Healthy Habits: Sober Houses

New details continue to emerge following Wendy Williams’ relapse and hospitalization just hours after her husband and his alleged mistress welcomed a baby. Williams has been living in a sober house to overcome her battle with addiction, but according to Mallory Neuberger —the founder of several sober houses and a recovering addict—this relapse is proof that no one can pay their way to sobriety.

“Unfortunately, it’s quite common that women come into sober houses and their husbands cheat on them or leave them,” says Neuberger, author of Sober.House (My Story). “But they learn how to handle these situations without picking up drinks or drugs. Wendy needs to realize that no one can buy sobriety. It’s time to truly get honest with the public, and most importantly, herself.”

Neuberger—recently featured on CNN's HLN—recently did an email interview with me to learn more.

Q. What is a sober home and how do they help people on the road to sobriety?

A. A sober house is typically a steppingstone from inpatient rehab into the real world. Attending rehab is a good start for a person who has decided to get sober, but there are few or no opportunities to relapse in a good rehabilitation center. It is when we re-enter the real world that the triggers to relapse hit us, and a sober house offers accountability and structure that is very important in order to maintain sobriety. Sober houses drug test and breathalyze their residents. They have curfews, chores, and mandatory wake-up times every day. Prescription medications are typically locked up dispensed by staff to avoid misuse. They require attendance at 12 step meetings and working the steps with a sponsor. Residents may attend outpatient treatment, individual therapy sessions, and either work or volunteer. There are always staff and other residents around to help residents talk through cravings and to provide support which is essential for people who hope to recover and live productive and joyous lives free of alcohol and other substances. While living in sober homes residents should learn the ways to stay sober when they go back into the real world.

Q. Why are other healthy lifestyle choices, like physical activity and nutrition, so important?

A. When we put down alcohol and drugs, our brains still crave the dopamine that we have become accustomed to. Our bodies can naturally produce endorphins during exercise resulting in healthy feelings of relief. Exercising thirty minutes a day has been proven to create positive changes in mood which helps to prevent relapse. In my own recovery I have found yoga to be extremely positive. Learning to breathe with intention and to remain present (or mindful), on my mat, has taught me how to take those tools out into the world while also building core strength and flexibility. On long runs I experience euphoric feelings of happiness which far exceed any high that I ever got from alcohol or other drugs. 

What we eat direct correlates to how we feel. When we put down alcohol and drugs, we often crave sugar. During the first few months of my own recovery I ate candy and drank six large coffees every single day. I was replacing drugs and alcohol with other things, and my counselors and sponsor told me that it was okay at that time as long as I didn’t pick up drugs or alcohol. As I grew stronger in my recovery, I was able to put down the massive amounts of coffee and candy and found that a single piece of dark chocolate or a piece of fruit were healthy replacements for the cravings that I was feeling. Many people in recovery gain weight when they get sober, which can lead to relapse if we don’t regain control and begin to eat foods that are healthy and that fuel our bodies and minds without leaving us with feelings of sugar, caffeine, or carbohydrate hangovers. Our moods improve when we are eating healthy foods and exercising regularly.

Q. How can people work to end the stigma that often surrounds addiction?

A. In my recovery I have been amazed to learn how many people are unaware that addiction is a disease, and that people in recovery cannot take any mood or mind-altering substances. In the hospital for an emergency appendectomy, I frantically told the nurses and doctors that I was an addict in recovery and could not take opiates or other addictive substances. They looked at me with pitying eyes, making me feel weak and pathetic. Only the anesthesiologist understood, asking me how long I had been sober and whether I had a good sponsor. I woke up to a whiteboard in my hospital room with the word ‘Dilaudid’ written in big black letters. I was horrified and refused to take the Dilaudid while I was healing, opting for a much weaker and non-addictive medication instead. Pain never killed anybody, but I knew that taking these drugs could bring me right back into active addiction.

The only way to stop the stigma is to speak honestly about our addictions and to cease hiding behind this label. With years sober, people still shun me when I explain why I’m drinking sparkling water at a party or event where most are imbibing alcohol. They turn their backs on me, as they judge me and believe that addiction is a weakness or character flaw. Would they turn their backs on me if I told them that I had breast cancer and was undergoing treatment? I don’t think so. 

Today I wear my recovery from addiction as a badge of honor and I am no longer ashamed to say that I’m a drug addict and an alcoholic. The people who truly care about me support my abstinence and are always sure to have chilled sparkling water for me in their homes or on the table at restaurants. My shame almost killed me before I got sober, and if sharing my experience can help somebody else who is struggling with addiction I will gladly and loudly shout it from the trees.

Q. How can those looking to find treatment make sure that they’re finding reputable, effective places?

A. Do your research. Investigate treatment centers and sober homes to ensure that they are certified in their states and even nationally. Visit these places if you can and speak with the owners and the staff. Ask them why they are in the business and whether they are sober. In Florida, the Florida Association for Recovery Residences (FARR) is the agency that licenses ethical sober homes, so visit their website to find certified residences. NARR is the National Alliance for Recovery Residences (NARR). 

MALLORY NEUBERGER, MS, CRRA, author of Sober.House. (My Story), is the executive director of The Frog Pad, a safe and structured holistic healing house for women in recovery from drugs and alcohol. After struggling with her own addiction, Neuberger has dedicated her life to helping others find sobriety, volunteering at drug recovery centers including Hazelden IOP, The Addiction Institute in NYC, Gods Love We Deliver, and soup kitchens. She was also employed at Behavior Health of the Palm Beaches before opening her first sober house.