Did you know that 1 in 3 seniors die each year as a result of Alzheimer’s disease or another dementia related illness? According to the Alzheimer’s Association, it’s estimated that more than 6 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s in 2021.
While this disease continues to increase in prevalence and severity in our society, it is still quite a misunderstood disease. For both those struggling with the disease and loved ones looking for answers and guidance, being able to identify key symptoms, behaviors, and solutions is crucial for their overall health and wellbeing.
Lisa Skinner, behavioral expert in the field of Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias, navigates the heartbreaking challenges of having a loved one diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or other dementias in her recently revised book, “Not All Who Wander Need Be Lost”.
Skinner’s original thinking and counter-intuitive solutions provide family members, spouses, children, caregivers, and others with the tools they need to effectively manage the symptoms of brain disease. Readers of her book will feel empowered to work through the difficulties of the disease, and return to what matters — enjoying their remaining time with their loved one.
I had a chance to interview her to learn more.
Why did you write this book?
I worked in the eldercare industry for more than 25 years and throughout that time, I helped thousands of families struggle through the heartbreaking journey of having a loved one suffer with dementia. With every family I encountered, it seemed to be a common situation where most did not really understand the disease, or know where they could get help to understand it. Many encouraged me to write a book so people would have a resource to help them better cope, so I eventually did write the book.
What is the best way to respond to a loved one when they have a false belief due to Alzheimer's or dementia?
The best way is to do what we call “join their reality”. This means that you go along with whatever the false belief is vs. trying to correct them or argue with them. This is the most effective approach because no matter how hard you might try to convince someone that their false belief is not true, it won’t change what they are telling you they believe, so “joining their reality” is really the only way to keep the situation from escalating to a confrontation.
How can families ease the sense of guilt if they aren't able to care for their loved ones themselves and need to place them in the care of a professional?
First and foremost, find a care facility or caregivers who have been trained to care for people with cognitive impairment, as It requires very specialized skills to achieve optimum care. If you can, visit regularly so you can see that they are thriving in their environment. You will be able to noticeably tell if they are happy and living a meaningful life, and if you see this, you will feel good about the environment they have been placed in. I have seen many families transition from agonizing guilt to relief once they know that their loved one is happy.
How can families make the most of the time they have together if a loved one has Alzheimer’s or dementia?
Families can make the most of the time they have together by creating moments of joy with their loved ones. We know that they might not remember the details of the event they shared with their loved ones, but they will remember the wonderful feelings they had from sharing that special time with them. There are many ways to accomplish this. One suggestion is to look through old photo albums with them and ask them to tell you about each photo. Try not to ask if they “remember this”. Just let them tell you their story about each photo, even if the details aren’t very accurate. Another thing they can do is learn the best way to react or respond to the many behaviors that surface with dementia. It can mean the difference between creating a stressful situation or creating a meaningful one.
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