Friday, November 20, 2020

Parenting Pointers: Adjusting for This Year's Holidays

 With the COVID-19 pandemic and the accompanying economic crisis, our cherished holiday traditions will be vastly different this year.

Extended families will think twice before gathering, travel will be risky, and shopping will be changed largely by the absence of many familiar retailers and tightened purse strings. A survey by Morning Consult found 71% of Americans said their holiday traditions will change; 47% of families say they will cancel holiday get-togethers.

Almost half say they will shift from in-person celebrations to virtual.
Dr. Yan Wang, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Endicott College in Beverly, MA, believes this year will be tough for many families who will need to assess the risks before visiting family for Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Kwanza or Christmas. Many will have limited resources for celebrating.

"Responsible family members will determine who in the family is vulnerable (older folks, those with preexisting conditions) and decide if a trip to see those people is a good idea," she said.
"On the other hand, if your loved ones are local and your area has a minimal level of COVID positivity, and especially if the same folks have been in your orbit lately, you may feel it's okay to visit, though still at safe distances," said Dr. Wang. "Those in warmer climates will find it easier because they can gather outdoors. In general, we need to be highly creative in finding new ways to stay emotionally connected with our extended families and to develop shared experiences through letters/Zoom/Facetime or other tools. Meanwhile, let's cherish the additional time we get to spend with our nuclear family because of the COVID changes, and make it quality time. Set up routines that include productive time, fun time, relaxing time and some alone time. Having dinner, playing games, watching movies and exercising together creates opportunities for parents and siblings to have conversation, exchange ideas and to bond."

Dr. Nancy MeedzanDean of the Endicott School of Nursing, advises families planning to gather to follow the CDC guidelines for events and gatheringsIf possible, all family members should be tested directly before events. That is one way of minimizing transmission. PCR tests are recommended over the rapid tests that can deliver false negatives. Limiting exposure to others before travel is another idea to enhance the safety factor.


If you can't see family, disappointment is almost a given, especially for children. It will be up to parents to create events and activities to fill in and distract children from what they're missing. Examples are craft projects, trips to places like Christmas tree farms and other outdoor attractions, baking, cooking, and doing all of the traditional home decorating.
In terms of transportation, travel increases your chances of getting and spreading COVID-19. Dr. Meedzan recommends checking state, territorialtribal and local public health websites for information before you travel. Although airplanes are fairly safe due to the air circulation as long as passengers are socially distanced and wearing masks, air terminals are high risk areas as they can bring you in close contact with others and frequently touched surfaces. Depending on where you live, trains may be safe, especially if you can travel at non-peak times. If using public transportation to get to airports and train stations, make sure to protect yourself. There are no real barriers to traveling by personal car.

Morning Consult's survey reported that 68% of Americans will travel less than usual this year. 

For lodging, an Airbnb is preferable to a hotel, but most hotels are now following strict sanitary protocols and encourage customers and staff to remain at safe distances. Staying at relatives' homes is probably the least safe choice.

The economy will certainly present challenges, especially for those who have lost jobsand have limited resources for holiday shopping. Experts say the answer is to do what you can and place an emphasis on gifts and meals that are budget-friendly but are nevertheless meaningful.

Because of the economy, Dr. Anna McAlister, associate professor of marketing at Endicott, says there will be sales and many bargains. Shoppers should take the time to look for deals and coupons.

As expected, more shopping will be done online this year than any year in the past. Amazon and UPS are gearing up since not only will gift-givers buy online, they'll also be looking to send packages to loved ones they will not see. Last year Amazon experienced a 20% jump over the 2018 holiday season. With COVID and fewer people shopping in stores they anticipate a 40% increase over 2019.  

Dr. McAlister said the holidays can be a happy time for many of us this year, if we focus on what we do have rather than freedoms we have lost. Taking a moment to be grateful for food on the table or stable housing can help many of us realize the ways in which we are fortunate. Of course, there are some families who have lost loved ones, and individuals who have lost jobs. Those folks are the ones most likely to struggle. For the rest of us, 2020 is a great lesson in valuing what we do have and decreasing the emphasis on material items.

"Happy holidays can be about quiet time without all the usual bells and whistles," said Dr. McAlister. "Happiness can be found in sharing what we have. If you know of a neighbor or friend less fortunate than yourself, you might consider dropping off a meal or small gift. An act of kindness - no matter how small - might lead to a new friend at your dinner table next holiday season when it is safe to gather together."

I had a chance to interview Dr. Wang to learn more.

What are some of the ways that changing or skipping traditions can affect our mental health? 

Many Americans count on Thanksgiving celebrations as family rituals with important symbolic meanings. We follow certain routines to get a sense of structure, predictability, and coherence. Change of these routines not only takes away our opportunities to see loved ones in person, but also accentuate the perceived uncertainties of this year. Needless to say those disagreements within the family...

How can people stay connected for the holidays even if they aren't physically together? What are some creative ways people can start new traditions or adapt old traditions? How can parents and caregivers have conversations with their kids about why this year needs to be different?

Being creative with the adaptation certainly helps. For example, outdoor gathering with local family/friends, like hiking, biking, games, mini-parade, holiday themed arts & crafts; virtual dinner together where you can even use the TV as the projector to feel your out-of-town family’s presence; use the time you save from traveling and big meal prepping to work on some projects that you always wanted to do, like collecting a slideshow of the year, experimenting with new recipes, or everyday eating different food representing different cultures; with smaller family gathering, children may be able to play a bigger role in planning, cooking, and even hosting; maybe you can use the holiday to learn some new games from your children and play together with them – it could be surprisingly fun to let your children teach you, cheer for you, and motivate you if you lose a game; movies, puzzles, story-telling, putting on family shows……

More importantly, let’s stay hopeful. If life is like an obstacle course, when things get harder, we just get more careful. We will be rewarded with greater joy after we get through the tough part together. We are making short term compromises for a lot more bonding time in the future. There is an old saying in Chinese, “as long as the green hills remain, there'll be no shortage of firewood.” It basically means, “where there is life, there is hope.” One-time change does not take away our commitment to these family traditions at all. Maybe we can even spare some time to plan for what, where, and who for next year’s thanksgiving!

If it helps at all, maybe it's time to review that Marshmallow experiment on delayed gratification!

About Endicott College
Endicott College offers doctorate, master's, bachelor's, and associate degree programs at its campus on the scenic coast of Beverly, Mass., with additional sites in Boston, online, and at U.S. and international locations. Endicott remains true to its founding principle of integrating professional and liberal arts education with internship opportunities across disciplines. For more, visit endicott.edu.

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