Parenting Pointers: Advice from Rabbi Rupp

Here's some advice from author and Rabbi Jacob Rupp, founder of the platform Lift Your Legacy, who can advise on relationship coaching.  

In Proverbs, “Raise a child according to his nature, and he won’t depart from it when he gets old.”  Sometimes it makes sense to listen to the ancients.  

Overstressing and overburdening children has become the norm instead of the exception in this day in age. Partly it’s because, there are so many opportunities available. Sometimes, if we are honest, it is because we as parents want to give the kid the experiences we never had, and have them turn out to be perfected versions of us. However, with these motivations, you won’t raise strong kids, and your kids may achieve a lot but its only because you’re pushing them, and as soon as the pressure is over, so is there work ethic. 

The first piece is to follow the age-old advice of marketing guru Seth Godin, “People like us do things like this.” Meaning, lead by example. If physical strength, health, and hard work is important to you, the parent, and you don’t make your children hate you, likely they will follow your example. The most effective way of parenting is modeling the behavior you want you children to embody, and then creating enough love and connection with your children that they want to model you. Parents are always the children’s first natural people to whom they want to emulate.  

Have your children enjoy doing things that are difficult. Make it fun for them. Have them do jiu jitsu or another martial art that builds confidence and makes you stronger. Do it with them. No one likes to lead a leader who isn’t leading them.  

Reward their effort and their failures. Nothing destroys confidence like only caring about the end result. Sara Blakley, the self made billionaire founder of Spanks relates that her best lesson growing up came from her father who would ask each of the kids one thing they had failed at that day. If effort and failures are rewarded, instead of successes, the children learn to love to work, instead of learn to love accolades.  

At the core, emotionally strong people who can stand up to challenges are people who have a strong sense of self. That is the job of the parent. Love your children openly. Tell them you love them. Encourage them. Hug them. Kiss them. Treat your spouse nicely, with love and respect. When children hear their parents fighting, their world is crumbling beneath them. If they feel unloved, they will be emotionally weak on the inside no matter how big and strong they get.  

Encourage to do the things that they love. A person’s roots and desires are fairly open as children, and if you teach them and encourage them to be in touch with themselves, they will love you for it, have self confidence, and naturally want to try hard to get better. 

More about Rabbi Rupp:
Rabbi Jacob Rupp, hailing from San Diego, California is a rabbi, coach, syndicated columnist, podcast host, speaker, and business strategist who helps clients achieve clarity on goals and strategies, become honest and forgiving, and live more spiritually connected lives. He does one-on-one performance and marriage counseling, group coaching, and keynote speaking. Rupp draws from the gamet of cutting business, relationship, and leadership strategy and roots them in ancient Jewish tradition.  
Rabbi Rupp has had many breakthrough transformations in his own life.  Coming from a spiritually ambiguous background and a loving but dysfunctional family, which included him losing all contact with his emotionally abusive father in high school, he sought to change the trajectory of his life.  He has been happily married for over a decade, has four children, lost over 100 lbs., and has built his own business, Lift Your Legacy, helping those who are driven and spiritually seeking obtain access to the tools they need to live purpose-driven lives.  He also started and grew a social media marketing agency, focusing on helping workers and employee-minded people create alternative income streams and get their messages out to a wider audience through the medium of podcasting. 

Rabbi Rupp holds two BA’s, one from the University of California, San Diego and the other from the Ohr LaGolah Hertz Institute for International Teacher Training, has his rabbinic ordination from the former head rabbinic judge in Jerusalem, and completes on average two books a week, and four plus hours of classes daily on topics that span from Torah study to business mastery.