Healthy Habits: Stranger Safety

Tracy and Charley Vega are the Co-Founders of Simple Self Defense for Women, an award-winning company that promotes personal safety for children and women through their PBS TV Show, keynote speaking, DVDs and seminars.

One example for parents and their children's safety is regarding talking to strangers. Tracy and Charley recently had a conversation with a concerned parent about wanting to “scare” their child because her daughter was too trusting and talks to everyone. Instead, they recommend creating a “Safe List” for your child to know who trusted adults are, and to involve your child when creating a Safe List.

Keep the list to short - 5-7 people. 
Create a fun test for your kids based on their age. 
Are grandma & grandpa on the list? What color car do they drive? What’s the make & model? 
Are your neighbors on the list? Does your child know their first and last name? 
Does your child carry a cell phone? Be sure to program the people on their “Safe List” to the phone.

I had a chance to interview them to get a little more information:

1) Is it possible for parents to go too far in emphasizing "don't talk to strangers" with their kids? Yes, you don’t want them to be crazy fearful of everyone they meet. That’s why we recommend a “Safe List”.  This is a more positive experience. It tells the child who they can talk to.

 

2) If a parent has a naturally talkative child, how can they create guidelines for when it's ok to talk to others? If the child is with you, it’s ok to answer generic questions from an adult as long as you can hear the entire conversation. Teach them not to give out personal information. You may need to politely walk away from the conversation if your child is not following yourguidelines.

 

3) How can parents encourage children to recognize safe adults to go to if they're in danger or lost? A policeman or Fireman is the easiest to recognize if a child is in danger out in public. If they are lost at the mall, a theme park or anywhere, always have them follow this rule! “Stay exactly where you are, do not move no matter what anyone says” Tell them that you will come to look for them, no matter how long it takes. It’s easier for you to find them. Once they start wandering around you will lose the trail. If you are on a trip with your child, take pictures often. This way if they should get lost you have the most current possible photo of them including clothing.

 

4) Some parents use a "safe word" to let kids know if a different adult will be, for example, picking them up from school. What are your thoughts on that? We recommend a safe list vs. a safe word. A child should know exactly who they can go with if you’re not available. Keep the list short no more than 5 people. Discuss the list with them and have fun with it. Give them tests about what kind color car the person on the safe list drives, what is their first and last name, what is their cell phone number?

 

5) What are some age-appropriate guidelines for different ages in terms of talking to adults in safe situations? Defining a safe situation when you are not there can be complex, most sexual assaults are by someone you know. There are many factors to consider when your children should be allowed to talk with an adult. Maturity level, child’s age and the circumstances of who is with them, where etc. The general rule of thumb would be to not allow your child to speak with an adult without a trusted adult, IE: teacher, counselor etc. until you are confident they will act responsible, many times that could be after they reach teenage age. When our kids were young we would make them order their own food at a restaurant or walk up to the counter if they needed mustard ketchup etc.. You want your child to be confident enough to talk to adults when appropriate.