Book Nook - Abandoned at Birth

 It’s stunning to realize that only 10 states make birth records available to American-born adoptees and their biological parents—Alabama, Alaska, Colorado, Connecticut, Kansas, Maine, New Hampshire, New York, Oregon and Rhode Island. For adult adoptees born in the 20^th century era of closed adoptions, this presents a painful obstacle to discovering their origins and ending the agonizing hunger to know their own identity.

 

Janet Sherlund poignantly captures this journey in her elegant and heart-wrenching memoir, ABANDONED AT BIRTH: Searching for the Arms That Once Held Me (Forefront Books; May 7, 2024). Sherlund paints a vivid portrait of the detachment and longing of an adopted child and the lifelong quest to find her biological mother. It’s an unflinching examination of the grief and trauma caused by this primal separation and the dogged determination it takes to face the forces of opposition—both internal and external—to finally achieve answers.

ABANDONED AT BIRTH illuminates the darker side of adoption, and what it takes to heal. “I hope it starts conversations about the rights of those given away, loss and grief in adoption, the biology of belonging and identity, and why love is not always enough to extinguish the pain,” Sherlund says.

Like many adoptees of her generation, Sherlund was the offspring of teenaged parents. Her mother was forced to have her baby in secrecy. Sherlund would come to learn that her mother was unusual for her time. Not only did she not tell the father she was pregnant, she wanted nothing to do with her baby and never even looked at her newborn.

All Sherlund had to go on when she began her search was a false narrative written about her biological parents by the adoption agency. The twists and turns, setbacks and disappointments, and surprising familial connections finally achieved makes ABANDONED AT BIRTH a page turner of a memoir. 

I had a chance to learn more in this interview.

Why did you write this book? Why is it important for people to learn about the emotional challenges surrounding adoption?

I wrote the book to help the reader feel what it is to be adopted, with hope they will bring emotional understanding to decisions about adoption and adoptee rights.  This is important to effect change in adoption law and inform decisions on issues such as rights of donor conceived people, and to provoke conversation about authentic identity, biology and belonging.

How can adoptive families support their children in processing feelings of grief, abandonment, and loss?

I believe adoptive families are strengthened by sharing open, honest communication, including respect for and understanding of the biological family and heritage, and affording freedom to verbalize the tremendous loss, grief, and abandonment adoptees experience. 

What do you hope readers take away from the book?

I hope my book allows readers to understand the trauma of separation from your genetic origins, and to appreciate how critical that knowledge is to building a healthy and whole individual.  

JANET SHERLUND served on nonprofit boards in education, health and the cultural arts before writing her memoir, Abandoned at Birth. Her single most significant life event was being given up for adoption at birth. Being adopted made her feel as though she was living a “borrowed life,” undermined her sense of trust and personal value, and impacted every decision she made. It also led to a lifelong quest to find her biological mother, with the hope of finally feeling a tether to this world, a sense of belonging and ultimately, herself. Her memoir fulfills a lifelong dream to raise awareness about loss and grief in adoption, and why it takes more than love to survive that trauma. A graduate of Colgate University, Sherlund lives on the island of Nantucket.