Whether you’re returning to a hybrid workplace or remaining remote, the pandemic has had a significant impact on our digital presence. We’re constantly connected, checking emails before bed and on weekends with very little down time. So, what are some everyday strategies for setting boundaries and reclaiming your life?
Thomas Anderson—a Swedish entrepreneur, change manager, inspirational speaker, and life coach—is on a mission to help others manage digital stress and re-learn how to handle their emotions in an overwhelming world.
I had a chance to interview him about setting boundaries and avoiding burnout.
In today's world, we're often expected to be always available. How can people manage that realistically?
Well, you can’t be available all the time, it is not realistic. We are living in a time now where things are changing, you can be connected 24-7, there is now limit like it used to be before. That is the new thing that you need to set your own boundaries and decide when you want to be available. Try to see on the expectations you set on yourself, do you need to answer that message right away? Why is it important to be reachable, for which reason? Talk with your friends and family, what expectations do we have on each other. Maybe you can set rules of when you answer messages or calls, for example you can set you phone on “Do not Disturb” mode, which means you can be contacted by the ones you want, but all other calls, messages, notifications are not seen. So it is new times, but to keep yourself balanced you need to set routines that works for you. And give it perspective, do you really need to be available all the time? Look at the times before the connected world, it worked fine to give things time and space, and it will now too. We just need to talk about expectations and agree on how we now communicate.
What is the relationship between technology and emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to perceive, use, understand and manage emotions. If you are person with high emotional intelligence, you are more aware and in touch with your own emotional patterns and you are also more open and understanding emotions of others. By this you can better understand your feeling, what caused the reaction, what are your normal patterns on this kind of situation, and you can chose how to express the emotions you feel. Or if you should act or express anything at all. Also you are more open and understanding how you should adjust to understanding others and their emotions.
Which means that emotional intelligence in nothing new, it is normal human behavior. Technology is now changing the playing field and enables and opens up the possibility for more interactions and impressions. One can say that the technology is a catalyst for emotions with the way we now interact, we can get information from around the world instantly, we can facetime with someone on the other side of the world. The problem we can experience is that our brain cannot differ fully from social interactions in person and on-line which can cause us to get more easily overwhelmed. Especially if you are a person that wants to help others, people, animals the planet. There is no stop, there always someone to help out there and it be frustrating not being able help to being there.
Why is it important to disconnect and how can people do that?
In a way we are all running mental marathons. If someone would be running around all day, or working at the farm, you would understand that you need a break from it. That the body needs to rest. It is now the same with the brain and your mind. If you are constantly connected, your brain is working the whole time, but it is not seen on the outside in the same way. Which then creates a problem and maybe not the same understanding from others since we do not see how we work in our mind. This can then cause that you push yourself harder, since you are “the only one” feeling tired. And we see the consequences with increased mental illness and more people being burned out at work.
What you can do is creating breaks for yourself, just as you would rest after running, you can now plan to rest for your mind after being active. Take breaks without interactions, the phone or the computer, be more in nature and go for walks, find space where your mind can rest. Set times in the family when you are not using different devices, try to start and end the day without the phone. I sometimes see it as a candy store, being connected is great and gives many possibilities, but also you need to keep it balances. Eating candy, the whole time is not good for your body.
What do people need to ask in order to really take time for themselves?
Stop and really think about how you are feeling, are you stressed, are you sleeping ok? Is your mind spinning all the time? Are you picking up the phone checking things without you remembering why you picked it up? Do you feel overwhelmed by small task that you easily did with without any problems? Do you feel that you are more easily angry, get upset or have changed your behavior? These can be warning signals that you can be on the path to burn-out. In a way it can sneak up on you, adding on things you want and like, and then somehow it is just to much and it is hard to let things go.
If you feel like this, take a step back and get perspective on the things you are doing. Can you reduce the work, prioritize, are all things you are doing important, can you push things forward, delegate? And in all, the way you are doing things now, is this the way you want to live your life and is it a sustainable lifestyle? And it can be hard to take that step back, especially in a world that is running so fast, but maybe also that it is why it is important. Are you running in the direction you want, where are you planning to end up?
How does the digital world keep us "trapped," and how can we reclaim our world for ourselves?
Social media for example uses behavioral science, designing the app to keep you there. The instant flow, that you don’t need to click “next page” is good example, before that was a step for you to actually stop and think, it is enough, now there is no limitation, you can just keep on scrolling. And we as humans and our brain are designed for different times, we are built to look out for possibilities, opportunities and to avoid risks, that is how we have survived as a species. When you pick up the phone for no reason or just want to check something, you end up somewhere else and then 30 minutes or an hour have passed. This is what happens, it triggers your biological patterns, and the social media uses algorithms to have suggestions what you most likely should you want to see and you keep on going. And the other thing is that media sells on click and fear, since you want to avoid risk, it triggers you to check to be safe.
What we need to do is to be aware that the digital world creates many possibilities but also to see that it can also be addictive. We need to balance it, just as with candy, alcohol, or what it can be. Understand how we are affected, since the connected world can trigger our inner fears of not being enough, comparing ourselves with others, being perfect, or afraid of not being part of the social group. With increased self-awareness, understand your patterns and how it affects you emotionally, you can take a step back finding and learning what works for you. And be kind to yourself, it is a new world, take it step by step on the journey finding the way back to yourself.
THOMAS ANDERSON is a Swedish entrepreneur, change manager, inspirational speaker, and life coach. As a project manager, change manager, and management consultant, Anderson’s career has taken him to the United States, China, and many countries across Europe. Anderson is the author of The Vulnerable Man: Break Your Patterns. Master Your Emotions. Reclaim Your Life.
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