The
book, blog and business are all based on Marguerite and her husband
Howards’s experience raising their girl/boy twins together in NYC. In
their case, their daughter,
Samantha
is on the autistic spectrum, and most “experts” weren’t optimistic
about her chances for leading a normal life. Samantha’s family took this
challenge and advocated for her. As a now young adult,
Samantha is articulate and willing to speak-up for her Abilities rather
than just her Disabilities. She’s 25-years-old and such a role model
and Ambassador for girls and children with Special Needs.
1.
Buy school supplies
WAY in advance, while stores are less crowded and fully stocked.
Especially with a child on the spectrum, it’s important whenever
possible to avoid long lines and noisy crowded
places. Even if you don’t have a complete list of supplies from your
school until the last minute, you can still shop early for many items
and pick up the remaining few separately, right before the semester
starts. Encourage your child to be actively involved
with selecting notebooks, backpacks, pens, binders, etc. Is your
child’s favorite color blue? Buy the blue notebook and pencil case. Is
your child crazy about Hello Kitty or Spiderman? Find a backpack or
lunch box with his or her favorite character.
2.
Clothing—if
your child on the spectrum doesn’t wear a uniform to school, he or she
can transition into the classroom by wearing summer shorts
and tee shirts. That’s one less change in routine and one less
disruption. Stock up on fall and winter clothes in advance of the
season, as soon as they are available in stores. As always, you want to
avoid mobs and rushing. If your child is having a bad day,
you don’t want to feel pressured to shop. If you’re shopping far enough
in advance, you’ll have the luxury of choosing a better day. If your
child hates to shop, I suggest motivating them to cooperate by offering a
reward such as ice cream or a fun activity.
If your child wears a uniform to school, getting dressed on weekdays
will be simpler, but you will still need to buy weekend clothes.
Laying
out a clean uniform or a choice of outfit the night before saves time
and reduces stress in the morning. Ask for your child’s input. Take this
opportunity to develop the life
skill of choosing appropriate attire for the weather and occasion. Is
it going to rain? Put out galoshes and raincoats. Will it be chilly in
the morning, waiting for the bus? Leave out a sweater or light jacket.
Dialogue with your child about these choices
and why they make sense. Your child is more likely to be on time and
everyone’s morning will probably go more smoothly.
When
your children on the spectrum are young, it’s especially important to
make it easy for them to dress independently. I recommend sneakers with
Velcro instead of laces, zippers over
buttons, and soft stretchy fabrics that slip on and off easily. You may
need to remove all tags and labels to accommodate sensory issues. My
daughter ripped out scratchy labels, often tearing her clothes unless I
snipped them out first. Finally, try to find
some fun in clothing selection. Let your child wear their favorite
color and develop their own sense of style.
3.
Bedtime—if
possible establish a routine for school nights. For years my daughter
listened to the same Linda Ronstadt tape before falling asleep.
Your ASD child may prefer to read a story, watch TV or play video games
in order to relax before bed. The goal is to ensure that your child
gets enough sleep so he or she can function at their best. (Mom and Dad
also need time to unwind.) Establish a reasonable
bedtime for school days, weekends and vacations, and help your child
stick to it.
4.
Lunch—Make
sure your child has healthy, well-balanced choices in their lunch box.
My daughter insisted on a green apple every single day. Why
not? I always gave her one, along with her sandwich and juice box. It’s
important to honor your child’s taste preferences and sensitivities.
Some kids need each food item to be carefully separated; others avoid
certain textures or colors. Food fights aren’t
worth it. Pack a lunch your child will eat.
5.
Time Management—Help
your child figure out how much time he or she needs to get ready for
school. For younger children, you set the alarm, lay
out the clothes, and serve breakfast. As your child gets older, he or
she can begin to take over these responsibilities. Your mission is to
gradually make yourself obsolete. Will your 8 year old reliably brush
his or her teeth, without a reminder? Is your
daughter able to comb the knots out of her own hair or will she walk
out the door looking disheveled? At 10, my daughter brushed her teeth,
dressed herself without help, poured her own bowl of Cheerios, but
brushing her hair properly required assistance and
supervision for several more years.
6.
Mental Preparation—If
your child’s previous school year was wonderful, be sure to remind him
or her of last year’s success. Will they see a
favorite teacher or classmate who’s been away all summer? Does your
child love art or music class? If last year was difficult, emphasize all
the ways that this year will be better. Cheerlead your child into a
better vision. For example, “Now you’re in 8th
grade and you get the privilege of leaving school for lunch.” Reassure
them: “You definitely will not have that same math teacher again.” Ask
your child what they’re looking forward to and what they’re anxious
about. Above all, reassure them that you are there
to help with whatever problems may come up, just like you were last
year. You can remind your child about their past accomplishments.
“Remember when you thought you’d never ride a bike or learn long
division?” And then help them set achievable goals. “I bet
you’ll be able to read chapter books this year.”
7.
Medical Check Up—Make
sure your child is healthy. Is your kid’s vision perfect? Weak eyesight
interferes with learning at school, but may not
be obvious. My daughter had 20/20 vision, but she also had a condition
called exotropia (where her eye drifted out). Exotropia prevented her
from seeing the world in three dimensions and turned out to be the main
reason she wasn’t making good eye contact.
Don’t automatically assume autism is the culprit causing all your
child’s issues. Sometimes a good pair of glasses or the right eye
exercises can make all the difference. Many children with autism have
sensory motor issues like dysgraphia. It’s important to
address these challenges one by one. Maybe your child will need a
keyboard or occupational therapy or both. Set your child up to succeed
by anticipating and addressing their issues before they become chronic
problems. Finally, make sure your child’s psycho
ed evaluation is up to date so they start school with all their
accommodations in place.
Marguerite Elisofon is a New York City writer and the author of My
Picture Perfect Family, a memoir about how her family
navigated life with a child on the autistic spectrum before the internet
and support groups existed. She also blogs about parenting young adults
and disability related issues in The
Never Empty Nest. Her writing has been featured in a variety of publications, including Time and NY Metro Parents magazine,
and her family’s story has been featured by the NY Post, Fox News,
Parents Magazine, and on Jenny McCarthy’s Dirty Sexy Funny radio show. A
Vassar graduate, Marguerite was born and raised
in New York City, where she still lives with her husband, Howard, in
their mostly-empty nest. She is available to speak about a wide variety
of issues relating to twins, parenting, and autism.
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