Parenting Pointers: The Practical Negotiator

Disclosure: I received complimentary products as a thank you for this post. All opinions are my own.

If you're looking to make some financial resolutions in the new year, one you might consider is never paying full price. The book The Practical Negotiator has a wealth of information about negotiating financially and in other ways. What I like is that it takes the format of an advice column - real situations, real people needing advice, and real solutions that are targeting to the situations. 

Here are a few tips that you can learn more about in the book
-- Gather all information first. Know what is you want or don‘t want – and why.
-- Respect people’s feelings.
-- Determine, how does “x” add value for each of us.

Is it possible to negotiate positive settlements with creditors to avoid personal bankruptcy? Cohen suggests:
-- You need to find out creditor by creditor, whether there are any peculiar aspects of their interests in collecting that money. Are some in a bigger rush than others? Do any have interest in maintaining a long term relationship with you? Are any concerned about their reputation with other borrowers? Do any have interest in keeping you financially 'alive' for personal or business reasons?
-- Ask and listen.
-- Offer time extensions, guarantees of future business once you're on your feet, payment schedules based on your income, and even non-financial benefits, such as willingness to stand in line for them to buy a new iPhone, offering them introductions to the best garage mechanic in town, and so on. "In one case I mediated, the debtor agreed to let his lender use the debtor's vacation house for four weeks a year, rent-free (during an agreed upon time of year). It didn't cost the debtor any money, but gave the creditor an ego boost as well as a nice place to go for vacation," recalls Cohen.
-- Be attentive, curious, and creative.
-- Find out what your creditors are thinking you should be interested in: reputation, creditworthiness, preserving your relationships, being able to focus your work, keeping certain assets, and so on. When you know what they think you're willing to trade, that may also open doors to agreement.




I had a chance to interview the author to find out more:

What inspired writing this book?

The Practical Negotiator was written as a tool to empower everyday people to negotiate effectively in their daily lives. Too often people assume that negotiation is an activity reserved for diplomats, politicians, and corporate bigwigs. However the reality is that everyone negotiates all the time. 

As my on-the-job training as a father went forward, learning how to negotiate with my two daughters about bedtimes, cleaning up, and a huge variety of other issues reinforced many lessons I had learned in professional life – and taught me many new lessons. Understanding how to prepare to negotiate, how to develop a strategy, and how to deal with surprises increases the likelihood that our negotiations will yield more favorable results.

The Practical Negotiator is a collection of questions I’ve received from people around the USA – and around the world – asking for advice how to resolve their real-life issues using negotiation.  Each response offers a range of suggested ways to deal with those issues – which range from dealing with in-laws to problems with car mechanics. 

Even though there is true universality demonstrated in the range of questions addressed and the problems people have in very different countries, that does not mean that every negotiation can be yield good results using exactly the same approach. It is up to every individual to figure out what choices to make in his/her own circumstances. By providing options, The Practical Negotiator recognizes that each person has the capacity to make appropriate choices in the situations she or he face on a daily basis.

How did you pick the questions to be featured in this book?

The questions are representative of the tremendous range of problems people would like to resolve through peaceful, civilized means. The ones used in the book were chosen because they describe interesting and comprehensible issues found in the realities of everyday life.

It is remarkable how much people have in common in widely diverse cultures. Understanding that human life involves similar issues no matter where people live gives individuals the power to find their inner negotiator and develop confidence in their own capacity to resolve possible conflicts.

My British mother-in-law (93 years old and sharp as a tack) told me that she was just amazed at the ‘pickles’ folks described in their questions.  She has had many years to reflect on the human condition, but still indicated The Practical Negotiator brought her amazing stories – and useful lessons. 

Why do you think people don't try to negotiate more often?

Many people look at negotiation with fear, figuring that the process is all about conflict.  The reality is that negotiation is for dealing with things about which people may disagree using a collaborative approach rather than waging a battle. Negotiation is not a competitive sport. When an interaction yields a winner and a loser, the odds are that the perceived loser will try to ‘weasel’ out of the agreement. When that happens, there is no deal and the negotiation is a failure.

When people prepare for negotiation – particularly by developing an understanding of why their objectives are important to them – they are empowered to make wiser choices and they are likely to be far more confident about the process. People are reluctant to negotiate because the process can appear mysterious. They fear insulting other parties. It is critical to get past this by using the question with which teenagers so often try to belittle their parents: ‘And your point is? ? ?’ When people ask themselves ahead of time what their point is, as they develop a clearer understanding of why they want (or need) to do some collaborative decision-making, they have a better way to measure the success of the negotiation process and a greater level of confidence as they go forward.

It is true that many of the things we see can seem to devalue the negotiation process. The ugliness of political discourse in the USA exemplifies people refusing to negotiate with folks who think differently. The recent example of the government shutdown presented a situation in which a group of insurgents held their own party, the federal government, and the general population hostage. There was no one with whom negotiation was likely to yield agreement. This is an example of a situation where the failure to use negotiation led to the failure to reach an agreement each party would willingly fulfill. Seeing negotiations fail – or more precisely – fail to happen can reduce one’s confidence in the process. But on the other hand, using a bad example as a learning experience can lead us to choose to negotiate, to be open to the added value we can derive from listening to another perspective. Negotiation is a civilized way to trade valuables; it is far superior to not standing up for our own interests.