Sunday, December 16, 2018

Parenting Pointers: Toxic Family Relationships

"I'm dreading another toxic Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where mom creates friction and I get to listen
To Uncle Ted's political blow by blow"
Sounds like a familiar tune? For many of us, the holiday season is not the most wonderful time of year – it's the time we look forward to the least. Why? Two words: toxic family.
No one - and I repeat NO ONE - loves the holidays more than your toxic family members. They use these days as emotional sporting events to show off how manipulative, conniving and toxic they can be… and believe me, they are going for the gold.

Toxic family members love manipulating people into giving them all of their undivided attention and have no problem getting in between family members to pit one family member against another. There is not one good reason to spend your holidays in this type of chaos and drama. Think about it, why do you need to ruin your holidays just to please toxic people who you can’t please anyways? How about just un–invite the crazies in your family to the party or find a way to uninvite yourself to their drama show? Dr. Sherrie Campbell has worked with hundreds of people who have to deal with this drama each and every holiday season. She is also a survivor of a toxic family and is sharing her story and expertise in her new book, But It’s Your Family…Cutting Ties with Toxic Family Members and Loving Yourself in the Aftermath, scheduled to be released nationwide by Morgan James Publishing in April 2019.

I had a chance to interview to learn more.

Why did you decide to write But It's Your Family?
I chose to write this book to give a voice to those of us who have been raised by incurable toxic parents like myself and the patients I work with. Because toxic abuse cannot be proven, many of us stay in the environment that is the most abusive to us due to fears, unfair and ignorant societal judgements, and fears of being without family. There are so many of us that deserve to be set free from these dynamics without guilt but with support and praise for our courage to stand for ourselves.  

What are the health impacts of toxic family relationships?
We leave our childhood lacking in the following ares of our mental and emotional health:

self-acceptance
clear sense of identity
self-compassion
self-protection
capacity to draw comfort from relationships
ability to relax
capacity for full self-expression
willpower and motivation
peace of mind
self-care
belief that life is a gift
self-esteem
self-confidence 

How can people preserve positive relationships while cutting out those that are harmful?
We do not cut ties to maintain any type of relationship with toxic people. Toxic people form incurable personality disorders that are progressive in nature. The reason we cut ties is not done with the intention to hurt our toxic family members. We cut ties to protect ourselves knowing we can not heal in the environment that is oppressing and abusing us. When we cut ties it is black and white. 

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