Parenting Pointers: 7 Musts to Play Well with Others

Millions of children lack the executive function required to master the social skills essential to playing well with others, and since they are not on the spectrum and do not require a diagnosis, they are slipping through the cracks and suffering in silence.

Parents all too often assume this is a phase and that these children will grow out of it, but that is not the case; on the contrary, these children are growing up to become adults who struggle to make and keep friends, says Caroline Maguire, PCC, M.Ed. (media features include US News & World Report, Salon, HuffPost, Parade, MindBodyGreen, Publishers Weekly and more), a parenting and social skills coach who has been professionally helping children and teens for 15 years and speaks over 250 times per year to parents, teachers, caregivers and administrators around the country.

For example, the bossy child who doesn’t get invited to birthday parties grows up to become the adult who is excluded from happy hour by the rest of his/her coworkers. The child who is the rule police and constantly corrects other kids becomes the adult who thinks s/he is always right and finds him/herself alone more often than s/he would like. 

If these kids could play with others, they would. And chances are, if the child is struggling socially, so are the parents, so it’s a sad case of the blind leading the blind that becomes a hard-to-break vicious cycle for generations to come.

The good news is that thousands of parents have successfully coached their children to play well with others and make and keep friends by following Maguire’s program, which she lays out for the first time ever in her new book, WHY WILL NO ONE PLAY WITH ME?: The Play Better Plan to Help Children of All Ages Make Friends and Thrive , a jargon-free, user-friendly guide to help the shy kid, a kid who was great but now is in a 6^th grade without any of their friends and more. 

1.      Manage emotions rather than let them manage you. The ability to realize when you are experiencing “big emotions” and adapt, rather than expecting everyone to change for you. 

2.      Read the room. Scanning the situation and then adjusting your behavior to meet the demands of the situation.

3.      Meet people halfway. This could mean introducing yourself, starting a conversation, or answering a question when you’re asked. 

4.      Understand social cues and unspoken rules and be ready to change your behavior in response to them. This involves reading people’s facial expressions and body language, and being aware of your own.

5.      Learn to walk in someone else’s shoes, or see things through their eyes. To understand someone else’s perspective means to understand, to some degree, their motives and reactions. This includes their reactions to you.

6.      Be flexible and adaptive. Understand that part of your social role is to compromise, and recognize that at times it’s appropriate to place friendship or the larger group ahead of being right.

7.      Know your audience and adapt your communication to be appropriate. You may also need to adapt your tone, stories, and other information you choose to share, depending on the age and interests of those around you.

The sooner parents become proactive about nipping this issue in the bud, the more malleable their children’s behavior will be, and the sooner they can get back on track to a happier childhood.