, Dr. Jennifer Powell-Lunder, PsyD, about dealing with teenagers. Here were her answers:1) What makes teens so difficult to understand? Parents were teenagers too once, after all.
What makes teens so difficult to understand is that although they maybe using the same words, the meaning can vary greatly. This is dependent on several factors including, the context, the tone or intonation used and of course the body language. While we were once teens, our teen do not see the situation this way. Teens are by nature egocentric. This has to do in part to brain development. They believe the world is always watching them. This is why while a parents we believe our teens are reflection of us, while our teens believe we are reflection of them. This explains why they easily seemed embarrassed by things we do and say. In addition, our teens believe that they are unique. No one (especially their parents) have ever thought or felt the way they do.
2) What are things that people can do before the teen years to help make the teen years easier?
Communication is the key to a successful relationship with our teens. It is important to talk with our kids early on. As parents we need to listen to what they have to say...not answer for them, or assume we know what they are saying. This validates them. It send the message that we believe what they have to say is important. In addition, it is important that parents realize that their kids look to them to learn how to behave. You are your child’s most important teacher. they learn more from what you do than what you say. This is why you must say what you mean and mean what you say.
3) How can parents re-ignite a positive relationship that has soured?
There is always an opportunity to communicate with your teens and repair a relationship. Teens appreciate honesty and integrity. You empower your teens when you acknowledge missteps you have taken. Be honest and demonstrate interest it what they do or say, it is never too late. Consistency is the key to repairing a relationship, in other words, do not give up! Look for ways to engage your teens. Set aside specific time to sit with them and talk. A cup of coco or tea can do wonders for a relationship! Find a common interest. Look for ‘conversation openers,’ opportunities to engage your teen. talk with them about a book you read, ask their opinion about an article you read, or a situation or story you have both heard. Another good way to engage your teens is to ask for their help. If you are not so savvy at setting up a social networking profile, or need help understanding the latest gadget, you can empower them by asking for their help.
4) What can parents with a currently positive relationship with their teens do to make sure it stays healthy?
Parents with good relationships with their teens should keep talking! Research indicates that adults who report good communication with their parents as teens go on to lead longer, healthy lives than adults who report poor communication with their parents. Parents need to be consistent. They need to allow their teens to be autonomous. This means they encourage their teens to take on new challenges but provide support and guidance when needed. You are your teens superhero. What you say and do matters far more than you realize. Although your teens may spend more time talking with their peers, in reality, it is your opinion that matters.
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