It’s so easy to become ultra-casual when you’re eating at home with just your dinner family. And while it’s ok to be casual, it’s important than some rules of etiquette are followed, since it can be hard for younger kids to understand when it’s ok to be goofy and when it’s not. So, here are some quick tips for how you can instill a good sense of etiquette in your family without making it a chore.
Do: model good etiquette yourself.
Don’t: just say a rule and not follow it.
Do: try to provide justifications for why we do things (even if the answer is just “because it’s polite”).
Don’t: ignore your kids’ questions about rules.
Do: keep the mood positive; consider making it a game (you could even have little “I caught you being good” rewards).
Don’t: be too critical of younger kids as long as they are trying.
Do: keep it simple (fork on the left, spoon on the right).
Don’t: overly complicate matters (little kids don’t need to know the difference between dessert, salad, and dinner forks).
Do: make it special once in a while. Break out the candlesticks and cloth napkins!
Don’t: go overboard and demand that level every day.
Do: include your kids in making special family rules or in voting for a “day off.” (For example, have a day when it’s all finger food, or when you eat everything with a spoon or everything with a fork, or try eating the whole meal with your non-dominant hand.)
Don’t: try this tip when your mother-in-law is around! (Unless you have a really cool mother-in-law like I do.)
Do: decide which rules are really important to your family, and keep it consistent. Think about things like cell phone use (even for parents), answering the door or phone, the signal that people can be excused, etc.
Don’t: feel like you have to do a certain rule at home just because “you should” if it doesn’t work for your family.
Depending on your family and the age of your kids, the number of etiquette rules you stick with can change. Keeping things age-appropriate is the best way to ensure success, though. Even toddlers can understand that throwing food is not acceptable, preschoolers are capable of using the right utensils for the job, and elementary school children can learn examples of polite conversation. Kids of all ages find it fun to make it “fancy” once in a while, so use that as an excuse to learn some special rules – and consider learning about what’s polite in other cultures, too. Your kids will find it fascinating to learn that burping is acceptable in some cultures but not others, and that there are some countries where it’s considered a compliment to not finish everything!
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