According to Centers for Disease Control, 18.5 percent (13.7 million) children and adolescents (aged 2-19) in the United States are considered obese (Body Mass Index “BMI” of 40+), and millions more are overweight. This puts them at risk for poor health, as well as bullying, body shaming, and will likely lead to obesity in adulthood.
As an adult who struggled much of his adult life with weight problems and obesity, “The Healthy Global Gourmet” Fred Bollaci is a classic example of someone whose weight problems began in childhood and grew exponentially as an adult. The effects of being “the fattest kid in school” were devastating and life altering for “Fat Fred.” They have continued to haunt him some 30 years after being bullied, physically abused, tortured, and teased by his schoolmates and other kids in his neighborhood because of his weight and appearance.
In his new book, The Restaurant Diet: A Spiritual Journey of Weight Loss & Self-Discovery, Bollaci—a foodie influencer on diet and weight loss strategy who lost 150 pounds in one year (2009) while living “La Dolce Vita” (The Sweet Life) — shares intimate details, tracing back to growing up in an Italian family—who loved to cook and loved to eat even more, reflecting on how the divorce of his parents led him to develop eating compulsions, and revealing how he visited "The Other Side" when he nearly died from sleep apnea—one of the effects of obesity—at age 30.
“Many children who are subjected to this kind of bullying and abuse turn to drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and other behaviors to escape, others act out and sabotage their academic success, some become delinquents, others risk becoming suicidal,” says Bollaci. “My message to kids is you are way more than your looks, your weight, or your body shape or size. My message to parents and caregivers: it is your responsibility to set the example for how to eat and live a healthy, balanced life that includes exercise and a balanced diet, and to keep kids out of any adult problems. I have worked first-hand with coaching clients who have struggled for years with their demons and wish they could go back and tell their youthful selves that everything would be alright, that it wasn’t their fault, and they didn’t need excess food or any external substances, or to harm themselves to be whole and lovable. I had to finally take my wounded inner child by the hand and show him the way to a peaceful, productive adulthood.”
Q&A with Fred Bollaci, Author, The Restaurant Diet
Why did you write this book?
I wrote “The Restaurant Diet” as a way of paying it forward by sharing my experience, strength, wisdom, and hope from my personal experience to help others. After losing 150 pounds in 12 months 10 years ago, and doing so in an enjoyable way—continuing to enjoy eating out in my favorite restaurants 4-5 nights a week, as well as cooking at home, many people I knew (and even some I didn’t know) encouraged me to write a book to share my unique approach. I learned through this process that losing weight and getting healthier is an exercise in self-love and self-discovery, not a short-term means to an end, like most diets, where we are deprived of foods we enjoy, and force ourselves to exercise for a period of time to hopefully lose a certain amount of weight. The problem is, assuming we are able to lose the desired amount of weight, now what? Are we going to keep doing what we did? My four-phase approach is compassionate and teaches self-love and empowers dieters with choices, freedom, and flexibility. I am honored to have been able to help hundreds of people lose thousands of pounds following my lead. I have now written two books, “The Restaurant Diet, How to Eat Out Every Night and Still Lose Weight,” (Mango 2018) a healthy-gourmet cookbook with mouthwatering recipes from 100 of my favorite restaurants from coast to coast, plus 25 from my own kitchen, all with nutritional facts and tips from the chefs themselves, and “The Restaurant Diet, A Spiritual Journey of Self-Discovery,” (Mango 2019), where I dive deep and share the most intimate details of my weight loss and what I learned during the process and in the years that have followed— wisdom anyone can easily apply to their lives to enrich, enliven, and improve any aspect of their lives!
How can people use restaurants to make healthy choices?
