Consumer Critique: Insider's Guide to Egg Donation

When I first heard the pitch for this book, The Insider's Guide to Egg Donation: A Compassionate and Comprehensive Guide for All Parents-to-Be, I assumed it would be for someone considering donating an egg; instead it's a guide primarily for people who are using donor eggs. It's a clearly-written book by people who have experience in the industry and write with a compassionate, understandable tone. Although I don't have direct experience with egg donation, nor will I, it is a very good read for those who are considering it as an option for parenting a child.

I had a chance to interview the book's authors, Wendie Wilson and Erika Napolitano.

1) What attracted you to the egg donation industry in the first place?

Wendie: I initially heard about and became interested in egg donation when I read an ad from hopeful parents in my college newspaper at the University of Washington (it was probably around '96/'97). I wasn't in a place emotionally where I felt compelled to actually answer the ad, but that was when I first started thinking about it as a possibility. My brother was pre-med at the time and so he took an interest in it as well -- at least enough to do some basic research and let me know the history and what it entailed and let me know that it seemed like a safe procedure. Several years later, after I moved to Southern, Ca. I read another ad and decided to contact the agency. The owner was a mother of twins through egg donation and did an exceptional job of explaining what it meant to the intended parents to have young women be willing to help them in such a significant way. Just a few short weeks later I was contacted by the agency letting me know that a couple had chosen me to be their donor. The intended mom was only 35 years old (younger than I am now) and was in her 6th year of remission from breast cancer. I ended up meeting them and hearing first hand what it meant to them that I was able to be their donor. Not only had she survived cancer, but through assisted reproductive technology she could now be a mother! At 23-years-old, it was the biggest, most important decision I had made in my life to date - and remains so now. At that moment I decided that not only did I want to become this family's egg donor, but I wanted to stay in this industry, in some significant way, as a career.

(Erika's story is in the book) 

 

2) Why did you decide to write this book? 
Wendie: We decided to write this book because there were no other books like it in the industry - and certainly none that were a basic "how to." We wanted something tangible for hopeful parents to read to hep them through this process. The majority of hopeful families who come to me for help are usually at a loss at where to start and don't even come close to understanding the process. So, together we decided to spend the time, effort and energy it takes to write a "how-to" guide in hopes to make this process less daunting and a lot easier for families new to this journey.

3) How did the collaboration come about?

Wendie: When I initially approached Erika about writing this book, it was due to several reasons - first, we were long-time friends who had both worked in the field of assisted reproduction. We were also both multiple-time egg donors. We also had extremely complementary skills and knowledge that made for good writing partners. I had been working in the ART industry 10 years when we decided to write the book, and Erika was an accomplished writer in her own right. Between my knowledge of the industry and her writing skills and personal experiences, it became obvious to us right away that this was a great collaboration.  

4) Did you find out anything surprising as you worked on the book?

Wendie: I found it surprising how much support we received from industry professionals, intended parents, and egg donors. When we reached out to intended parents and donors for their stories and feelings, we got an overwhelming response. We didn't even come close to using all of the stories we received, so hopefully we can find a way to share those in the future either in blogs or another book.  

Erika: For me, the process reinforced how much I want children of my own when the time is right. I haven't been blessed with that yet, so I'm looking more forward to it than ever.

5) What is the biggest piece of advice you'd have for potential egg donors and seeking egg donors?

Wendie: My biggest advice for potential egg donors is to understand the process, risks, and time commitment involved.  Also, remember that most of the people for whom you choose to donate have been through a lot of heartache and an ongoing uphill battle prior to seeking an egg donor.  Be compassionate towards their journey by being a responsible, kind, and honest person throughout the process.  My biggest advice for intended parents is to remember that no matter what, you are going to love your baby.  Don't get stuck on blue eyes or curly hair or shoe size or the many, many insignificant things that have nothing to do with loving a child.  It's more important to like your donor, feel confident in that choice, and focus on the big picture: being a parent and raising a child.

Erika: From donor to donor, I'd say take an afternoon and go sit in a busy park where you live. Watch the families. Realize how many different shapes, sizes, and colors they come in. That's what your gift of egg donation can help build. It beautiful to think how a few weeks of your life can impact a family's lifetime -- and play a major role in creating that lifetime.

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of the book to facilitate this review.