The holiday season is the most important time of the year for
reconnecting with friends and family, and enjoying social time with coworkers
and colleagues. For your kids, the holidays are a unique time when they have
access to a lot of people (distant relatives, long lost friends, and coworkers)
that they don’t know well in intimate settings such as holiday parties, dinners
and get-togethers.
Statistics tell us that about 1 out of every 10 kids are sexually
abused before the age of 18. Shockingly, almost 90% of child abusers are known
to the victim in some capacity. Worrying about protecting your child from harm
during the holidays is likely the last thing on your mind, but the need for it
is a sad reality.
Jarrett Arthur wants to share these tips to help you keep your child safe.
1)
Take
this time to have important conversations...
You
have some time off from work, the kids have some time off from school, everyone
is generally more relaxed and you’re spending much needed time together. NOW is
the perfect opportunity to sit down with your kids and have the “hard”
conversations you might have put on the back burners throughout the year. The
difference between “good” touches and “bad” touches, what to do if someone
makes them feel uncomfortable or scared, body parts (by their real names) that
are off limits to anyone but themselves, as well as verbal and body language
boundary setting skills are all great examples of the conversation topics
important to address with your kids. For more information about the types of
conversations you should be having, and pointers to help you facilitate those
conversations, please see additional resources at the bottom of this article.
2)
Reconsider Santa’s lap...
I
don’t want to Scrooge over the time honored tradition of sitting on Santa’s
lap, and if your child is all about Santa then more power to him or her, but
please think twice about pressuring any child that doesn’t want to sit on the
lap of a strange man to just go ahead because after all, “It’s only Santa.”
Bribing tearful kids afraid of sitting on a grown adult’s lap with the promise
of gifts is never a good idea. Nor does it seem very cheery. We want to
encourage children to state their personal boundaries and then teach them how
to respect those boundaries by respecting them ourselves.
3)
Offer multiple options for a polite greeting and farewell...
Similar
to the Santa tip, is the practice of pressuring a child to hug someone upon
greeting and/or leaving. A polite greeting and farewell is an important life
skill to instill and practice, but you can require a polite greeting without
forcing a child to break their personal boundaries. A hand shake or high five,
along with an audible verbal greeting and eye contact should be acceptable.
Before hosting or attending parties take a few minutes to go over and
physically practice the components of a polite greeting. Offer your child the
different options of a hug, handshake, or high five, but emphasize that it’s
their choice to make depending on how comfortable they feel. If a family member
or friend pressures your child for a hug it’s important that you step in to
explain your family policy. If you’re worried about offending the person, you
can always say that your child is working hard to practice the art of a
handshake.
4)
Explore a host’s home and designate “no-go” areas...
It
is difficult for abuse to happen if it’s not in isolation. If you and your kids
are attending a holiday party at someone’s home, take a few minutes after
arriving to explore the house with them. Designate play areas that are open and
clearly visible and designate “no-go” areas that are more isolated or more
likely to be empty. Consider this idea even if you are hosting a larger party
at your own home.
5)
Limit alcohol consumption and be aware...
It’s
your time to unwind and celebrate too, and by all means you should. Keeping in
mind that alcohol greatly impairs judgment and reduces our ability to observe,
limit alcohol consumption at larger parties with your kids so that you can be
better equipped to observe the interactions of other adults with them, and to keep
tabs on your child. If you are attending a party with your significant other,
take turns being the parent “on call” so that each of you has the opportunity
to fully socialize and mingle without worry.
To learn more about Jarrett, like TrainWithJarrett, follow @JarrettArthur, or visit @TrainWithJarrett on Instagram. For
more information about boundary setting conversations and child abuse
prevention strategies, check out these great sites: http://www.gingerkadlec.com, http://chauciesplace.org, http://darknesstolight.org
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