More restaurants than ever are geared to healthy dining, which is so important today, as our nation’s obesity epidemic has reached unprecedented proportions. Restaurants often get a “bad name” in the “diet” and weight loss world, but the truth is many restaurants offer healthy options, and if you know how to read a menu, plan in advance, engage the staff, slow it down and enjoy your experience, restaurants can and will become partners in your weight loss success and an enjoyable part of a healthy lifestyle. People need not fear restaurants or food when looking to lose weight. To achieve lasting success, the means need to be realistic. Avoiding your favorite restaurants, turning
down social invitations, and eating foods we simply don’t enjoy, like I did countless times I tried to diet simply did not offer a realistic long-term plan. My books and I teach self-love, compassion, informed choices, and learning to deal with why we overeat, by identifying triggers and looking inside at what is going on emotionally (are we sad, angry, fearful, tired, in a hurry) that make it easier to stick something (often unhealthy) into our mouths, or that lead us to eat more than we need. Learning to make food our friend is a key part of my approach, which begins by loving ourselves and wanting to give ourselves the best.
Why is it so important for parents to instill good habits in their kids?
A majority of our habits are ingrained in childhood. Very often, a family with food issues will have a number of overweight, and possibly underweight members. My overeating began in childhood, where I grew up in an Italian-American family that loved to cook and loved to eat out, but that also used food as a means of comfort, frequently overeating. Other family members went the opposite extreme and either didn’t eat or didn’t eat enough. Many of our food issues are learned, and our genetic tendencies to be overweight or an overeater are triggered by our surroundings. In my case, I watched my dad overeat when my parents were going through an unpleasant divorce, and afterwards, as a lonely only child, I too turned to food. By fifth grade I was the fattest kid in my school, and was bullied, teased, and physically abused. I didn’t like myself or my body or my life already, and this sort of physical and emotional abuse only made me feel worse. Many kids with weight problems have major self-esteem issues, are picked on and bullied, and often turn to more dangerous behavior such as substance abuse (drugs, alcohol, tobacco), or become anorexic or bulimic, and even suicidal.
My best advice is to deal with a relatively small problem early on or deal with a potentially deadly problem later. My weight issues and feelings of self-loathing and low self-esteem lasted several decades until I faced myself and began to realize, with help of the therapeutic process that I was a decent, kind, likable, and lovable person who deserved to be my best, who didn’t need excess food in order to feel whole. From my experience, weight issues in children are often signs of other problems—emotional, perhaps medical, and even possibly abuse. They are a warning sign that something isn’t right and needs to be addressed, as a family.
Parents need to set the example and be healthy role models for their kids, by providing a variety of foods and balanced nutrition, as well as engaging in exercise and fun activities as a family. The inevitable stresses and strains of life should be kept between the adults. Children should not be messengers and should not be exposed to unhealthy or addictive behaviors.
How can families make changes if they've been making unhealthy choices?
In my house growing up, one example is we were not allowed to have soda—regular or diet. Soda was something we could enjoy only on occasion when we were out. Having healthy snacks is important. Growing children have lots of energy and require a great deal of nutrition to grow and perform at their highest level. Having fruits and vegetables handy, cleaned and cut up is a must in my house today. Anything that is unhealthy—chips, processed foods, foods with preservatives, artificial flavors and sweeteners -- is not allowed in my pantry or refrigerator. Make eating better a family affair. Go to the farmer’s market as a family on the weekend. Pick the best local and seasonal produce and foods from local farms, artisans, and purveyors. Make better choices when dining out. Lighten up the cooking at home. Involve children and educate them. Set the example for how to live—you only have one body, give it the very best!
In this hectic world, it is more important than ever set aside a meal together and talk to one another, make food a positive experience to share and bond and find out what is going on in each other’s lives. When families are stronger, each individual family member is stronger. Setting positive traditions vs. grabbing fast food or microwaving foods, and eating junk like shakes, twinkies, devil dogs, will provide lifelong positive results.
Especially going into the holidays, it is important that families focus on reconnecting with their families and taking a more active role in their children’s and spouse’s lives which will build strong self-esteem in their kids
and in each other. Make it a priority to have at least one meal per day, particularly in families where both parents work. Families that eat together, stay together. Get involved in your children’s lives and invite your kids’ friends and their parents and caregivers over for a meal. For some, friends are family if family is gone or far away. It’s important to really get to know who your kids are and the best way to do this is to break bread together. Good advice, love, counsel and support flows freely at the kitchen or dining room table. Make your home a safe and fun place for your children and their friends to gather. Everyone wins!
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