForbesBooks (www.advantagefamily.com), says his goal is always to hire smart people, and to create a working environment that breeds greatness in them.

He has a number of tactics for achieving that. Just a few of those include:

• Make sure everyone is in alignment. Everyone in the company, from the intern all the way up to the CEO, should know what the company’s strategic plan is and how what they do each day helps the company achieve that plan, Witty says. “What I’ve found in most businesses is the senior leaders want to keep the company’s strategic plan a secret,” he says. “They think all these important things shouldn’t be discussed with the rank and file.” But if employees aren’t clear about the company’s plan, Witty asks, how can they successfully help bring it about?
• Let facts and data guide decisions. Witty is fond of telling his employees, “When it comes to decision making, if we’re going to go with opinions, we’ll go with mine.” In reality, he doesn’t want to make decisions based on even his opinion; he prefers facts and data. He lets employees know he’s open to their ideas, but he expects those ideas to be backed up with facts and data that demonstrate why it’s a good idea.
• Encourage professional development. If employees aren’t careful, the company will grow and they won’t grow with it in terms of their abilities. That’s why Witty says he encourages 120 hours per year of professional development for everyone on his team. He grants each employee with $1,000 per year to buy business books, invest in online seminars, attend classes or take other steps that help them improve. “If you don’t have the aptitude, drive and desire to improve yourself, why would I want you on my team?” Witty asks.
• Have fun. Employees should enjoy the journey and each other, Witty says. Not only is that good for the employees’ personal well being, but it’s also good for the company. Studies have shown that happy employees are more productive.

Ultimately, Witty says, it’s important for both businesses and their employees to adapt to a changing world, or else they will find themselves left behind.

“You may not like change,” Witty says, “but you will dislike irrelevance even more.”

About Adam Witty

Adam Witty, co-author with Rusty Shelton of Authority Marketing: How to Leverage 7 Pillars of Thought Leadership to Make Competition Irrelevant, is the CEO of Advantage|ForbesBooks (www.advantagefamily.com). Witty started Advantage in 2005 in a spare bedroom of his home. The company helps busy professionals become the authority in their field through publishing and marketing. In 2016, Advantage launched a partnership with Forbes to create ForbesBooks, a business book publisher for top business leaders. Witty is the author of seven books, and is also a sought-after speaker, teacher and consultant on marketing and business growth techniques for entrepreneurs and authors. He has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Investors Business Daily and USA Today, and has appeared on ABC and Fox. 

Healthy Habits: Nutrition Tips for Kids from a Kid

A balanced diet is vital for health and it's crucial to develop good eating habits young. Obesity is the leading cause of death in the United States and it's no wonder why - the typical American diet is rich in fat, salt, and sugar and lacking in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Good nutrition is especially important for kids because their bodies grow so quickly...but the sad truth is that childhood obesity rates have been rising for decades.

The good news: Learning about nutrition and healthy eating can be fun and 12-year-old Kai Nunziato-Cruz will show you how!

As the son of a Gastroenterologist and a Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Kai Nunziato-Cruz has learned about diet and nutrition his whole life. He's watched his parents help adults get well and stay well through healthy eating and he felt it was his mission to take these same teachings to kids.

Kids are notoriously picky eaters so teaching them to actually crave and enjoy healthy foods is no easy task. Kai is encouraging kids to make nutritious food choices and to be adventurous with their healthy eating.

Good nutrition is important for kids and luckily many parents know this.

What they don't know however, is simply providing kids with healthy food is not enough. It's just as important for kids to learn about healthy food as it is to eat it. Children are at a time in their life when they are constantly growing and learning new knowledge so that's why habits are more likely to stay with you if you learn them as a kid.

 "I want to teach other kids about nutrition because we are the next generation and we need to be healthy..."

...says Kai who is on a crusade to make his generation live longer healthier lives through nutritious eating. Though he may be young, Kai's message has already spread to many families across the U.S. 
 

I had a chance to interview him to learn more.

How Families Can Make Healthy Eating Fun!

Why is it so helpful for kids to learn from other kids?  

In an age with so much information around us, kids are learning so much at such a young age.  Kids are smarter than ever and they especially love learning from other kids.  Parents have always been old school…kids want fresh new ideas presented in a fresh way that they can understand and relate to.  I think when a kid teaches another kid something it sticks!

What are some advantages of healthy eating for kids? 

