Dave Stultz believes in a FEARLESS life filled with inspiration and possibilities: the self-described 'mindset coach' for men has a deep passion for helping his students succeed beyond their wildest dreams.
TheFearlessMan.com, Stutz's motivational website he founded with friend and fellow success coach Brian Begin, is aimed at bringing men together in a supportive environment focused on self-improvement, building confidence and creating overall pleasure in everyday life.
Stultz teaches FEARLESS students to confront fears and set goals, which people often face in the world of athletics. Stultz should know: his once-debilitating panic at the idea of heights and flying inspired a bold shift in attitude towards extreme sports such as skydiving, snowboarding and rock climbing; Stultz is now a licensed sky - and scuba diver as well as a certified snowboard and ski instructor.
In addition to his enthusiasm for sports, Stultz's rich life experiences so far include running his own businesses and managing nightclubs as well as commercial and fashion photography.
With the launch of TheFearlessMan.com and its empowerment seminars, The Gathering and The Experience, Stultz and Begin are now able to focus on teaching men the important steps to long-term success in career, love, relationships, health and happiness.
I had a chance to interview him to learn more.
Why did you create The Fearless Man?
We created The FEARLESS Man because we saw too many - the majority - of life and dating coaches missing the mark when it came to actually getting to and working through the root causes of what's really holding men back in their lives, whether it be in their dating life and relationships, their careers, or just their overall lifestyle and life satisfaction. So much of what we see out there operates on surface-y levels and techniques to try to work around insecurities and defense mechanisms rather than healing the "deep down" stuff. As Brian says, if you don't have what you want or you aren't rapidly moving towards it, there's an emotional block you aren't facing. And men, as a group, tend to have an especially poor relationship to their emotions compared with women. That's what we focus on - shifting your relationship to the emotions that are pushing away the people, success, experiences, and quality of life that you want.
What sets your courses apart from other courses that might be considered "pick-up artist" courses?
A lot. Dating coaching is only part of what we do - we have more and more men coming to us who are in happy relationships and wanting to focus on other areas of their life because they realize that what we're teaching and how we're coaching guys is often not about women at all. It's about how you're showing up as a man throughout life, how deeply conscious you are of your emotions and the emotions of others, how you handle your emotions, and how you open up and connect with people through all of that...even, especially, actually, through emotional vulnerability. True vulnerability - owning it - can actually be your biggest strength, it's what makes you human, it's the truest form of confidence (it takes confidence to be vulnerable), and it's an aphrodisiac. We don't know many "pickup artist" types who teach much, if any, of that in a significant way.
How can men develop a healthy sense of self-confidence without becoming too cocky?
If you're being overly cocky, that's actually ego, pride, and insecurity. Pride can feel great but deep down it's defending against something you don't feel fully solid about underneath the surface. In a tiny nutshell, you expand your confidence by:
-stepping into manageably higher and higher levels of tension - aka getting outside your comfort zone - on a consistent basis (the Confidence Journal is a great exercise if you stick with it) -truly take time to appreciate all your 1% gains and successes
-share your vulnerable emotions but from a place of owning them, not being owned by them or asking people to make you feel better/like you for them (needy and manipulative)
-working on letting go of attachment to outcome and filtering yourself for fear of what people think of you
-Getting out of your head and focusing on feeling. Feeling your emotions and feelings in your body, and the emotions of other people.
What do you think are some characteristics of healthy masculinity?
-Being grounded
Being able to stay relaxed in your body, in the present moment, out of your head while you're under tension
-Being good with tension
Tension is key to reliably having chemistry with women. The lack thereof is why many men hear things like "I just don't see you that way" again and again. It's being willing to be direct and real with women and all people - not tip-toeing around it if you're sexually attracted to someone, being ok with disagreements, conflict, and people not liking you or rejecting you. Having firm boundaries. Being good with tension is being ok with being comfortable with being uncomfortable.
-Being decisive.
This doesn't mean rigid, but it means you're willing to make a decision, go with it, and being ok with failing or things not going your way.
-Leading.
Again, this doesn't mean you're rigid or attached to always being the leader, but you can step into it and don't run away from it.
-Being penetrating.
With your eye contact, your voice, but your overall energy most importantly. All in good balance, but this is an important part of where that masculine, making things happen, assertive energy comes from.
-Embracing your feminine qualities, too.
We all have both masculine and feminine energy we can tap into. A well-rounded, masculine guy isn't afraid of his feminine - that's where your heart and emotional connection comes in, where your self-expressiveness comes from, and even where a lot of your sexual turn-on comes from.
How can men strike a balance between being assertive and supporting others?
Be assertive but just don't be attached to it for your sense of confidence or masculinity. Assertive, but again, not rigid. Taking time and breaths to shut up and listen, connect, and feel into how you can best support someone in a way that respects your own needs, time, energy, and boundaries. Striking a balance between being direct with people without being overly harsh (unless someone really needs some waking up). We don't really see being assertive as conflicting with being supportive - in fact, sometimes being assertive can be the most supportive thing you can do vs being overly careful and filtering everything you're thinking - that's not being real.
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