In an age of bullying and desperation to fit in, it's interesting to see how feeling accepted in a community plays a role in our and our children's happiness over time.
A survey was taken of 2,000 Americans to better understand how a sense of community affects us from high school through adulthood.
They found:
- The #1 reason for being part of a crowd you don't identify with is convenience
- Only 62% of adults feel that they are part of a community and only 15% of us end up in the same crowd as adults as we were in high school and college
- Adults who turn to the internet to find a sense of community are happier than those who do not!
The full analysis can be seen here.
I had a chance to interview Dr. David Daskovsky of Yellowbrick to learn more.
I had a chance to interview Dr. David Daskovsky of Yellowbrick to learn more.
How does the definition of community change over time?
Some important things which have a direct bearing on the stability of communities have changed considerably over the past couple of generations. For example, people change jobs more frequently, are less likely to belong to a union, participate in civic organizations like the PTA or Jaycees less frequently, are less likely to attend church, all places where civil civic discourse, development of friendships and community building have tended to occur. (See Robert Putnam’s book “Bowling Alone” for a well-researched account of these changes).
What has replaced these, according to Putnam, are technological alternatives like smart phones and the internet, which tend to make leisure more solitary and individualized, and which give people the illusion of connection without having to engage in the real thing. Putnam also points to other things that may weaken community ties. The increase in dual career families may be a factor, in that with more women working full time, the traditional role that women have played as social organizers and connectors may have diminished. Other factors may play a role as well, e.g., increase in the frequency of divorce and the lessening of the role of the extended family in American society, the advent of the big box/national chain store which make shopping a less personal and community particular experience.
It is clearly true that after high school and college, the ready-made opportunities for socializing are less available and it takes more effort and initiative for adults to make and keep friendships.
What has replaced these, according to Putnam, are technological alternatives like smart phones and the internet, which tend to make leisure more solitary and individualized, and which give people the illusion of connection without having to engage in the real thing. Putnam also points to other things that may weaken community ties. The increase in dual career families may be a factor, in that with more women working full time, the traditional role that women have played as social organizers and connectors may have diminished. Other factors may play a role as well, e.g., increase in the frequency of divorce and the lessening of the role of the extended family in American society, the advent of the big box/national chain store which make shopping a less personal and community particular experience.
It is clearly true that after high school and college, the ready-made opportunities for socializing are less available and it takes more effort and initiative for adults to make and keep friendships.
Why is convenience such a big factor in community?
People tend to gravitate towards convenience because it feels safe and it takes less time and effort to feel like they fit in and part of a community. Were naturally drawn towards people with shared interests and that are close geographically to us.
Comfort and convenience makes us more relaxed, more motivated and more self-assured which allows us to be a more productive and happier member of the communities in which we choose to be part of.
How can people really feel like they're part of a community, whether they chose it because of interest, convenience, or some other reason?
Community begins with you. An important part to feeling part of the right community is to find one that makes you comfortable in your own skin where you feel like you can contribute to the community and towards the greater good of said community. The first step in achieving this is to show up as yourself and to be candid with others. Actively share your passions and interests and seek out others that share those with you. People need to feel safe, seen, heard and honored to truly feel part of a community.
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