Healthy eating goes a long way for kids.  It gives them and their body the foundation they need for healthy adulthood.  We tend to follow the habits we have as children into adulthood.  There is no better gift than to give the gift of good health to our children.

How do you tell your peers to be willing to try new things?  

Try to make trying new things fun, I’ll try it if you try it.  Daring someone to try it always works as well.  You never know you might like it.  With kids it’s all about making it fun.  Even if you don’t like it you can always spit it out!  

What do you think parents need to do to encourage healthy eating habits for the whole family?  

The best way for parents to encourage healthy eating is to explain to their kids why they are eating the healthier food and what they can expect if they continue to eat unhealthy.  It also helps to stop buying bad foods and having them in the house (whatever you buy will get eaten).  Only buy healthy food options and those are the only things that will be eaten.  If parents expect their kids to eat healthy they need to eat healthy too.  You can’t expect the child to eat a salad while the parent eats a burger and French fries.  

ABOUT KAI NUNZIATO-CRUZ:

Kai Nunziato-Cruz is a 12-year-old nutrition expert from Arizona. As the son of Liz Cruz M.D., a board-certified Gastroenterologist, and Tina Nunziato, a Certified Holistic Nutrition Consultant, Kai has watched his Moms for years help adults get well and stay well with their books, podcast, online home study program and more and felt it was his mission to take those same teachings to kids. Kai is the author of Digest This Now!,  a kid-friendly, doctor-approved book about healthy eating and he also teaches through his podcast show “Generation Kai."

Caring Causes: KLN Tuffy Nelson Golf Classic

KLN Family Brands proudly announced that the 34th Annual Tuffy Nelson Golf Classic drew 88 teams and 352 golfers to Perham Lakes Golf Course on Friday, July 27th. Since its inception in 1985, the tourney has generated over $1.1 million for local and regional non-profit organizations.  This was the second largest field in the tourney’s history.

The Tuffy Nelson Golf Classic began in honor of Tuffy Nelson, founder of Tuffy’s Pet Foods and a well-known Perham entrepreneur and philanthropist. Tuffy was battling cancer at the time and proceeds from the inaugural tournament benefited the American Cancer Society. Beneficiaries from the 2018 tourney are the Pinky Swear Foundation, Bolder Options, The Roger Maris Cancer Center, the ALS Association and Productive Alternatives.

“Our family is humbled by the tremendous support for a tournament that honors my grandfather,” said KLN Family BrandsPresident Charlie Nelson. “As a man who loved golf, loved Perham and loved people, Tuffy would be thrilled to know that the tourney has benefited so many worthy causes.”  

The tournament included morning and afternoon flights over 27 holes.  Participants included recent IBFsuper-middleweight world boxing champion Caleb Truax, University of Minnesota all-time rushing leader and Green Bay Packers first-round draft choice Darrell Thompson and new Minnesota Business Hall of Fame inductee Kenny Nelson, son of Tuffy and founder of KLN Family Brands. Kenny Nelson was inducted in a ceremony held in Minneapolis on July 26th.

About KLN Family Brands

A third-generation family owned company, KLN Family Brands is located in Perham, MN and is comprised of Tuffy’s Pet Food and Kenny’s Candy & Confections. Tuffy’s was the first KLN manufacturing facility introduced by the Nelson Family and has been proudly producing premium pet food since 1964 under brands such as NutriSource, Pure Vita, and Natural Planet. In 1987 KLN branched out into the world of sweets and Kenny’s Candy & Confections was born. Kenny’s is the candy factory responsible for great brands like Wiley Wallaby, Sweet Chaos, and other Candies and Confections. For more information on KLN and its brands, please visit www.klnfamilybrands.com.

Healthy Habits: EverySecondCounts

Apnea episodes (shallow breathing or no breathing) that last longer than 20 seconds are very serious, especially when it come to infants.

Snuza understands just how important this is, that's why their entire line of Wearable Baby Abdominal Movement Monitors are designed to measure a baby's tummy movements and alert you if there is no movement after 20 seconds. Since baby’s tummy movements can be measured, movement monitors are THE fastest and most reliable method of monitoring that can alert you to when a sleep apnea has occurred.

Snuza is committed to helping babies at their most critical moment, and to alerting parents during those critical seconds. That's why they've developed the #EverySecondCounts campaign, to help educate new and expecting parents. 

You Can Learn More about Snuza's #EverySecondCounts campaign by visiting their website at www.snuza.com. You can also follow them on Instagram (@snuzamonitors) and like and share their #EverySecondCounts Instagram Post found here.