Friday, April 25, 2014

Soul Sustenance: Expecting Perfect

According to the CDC, 1 in 8 babies are born premature but moms and dads are taught to brace for ‘perfection’ and assume that they will have a picture perfect pregnancy. Nadine Bubeck is a wife, mother, TV personality, host, blogger and author.  In her first book entitled, “Expecting Perfect: My Bumpy Journey to Mommyhood” Nadine takes readers on a real-time ride through her attempts at reproducing, the moment she found out she was pregnant, her whirlwind of psycho-OCD emotions, her fairy tale-esque babymoon, and how her "perfect" pregnancy took a turn: previa, bleeds, bed rest, and birthing a beautiful preemie. I had a chance to interview her about the book.


-- Why did you decide to publish your pregnancy journal?

I have to be honest: I toyed with publishing my pregnancy journal. Throughout my rocky pregnancy, writing became my free form of therapy, so clearly I wrote about my intimate thoughts and feelings. Plus, it's super personal and I write about taboo stuff most people hush-hush about. However, I've never been scared to take risks and put myself out there, so after getting my supportive husband's blessing, I sought to get it published.

I decided to publish my journal because I wanted to give women an outlet I didn't have. Throughout my pregnancy, I wish I had something or someone to relate to, which is why I hope women reading my book will find peace in relating to my story. Many of us are under the impression that pregnancy is perfect; we see perfect pregnancies in movies, beautiful bellies on Facebook, etc. The truth is, though, that pregnancy is an adventure often stocked with challenges, hurdles, and a whirlwind of emotions. I want to break the barrier of perfection and let women know that imperfection is OK; that even a bumpy journey to mommyhood can be a beautiful experience. And in the end, it is all worth it. Becoming a mother is the greatest most rewarding gift in the entire world.

-- What are some tips you have for women with high-risk pregnancies, for coping with the stress and boredom out of bed rest?

At 20 weeks pregnant, my doctor looked me in the eye and told me I had complete placenta previa; that my life was at risk, that my baby's life was at risk, that I would likely bleed, be hospitalized, be put on bed rest, and birth a preemie...all of which happened. In an instant, I assumed the so-called horrifying title of a "high risk pregnancy." To this day, I have trouble accepting that verbiage.

Becoming high risk is downright scary. You become paranoid; obsessed with your every move and overly concerned with the health of yourself and your baby. Simply put, it's stressful.

I was on bed rest. I was hospitalized. I even had my baby shower in the hospital conference center. I birthed a preemie. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my pregnancy would be such a bumpy adventure, but it was. I survived. My baby was born a beautiful 4 pounds 11 ounces. He is now a laughing, smiling, sweet 8 month old.

Despite the whirlwind of emotions and the series of events that occurred throughout my pregnancy, I stayed positive and peaceful. My most important advice to anyone in like situations, would be to keep your cool. As mom, it is your job to remain mentally balanced for the well being of your growing embyro. I believe babies-in-belly can pick up on a mother's state-of-mind, and you don't want your baby to sense stress. I stayed peaceful by focusing on how excited I was to have a baby. I never felt resentment toward my pregnancy, because even on hospitalized bed rest, it was still an exciting time in my life.

As for being bored on bed rest, find a positive vice. Bed rest isn't fun. Granted, you have all the time in the world to sleep, watch TV, and read books, but for most women, it's just a whole lot of time to worry about your pregnancy. Everything gets monotonous, so you need to find something that is fulfilling and time consuming.

For me, I turned to writing (hence, my pregnancy journal turned book). If writing is not your thing, perhaps learn a new skill like sewing or get creative by scrap-booking. Consider taking an online class; have you always wanted to learn a new language? Read books that are NOT about babies to get your mind off things. Do a puzzle. Get coloring books and crayons. Anything that stimulates your mind and kills time. I also learned to love online shopping (which yes, can be costly...LOL). However, since I couldn't baby shop due to bed rest, I enjoyed making virtual purchases and receiving packages in the mail.

Finally, be good to your partner. My husband took on a wifely role when I was put on bed rest. He went to the grocery store, cooked, and cleaned. Be gracious and kind considering he too is going through the pregnancy in his own individual way. Make things easier for him. Get groceries delivered and schedule a professional house cleaner. The less stress for the both of you, the better.

-- For many parents, the high risk doesn't end at birth. What was helpful to you when you had a baby in the NICU?

I became a resident of the NICU alongside my son. There was no way I was going to leave his side, and I didn't throughout his 7-night stay in the NICU. The moment Nicholas was born, everything in my life became secondary. His 4 pound doll-like beautiful little body instantly became my everything.

At first, I was very intimidated by the NICU. I didn't know what to expect. There was nothing "wrong" with my son other than being born small and early, so I didn't understand why he had to be in the NICU.

However, entering the NICU is like entering a whole new world. You can read details in my book, but in a nutshell, the department became a big blessing in disguise. Nurses helped my every move; I learned so many things; and I brought home Nicholas confident to care for a premature baby.

My advice to parents with babies in the NICU is as follows: accept, embrace, and enjoy.

Sometimes it is hard to accept that your baby was born premature; we all envision a flawless full-term birth. However, once you accept your baby is just an earlier, smaller version of a full-term baby, you can make peace with the unsettling situation.

Next: embrace. Experiencing the NICU is an experience in itself. It really is an incredible department full of loving, supportive experts and professionals. You have the opportunity to ask questions. You'll become knowledgable on things you never thought you'd learn about. You will bond with your baby in a very different, special way. Despite being in the NICU, it is still the most amazing time in your life: becoming a mom. Embrace it.

And finally...enjoy! This is the fun part! After quite a pregnancy, your baby has arrived! It's now time to savor every moment. No matter your given situation--even if it's in the NICU, be happy. Trust me, time flies too fast. I can't believe my 4 pounder is now 20+ pounds. "Mom" is the best title you will ever assume.

No comments:

Post a Comment