Manners are good, manners are necessary,
especially in the world we live in today. Sometimes however manners can become
very un-mannerly when they get into small children’s hands. When we teach our
children manners at home that others (particularly adults) have not been taught
that is where the problem arises.
At our house we have raised our children up in a Christian
environment and have instilled the Ten Commandments and the golden rule, etc.
Not to mention how to politely answer the phone or door, how to be gracious in
accepting gifts, well, you get the point. Do not get me wrong I would not
change how I have raised my kids but when they were younger this did not always
work out extremely well.
My oldest child is a girl and she is an exceptional kind of
girl. I know everyone thinks their child is exceptional but I am not stretching
the truth about this child. And I can attest that she always has been because
she is now twenty-seven years old and is still an exceptional girl. Almost
always obedient, always on top of school work and a great student, even
tempered, loving, helpful, kind, and a great sister to her brother who is seven
years younger. And when you taught her something it only took telling her once
and it stuck and it was law, especially if it came from the Bible or
scientifically or medically proven. And commercials about drugs and smoking and
any information from Bill Nye the Science Guy!
So when she went to Sunday School and they taught her about
the Ten Commandments naturally when she heard someone taking God’s name in vain
she had to speak up didn’t she? That is exactly what she did too. Now how do
you tell a little girl that the Bible is true and then go out into public where
everyone does not feel the same way? There we were walking through the mall one
lovely packed Christmas season when out of no where she gets in someone’s face
and tells them, “You took the Lord’s name in vain! The Bible says not to do
that!” Talk about being taken off guard as a mother. I did not want to get
angry at her but I had to take her aside and explain to her that not everyone
believes like we do. She was taken aback that not everyone believed in the
Bible and lived according to its rules. Wow… wouldn’t it be great if everyone
believed the way my daughter did and believe it or not, still does. I am just
extremely thankful that the person she corrected was gracious and actually
turned a bit red and apologized to her. It could have been really ugly and
momma bear could have shown up to defend her cub. Not pretty.
There was yet another occasion where this blessed little
girl tried to right a wrong which was obviously (in her mind) something that
was being done without enough information on the part of the adult. Surely they
had not heard of the dangers of cigarettes or they would not be smoking! (My
face is still red when I think of it all these years later.) We were visiting
at my aunts house and she had a gentlemen caller, someone she had only met a
couple of times and we did not know him at all. After dinner we went out to sit
in the garden and have coffee at which time the gentlemen lit up a cigarette to
my daughter’s horror. She immediately began quoting him all the information she
had heard from commercials, scientific studies, and medical reports. She, as I
said before, is very intelligent and does not forget a thing or leave anything
out. By the time she got finished he had dropped his cigarette, ground it out
with his foot in the dirt, and was apologizing profusely to my girl. After he
went home my aunt jokingly said, “Well, what are the odds of him coming back?”
We laugh about these things now and my girl has learned over
the years to keep her thoughts to herself but she still has pretty much zero
tolerance for anything that goes against the Bible and does not understand how
people can ingest things that harm their bodies. I am thankful she feels this
way because it sure has saved me a lot of headaches but then I have a son that
is seven years younger. Remember I mentioned him?
I love my son dearly; let me make that perfectly clear. But
I have never known how two children raised in the same home could come out so
different! He does not have all the same convictions as his sister when it
comes to vices and rules because he feels that he has to try something before
he can condemn it! When you told him something was hot he had to touch it to
make sure. When you told him a Bible story he wanted to dissect it and mull it
over. He is now twenty and is making great strides in determining the
differences in right and wrong and gleaning greater wisdom in what he does. He
has a great heart and helps his neighbors and anyone that needs help.
One thing I did get through to him at an early age, and I
believe it was because of his grandparents and elderly great-aunts and
great-uncles, was to honor your elders. That is something he had and has down
pat. I also got through to him about being polite and opening and closing the
doors for others, especially the elderly. This can also be a bad thing if used
out of turn with a small child. Some people are complimentary about youngsters
helping out and some do not think they are old so don’t you dare treat them as
such. How is a child to know?
One time we were shopping in our neighborhood discount
store, you know those massive stores with everything in them known to man? We
were shopping as a family and my daughter and I went our way and sent my
husband and son off to do their own thing. My son was about three at the time.
They headed off to the electronics department so that my son could look at the
video game consoles which he was enamored with and my husband just loved the
gadgets. We were going to meet up after an hour. When my husband came to meet
us there was no son with him. When I asked him where he was I did not like the
answer I received. “Oh, I thought you were watching him.” Argh! To say I was
upset is an understatement. I think it went something like, “If anything
happens to him you are a dead man!” You get the idea.
I ran frantically around the store yelling his name to no
avail. I was finally headed toward the front of the store to see if they had
found any lost boys and to notify the people at the doors. What did I see when
I got there? My son, opening the door for every single person that walked up to
the store and when I got to him he was so pleased with himself. “Momma, did you
see me opening the door for those people?” I did have a stern conversation with
him about leaving mom and dad and how scared I was and how someone could have
taken him, etc. but I could not be angry with him. After all, we all know whose
fault it was, don’t we?
The point is that when teaching your children manners you
have to keep in mind that there are others who haven’t been taught or that do
not have the same beliefs. You might want to give your kiddos a little
precursor not to correct others as part of their lesson in manners.
Author Bio:
Ken holds a master’s in business leadership from Upper Iowa
University and multiple bachelor degrees from Grand View College. As president of morningsidenannies.com,
Ken’s focus is helping Houston-based parents find the right childcare provider
for their family. When he isn’t working, he enjoys spending time with his three
children and his wife.
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