Dry January is Over. What Did You Learn?
Another Dry January has come and gone. We’ve entertained ourselves with mocktails. We’ve proudly reported our status as temporarily booze-free. Maybe we felt a little guilty when we cheated or didn’t participate at all and wondered what all the fuss was about.
The challenge is over, and we now have permission to pour ourselves a ginormous glass of cabernet to celebrate. But should we? Well, that depends. What did thirty-one days without alcohol accomplish for you?
At its core, I think the point of this period of abstinence is to give us the breathing room to question the role of alcohol in our lives. Or perhaps, the importance of booze to those around us. This one I know intimately. I was married to a high-functioning alcoholic for twenty-five years. And he didn’t meet any of the stereotypes of a boozer. No slurring, no stumbling, no obnoxious behavior.
So, with Dry January behind us, perhaps this would be a good time to reflect on what problem drinking looks like. It’s impossible to evaluate our own relationship with alcohol, if we don’t know what troublesome drinking looks like and it’s even harder to see in others. Therapists have a list of questions around frequency, the number of drinks a day, and morning drinking. My husband would have passed that quiz with flying colors, yet it became clear he was still an alcoholic. I assume he had cravings he didn’t admit to, but denial was a well-practiced skill and his desire for a drink easily rationalized as a treat after “a rough day.”
Where I ultimately landed in “this is problem drinking” was not how much he drank or how often or “are his eyes glassy today?” For me the bottom line was need. He kept drinking after repeated “what’s going on?” conversations and promises of curtailment.
So, again I’ll ask the question as you put Dry January in the rearview mirror, what have you learned about yourself and does drinking feel different to you now? If so, that’s the real win.
About Dana Killion:
Dana Killion grew up in a small town in northern Wisconsin, reading Nancy Drew and dreaming of living surrounded by tall buildings. A career in the apparel industry satisfied her city living urge and Nancy Drew evolved into Cornwell, Grafton, and Evanovich. One day, frustrated that her favorite authors weren’t writing fast enough, an insane thought crossed her mind. “Maybe I could write a novel?” Silly, naïve, downright ludicrous. But she did it. She plotted and planned and got 80,000 words on the page. That manuscript lives permanently in the back of a closet. But the writing bug had bitten. Her first novel, Lies in High Places, published in 2017, kicked off her mystery series. It was followed by The Last Lie (2018), Lies of Men (2019), Tell Me a Lie (2020), and The Liar’s Code (2022). Now, Dana presents her first memoir. A story born of a life in turmoil and her husband’s addiction, a situation where the only way through was to write it. And as she wrote, the themes in her personal trauma became clear and loud and screamed for attention because they are the themes of many women, not just women with an addict in her life, but women who have been silent and who have set aside their truth for the benefit of another. Women ready to find the strength and solace Dana has found through her own reinvention. Dana currently lives in Tucson, Arizona with her kitty Isabel, happily avoiding snow and mending her heart.
Instagram: @dana_killion_author
Twitter: @DanaKillion1
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DanaKillionAuthor/
About Where the Shadows Dance
Dana Killion’s debut memoir lays bare the slow drip of trauma as she fought to save the man she loved, and in the process, became collateral damage in his self-destruction. Where the Shadows Dance recalls Dana’s vulnerable yet courageous fight for family, her husband’s sobriety, and herself as she stepped away from the shadow cast by his pain. “What appeared to be heavy drinking was instead the crushing burden of living with a high-functioning alcoholic,” shares Dana. “Empty bottles of beer appeared in strange places. Pass-out drunk incidents became routine. Eventually, vodka was being guzzled straight from the bottle, I realized. Promises of curtailment became short-lived illusions and intricate games of hide-the-evidence.” This raw dive into Dana’s personal life is for every woman who has set aside her life for the needs of another. It is a story of secrecy and what happens when we face a life based on illusion. It would be easy to say that Where the Shadows Dance is a story about a marriage, but in reality, marriage is simply the setting. It is a story about what we do for love, what we do because of love, how love can break us, save us, and remind us that the most important kind of love is the one we find for ourselves. Where the Shadows Dance is a story for women who have been caretakers and support staff; a story for women who have suppressed their needs and are looking for the courage to do one small thing for themselves because they need to feel valued. It is a story for women with addicts in their lives who feel invisible, shoved to the background by the incessant demands of the disease. It is a story for women no longer willing to live silently in the shadows.
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