1. Bullying always involves more people than the bully and the victim.
Bullying
is a social phenomenon and in order to stop it, everyone needs to be
involved. In most bullying incidents, studies show that four or more
additional peers are present[1].
Some assist by joining in the ridiculing or cheering on the bully from
the sidelines, and others encourage the bully by showing signs of
approval such as laughing or just watching and doing nothing.
What to do?
Parents and teachers need to encourage kids to play an active part in
their school community by providing opportunities to be positive role
models of good character, exemplifying the values that connect people
rather than divide them. Service projects that engage children across
age levels and peer groups break down self-made barriers, create
conditions to develop positive peer cultures, and help kids become
upstanders rather than bystanders when it comes to bullying.
2. Adults should prevent bullying behaviors, not model them.
Most
parents and teachers don't want their children or students to be
victims of bullying. However, the authority and power adults have and
need to guide and protect can also be used destructively. Correcting bad
behavior is necessary, but putting kids down and indicating that they
are bad kids or mocking their failings is bullying behavior that kids
pick up on as okay and will learn to use on other kids themselves.
What to do?
Correct the behavior, not the whole child. There is a big difference
between "You didn't do your homework, and we've talked about that
before. What happened?" and "You don't listen to me! What kind of a
student do you think you are?"
3. Bullying and conflict are not the same thing.
Conflict
inevitably happens between people trying to get their needs met, and
this can result in disagreement and hurt feelings. When people have
strong disagreements, aggressive behavior and responses result that may
appear similar to bullying. But there is an important difference. In
situations of conflict, both parties have a degree of power, and there
is a dispute over resources or decisions; there is no intention to
victimize a person based on some characteristic such as their ethnicity
or physical attributes. Another difference is that, for bullies, the
reward is largely social – increased status, power, attention or revenge
– not about an event or tangible reward. Kids are still learning how to
navigate the complex world of friendships, which also leads to
disagreements. Part of the growing-up process is learning how to solve
these problems.
What to do? Don't
assume that every conflict requires identifying a bully and a victim.
Conflict is a natural part of being human, and conflict resolution is a
skill that children and adults alike need practice navigating with care
and resourcefulness. Make sure your family and school teach and have
learned basic conflict resolution skills.
4. To break bullying cycles or patterns, learn to talk compassionately.
Picture
this: One student with a speech impediment is being belittled, teased,
and often interrupted during his classwork. To address this pattern, his
classroom teacher facilitates an intentional conversation designed to
both break the pattern and help the children involved understand the
impact of their behavior. In talking about being mean, the teacher also
engages and reinforces the natural sense of empathy with which we are
all born, but we all have to learn about and practice by being
compassionate with different people in different contexts.
What to do?
Compassionate communication helps in navigating interpersonal
relationships. But if bullying behavior persists, intervention is called
for: The victim will need specific support, and the perpetrator will
require specific consequences.
5. Give youth a voice and exercise your own voice, too.
Harassment,
intimidation and bullying behaviors among children and youth are a peer
phenomenon, and so kids are usually reluctant to talk with adults about
it. Families and schools need to build in times and structures to help
facilitate youth talking about their experiences, both positive and
negative. Young people need to feel like they have an adult to whom they
can turn if they are the target of bullying. They also need ways to
feel safe expressing concerns about their peers’ bad behavior with
adults and their peers.
What to do?
Families and schools can create the conditions for youth voice by
developing and reinforcing widely-shared, positive social norms (core
ethical values), providing ways for all students to make valued
contributions to the well-being of others, and implementing programs
that regularly give youth a chance to speak their minds in a safe
environment. Ask your kids how things are going at school, and stay
tuned for signs of trouble with peers. Let them know directly and
indirectly that they are not alone and that you are available to help
them. Encourage them to be kind to others who are different than they
are. Let teachers and school officials know that you support their
bullying prevention efforts and programs, and hold them accountable for
responding with care and appropriate consequences when bullying occurs.
“Identifying
the problem and creating awareness is a huge first step toward
successfully overcoming a widespread crisis like bullying,” said Leigh
Ann Errico, CEO and founder of Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation.
“Wear the Cape aims to help society take the next big step, showing
kids that the power of kindness and good character is far greater than
the temporary, negative rewards achieved with bullying behavior, as well
as what doing the right thing looks like.”
Errico
built Wear the Cape and established the foundation in 2013 after she
came up short in her search for resources on kindness and
character-building that would appeal to her own four children. Other
parents clearly had faced the same challenge; Wear the Cape’s Facebook page
already has over 1,100 “Likes”, all through organic growth. The idea
for the brand was sparked when Errico observed that the chance to wear a
cape—the organization’s logo—motivates children to act like heroes, or
“Cape Kids,” in order to live up to the symbol of honor.
In
partnership with Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation, Dr. Brown
has embarked on a critical mission to help adults across the country
support the development of character in our youth.
About Wear the Cape and the kidkind foundation
Wear
the Cape™ for all kidkind™ is the first global, mission-powered brand
with the nerve to equate being kind with being cool. By coaching kids to
be BETTER THAN THAT™, Wear the Cape breaks down barriers and brings
people together—a world of new values prevails: It’s cool to be
inclusive, tolerant and socially responsible. From its line of apparel
and accessories, to its educational tools and its own non-profit the
kidkind foundation, Wear the Cape sparks awareness and raises money to
build heroes, a kid at a time. Wear the Cape’s products and resources
are designed to create teachable moments between kids and the grown-ups
they look up to with Hero Tags that tee up conversations about what it
means to stand up and stand out; to stick up for the underdog; to do
what’s right, not what’s easy. Wear the Cape donates 10% of its net
profits directly to the kidkind foundation, and the rest is reinvested
in the design and production of new products, as well as
character-building educational materials for parents and teachers to
help the kids they love. Wear the Cape’s work with communities and
schools is helping mold everyday heroes that will create a kinder,
better world for us all.
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