Picture
this: you’ve had a hectic day—all that’s left is one quick stop at the grocery
store. You know this is not the best time to take your five-year-old, but you
have no choice. You’ll just pick up the few things you need and avoid the candy
aisle.
Just as
you’re reaching the check-out line, your child spots one of those big displays
at the end of the aisle—you know, the kind that reaches out and grabs your
child shouting “CANDY, ASK HER FOR CANDY!!” You hear your son politely ask,
“Mom, can I get one of those?” You answer: “No, not today.”
Your
youngster loses it. Stomping his feet and waving his arms, he shouts at you at
the top of his lungs. The store is busy. It feels as though an unsympathetic
crowd is gathering to see how you’re going to quiet the little monster.
What do you
do now? Beg? Argue? Hide? Leave? Throw a tantrum of your own?
According
to Dr. Thomas W. Phelan, author of 1-2-3
Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12, you should make the
“revolutionary switch from talking to counting.” Your silence—believe it or
not—will speak louder than your words. Instead of pleading, persuading or arguing,
you hold up one finger and—as calmly as you can—say “That’s 1.” That’s all
you’re allowed to say.
Your child has just received his
first warning. If his tantrum continues, he’ll get a “That’s 2” and if he still continues, he’ll
wind up at “3.” Then what? Then it’s time for a consequence —a short “rest
period” or time out can work well. The rest period can be taken in the corner
of the store, in the car, in the restroom or—with small children—even in the
shopping cart! No talking, no threats and no angry parental outbursts.
Some
parents say “That’s too simple” or “My kid’s a wild man; that will never work
with him!” Dr. Phelan has heard all these objections before. The key to 1-2-3
Magic, he explains, is not so much what you do as what you don’t do: you don’t
get excited and you don’t talk beyond giving the counts. You don’t, for
example, say “That’s 1. Come on now, I don’t want you making a fool out of me
in front of all these people...” or “That’s 2. One more and you’ve had it, pal.
Why do we have to go through this all the time? Your sister never behaves this
way! WERE YOU PUT ON EARTH TO DRIVE ME CRAZY OR WHAT!?”
When
parents control themselves properly, children quickly adapt to the 1-2-3. The
kids respond positively at “1” or “2” most of the time. Most of the time? Why
not all the time? Because they are just kids! Trying to talk to children at the
wrong time can lead a parent through what Dr. Phelan calls the
Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit! routine, and 1-2-3 Magic is a program that is dedicated
to eliminating physical child abuse.
So, give
1-2-3 Magic a try the next time you are
in the store, at the park or at a friend’s.
To get the whole story, 1-2-3
Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 is available as a book, audiobook and video. You will be amazed at how quickly your
children will respond.
Adapted from 1-2-3
Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas W. Phelan,
Ph.D. Nationally recognized as an expert
on child discipline and Attention Deficit Disorder, Dr. Phelan has practiced
for over 30 years and he appears frequently on radio and TV. Over a million
1-2-3 MAGIC books, videos and audiobooks have been sold (Spanish versions are
also available). Visit your local bookstore for 1-2-3 Magic or any of Dr. Phelan’s other books, or call toll-free
1-800-442-4453 or visit www.parentmagic.com.
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