Book Nook - Moms Eat First: 5 Principles to Prioritize Yourself and Create the Change You Crave

 it can be easy to get caught up in the daily grind and lose sight of what we want in life. In her new book, Moms Eat First: 5 Principles to Prioritize Yourself and Create the Change You Crave, author Kathy Sullivan reminds moms to pause and take some time to re-evaluate life.

In the book, Kathy teaches readers to cut through all the chaos, identify what is essential, and let go of things that are not serving them well. I had a chance to interview her to learn more.

Why is it important for moms to make themselves a priority - how does it benefit instead of shortchanging the family?

Let’s face it. Being a mom is a 24/7 job. The responsibilities you have as a mom vary based on your personal circumstances. But one thing is for certain; the workload is demanding. And, it is not just about the number of things you have to do and the physical toll it can have; being a mom can drain your emotional and mental capacity, as well. This can leave you feeling like you are running on a proverbial hamster wheel every day.

What can add to the challenges moms experience is the way couples divide their time. Research shows the division of responsibilities remains unbalanced. According to recent studies conducted by Pew Research Center, women carry a heavier load when it comes to chores in the home and caregiving responsibilities. For single women and women of color, the gaps are even wider.

The result? Stress, feelings of inadequacy and overwhelm, and increased potential for depression. Even resentment, to name a few. The impact on moms is on their overall well-being and ability to thrive.

What are some things moms need to consider as they work to blend career, family, and self-care?Trying to integrate a career, support your family, and ensure time for self-care can feel insurmountable on most days. Ensuring you are on the priority list is essential to give the best to your family and your career.

There are some key factors to keep in mind as you navigate these areas of life. Here are just a few:

1. Evaluate the season of life you are in: Everyone has dreams they want to achieve within their careers and in life. For some, they want it all now. Worse, they try to do it all now. Consider where you are today, and where you want to go. What needs to take priority? To focus on overall well-being, you need enough physical, emotional, and mental capacity to succeed in any part of life. Decide what is important and what can wait until later. 

2. Think about your capacity and establish boundaries. Whatever your personal living situation is, you will need to understand what you have capacity to take on. As you consider your goals, identify what sacrifices will be made to achieve them, and establish appropriate boundaries for yourself and others. Then, communicate them accordingly. That may require you to have a difficult conversation with your partner, boss, or even your children to achieve your goals. 

3. Develop a growth mindset. Inevitably, when you have goals you are working toward, something will get in your way. An obstacle, or unexpected challenge. That requires adaptability, perseverance, and a positive mindset. If you struggle with the idea of self-care being a priority, you may have to reframe your thinking and look at it from a different perspective. You will be more productive and able to support people in your life and give the best to your career if you are feeling healthy, rested, and achieving what is important to you. 

What principles can moms use to prioritize themselves to create change?

How do you start prioritizing yourself? Some of you may even wonder if that is even possible. I am here to tell you it is. But it will require you to do the challenging work and potentially change how you operate and think about things. Below are the five R’s, as I refer to them, which are core to the five principles outlined in my book, Moms Eat First: 5 Principles to Prioritizing Yourself to Create the Change You Crave. These provide a framework to begin creating the change you want. Are you ready to elevate yourself?

1. Reflection is key to self-preservation: Take time to step back and assess things. Think about who you are and what you value. Evaluate what is on your plate and how you are feeling. Identify patterns of behavior and trends that are not serving you anymore. This is about identifying what is truly important, and acknowledging what things you may be holding on to that don’t align.

2. Rediscovering possibilities is essential to feeding your soul: Envision your ideal future. What would it look like if you truly prioritized yourself? What do you need? What do you want? Be sure to remove any constraints and reframe your negative thinking. This is about rediscovering possibilities and what could be without barriers. 

3. It’s never too late to reset priorities based on what is important to you: Once you have clarity of what is important and what you want,  you can reset priorities. What is most important? What needs to change to achieve your vision? This might require you to stop doing things a certain way, or it might require you to do things differently. This is about identifying your focus and taking action to move toward your vision.

4. Amid adversity you can reclaim power through choice: Change is difficult. Amid adversity, people often give up or lower their expectations of themselves. This is your biggest opportunity to reclaim what is important to you, but it will require you to become more comfortable with being uncomfortable. What will you do to stay strong and fight for what you want? The biggest opportunity for growth occurs when you are faced with a choice. You can take the path of least resistance or choose the more difficult route that will lead you to the desired change. 

5. Peace prevails when you release what you can’t control: We cannot control everything in life. Even when doing the hard work, we do not always get what we want exactly the way for which we had hoped. Sometimes you have to let go of the need to control outcomes and trust you are right where you are meant to be. Even then, things often have a way of working out for the best.

How can moms give themselves permission to adjust priorities?

As with most changes people experience in life, it isn’t a linear process. We do not move from point A directly to point B, or Z, in a straight line. There are many highs and lows, but if you keep your focus on the direction you want to go and iterate along the way, you will be that much closer to what you want and who you want to be.

If you question the idea of giving yourself permission to adjust your priorities, ask yourself why. What is the internal narrative you are telling yourself that you can’t permit yourself? Do you believe it is selfish? Do you worry about what other people would think? Explore those questions and try to gain an understanding if they are, in fact, true.

The truth is, being a mom is hard. Yes, there is so much reward that comes with that life-long assignment; but no one will put you first the way that you can.

Elevate yourself, moms. You are worth it!

Kathy Sullivan is the principal and owner of Talent Principles, a coaching and organizational development consultancy, and author of Moms Eat First: 5 Principles to Prioritize Yourself and Create the Change You Crave. She works with organizations, teams, and individuals to facilitate positive change. She designs and facilitates customized leadership programs, including programs that support the advancement of women in the workplace. You can find more information at www.talentprinciples.com.