Parenting Pointers: Six Steps to Cope With Your Spouse's Scary Driving

Riding with a driver who exhibits road rage can be a helpless and frightening experience. More often than not we have a choice of who we ride in the car with, but when a spouse is the driver with road rage, escape can seem impossible. The good news is that driving habits can be changed, and a concerned spouse is one of the most effective ways to alleviate rage on the road. By using the following steps as a guide, you can show your spouse how road rage isn't the right way to handle upsetting or dangerous road conditions.

1. Lead by Example
If your spouse is exhibiting road rage, one of the most important things you can do is not show rage on the road yourself. React to situations the same way you would want your spouse to react. Make your spouse aware that you are purposefully reacting to conditions on the road with a calm and patient mind. This behavior will help normalize a more calm and considerate presence on the road when you are together.

2. Communicate Your Anxiety
Most issues in a marriage revolve around a lack of effective communication. Make sure that your spouse knows that you are not comfortable with the way he handles himself on the road. Try not to bottle up your emotions until they explode, which is exactly the behavior you want him to avoid. When your spouse shows signs of road rage, immediately let him know it's bothering you and ask him to stop, but do so in a calm and loving way.

3. Avoid Blame and Empathize
When you are talking to your spouse about road rage issues, it's a good idea not to assign blame or become accusatory. Many people exhibit rage as a defensive mechanism on the road, and therefore may respond the same way if her driving skills come under attack from you. Tell your spouse that you know why she gets angry on the road, but explain there are better ways to deal with other drivers.

4. Evaluate the Situation Together
When an incident is likely to induce road rage in your spouse, try to calmly explain why getting angry does nothing to solve the problem. For example, if another driver cuts off your vehicle, explain why yelling and making obscene hand gestures makes no difference. It won’t change the other driver’s behavior, but it will surely upset the children riding with you. The realization that road rage scares the children is one of the strongest deterrents for angry drivers. 

5. Emphasize Safety and Defense
Make sure your spouse knows that safety is the number one priority for your family on the highway. As a married couple, your goal together in life is to grow old and happy. Explain how road rage tendencies like tailgating and aggressive driving lead to more accidents than they prevent. It's easy enough to find stories in the news about accidents caused by road rage and aggressive driving.

6. Drive More Often
If none of these approaches help, it might be time to become the primary driver in the family. This probably won’t be necessary for most couples, but it remains an option if things get bad enough. Most spouses will be open to changing driving habits when they know the safety and comfort of the family is at stake.

Jessica Bosari writes about road rage and other driving dangers at Kanetics.