Parenting Pointers: Cyberbullying - Protecting Your Kids

We all love a happy ending.  Cliffhangers at the end of our favorite TV shows drive us nuts.  After last week’s discussion of types of cyberbullying and the ways our kids can be at risk as they head back into the school system, you may have been left thinking, “Ok, now that we’re sufficiently concerned, what’s a parent to do?”  Never fear, this week we’re exploring ways to reduce the risk that your child will become a victim of cyber bullying as they head back to school.

Disclaimer time: you know your kids and your family best.  Some parents may be comfortable with a more hands-off approach involving open communication with a trusted child, while others may need a little more control.  We’re here to present some options to help you decide the path that’s right for your family.  The main components to protecting any child are communication and education.  Teach your kids to be vigilant about protecting their private information.  Check out www.stopcyberbullying.org together to read about the ways cyber bullies target victims and how to get help if you think you've been a victim.  There's even a quiz to help kids determine if they’re unwittingly engaging in activities that may be victimizing others.  If you don’t find all you need there, www.wiredsafety.org and www.netsmartz.org are great sources of Internet safety information.

E-Mail and Social Networking Sites:  Anyone can create an email address and the person's identification is rarely verified.  Make sure your kids know not to open emails from unknown senders, even if the name looks familiar, and to be especially wary of attachments.  Make sure they never share their passwords with anyone but you.  Set your child's Facebook or Twitter account privacy settings at the highest possible security level to prevent private information from being shared unintentionally and publicly.  Even better consider using “kid” friendly and protected social sites like Everloop. (http://www.everloop.com/). These sites are specific to the younger set and are designed to protect them from predators and educate on netiquette and safe surfing practices.

Cell Phones: Talk to your kids about "sexting" and the inherent dangers in participating.  It can be illegal, images can be used against them by a bully, and it may affect their scholastic future, even their current scholastic status, if the images are made public.  Encourage them to talk to you if they ever receive a text or picture message that makes them uncomfortable.  Research shows that when parents are involved in their kids' activities they’re less likely to engage in these behaviors.  Whether that means limiting their per-month texting allowances or monitoring the texts and pictures they receive, let your kids know that limits you set are to help protect them.

Online Gaming: People who don't "game" don't realize how socially intimate the experience can be. Ask your children about their gaming experience like you ask about their day at school, specifically their interactions with other players.  If you sense that they’re forming a close relationship, treat that person like you would any new friend.  What do you want to know about that person to protect your child from a possible threat?  If you suspect your child is being threatened or bullied by someone, contact the game administrators and report the abuse.  In many instances, players can be banned for such activities.

Instant Messaging (IM): IM accounts can be acquired anonymously. Review your child's buddy list for unknown contacts and talk to him or her about the identities of the people on their list. Learn as many of the chat acronyms as you can, such as POS (parent over shoulder) and A/S/L (age/sex/location) so you’ll be aware of anyone saying anything inappropriate to your child.

How do you know if your child is being bullied?  They may avoid the computer, cell phone, and other technological devices or appear stressed when receiving an e-mail, IM or text.  They may withdraw from friends or family, or be reluctant to attend school or social events.  If you suspect your child is being bullied, trust your instincts.

Finally, you have technology on your side.  We've detailed parental control and monitoring software in the past, but Spector Pro from SpectorSoft (www.spectorsoft.com/products/) is the best solution for parent that suspect their child may try to circumvent parental controls or monitoring if they are aware of them.  It runs silently in the background so that no one but you will know it’s installed. It documents every keystroke, website visited, e-mail sent and received, chats and IMs.  Everything they do on Facebook, including if they’re maintaining multiple accounts, will be captured.  It may even provide you with the proof you need to report a bully to their ISP, their school, or higher authorities. And remember as always as your kids head back to school – there’s no reason that you need to be scared of any type of bullies as long as the law is on your side. There’s no excuse for harassment and the power is always in your hands to do something about it.

Andrea Eldridge is CEO of Nerds On Call, which offers onsite computer and laptop repair services to homeowners and small businesses.  Based in Redding, Calif., it has locations in five states. Contact Eldridge at www.callnerds.com/andrea.