With serious changes underfoot in the political landscape it’s important not to forget how families as a whole can be affected. We forget how idealistic kids are and how much the current environment can affect them, here mental health expert Noel McDermott advises on how to help kids learn safely about civic and political engagement.
Understanding Recent Political Changes
The election has seen a very significant vote for change with a change in language in the government from looking for scapegoats to looking for inclusion and solutions. The new parliament is more reflective of society at large in terms of background and life experience allowing for a greater sense of belief in the legitimacy of power again. Accountability and legitimacy are key aspects of authority being held in a psychologically healthy manner. It models a ‘parent’ who holds healthy boundaries for the good of others. In psychological terms a healthy inner parent is the aspect of self functioning that makes the difficult decisions for the greater good, the aspect of self that says it’s time to go to bed because tomorrow has challenges, it promotes stability and predictability and accountability. This enhances safety and we see in this new government these themes being promoted. They are the adults/parents in the room, making hard decisions for the greater good. So how do we help our kids understand these changes?
Achieving Stability for the Nation
It’s a truism to say that a unique feature of Roman society that a citizen could travel from one end of the empire to the other without fear of being attacked, and whilst crime happened it is generally true that Roman society was a vast improvement in terms of safety of citizens than pre-roman times. Rome brought about what we now think of as civil society with laws, magistrates, policing etc and these civil society structures have vastly improved life for people, creating the conditions for personal and social growth. Simply put, the larger our safe herd/pack is the more we have the potential to grow and develop personally. We develop from places of safety to the ability to explore. All economies try to achieve stability as the basis for growth.
Finding Safety in the Herd
As social animals we are rewarded when we engage in prosocial herd behaviours. We are primed to invest in social groups as this is our most successful survival strategy. When the pandemic hit a few years ago rather than society breaking down, we all instinctively found ourselves reaching out to each other more. We made sure our elderly or ill neighbours had food, we called friends we had lost contact with to ensure they were healthy. Ensuring others were safe made us feel safe and this is built into us from birth because we are born dependent on others to have our needs met. We grow from dependence into interdependence and when we work to strengthen this interdependence we feel safer and more confident.
Mental health expert Noel McDermott comments:
“Our kids in particular need this sense of safety in their relationships, as they remain more dependent rather than interdependent. This gets expressed in their engagement with right and wrong (safe or not safe) in their groups and more broadly in the world. Kids will feel personally at risk when witnessing family, friends etc in danger but will also transfer this onto news events such as Gaza, elections, trans issues, racial injustice, environmental issues and so on. Helping our kids feel safe in this context and express their views and contribute positively to improvements in civil society are an essential aspect of their growth and development”.
Research has consistently shown that people who feel empowered in their lives have better health outcomes across a broad range of metrics. Also helping out kids engage in civil society reduces the risk of them becoming radicalised. Additionally, as has been said above, helping others makes us feel good about ourselves.
So what can we do to help our kids safely learn about civic and political engagement?
- Discuss world issues with your kids as a family. The aim is not to control their views and thinking but teach core skills around developing their ideas, communicating them assertively and engaging in respectful dialogues with those that have differing views. You don’t have the option of stopping your kids from knowing about issues as they have access to the internet, but you have the option of helping them navigate safely
- With your girls teach them about the risks they face from issues around male violence, with your boys teach them about respect and consent
- Encourage support for the underdog and for the outcast - society is measured by how it treats its outcast. Learning that we can all fall on hard times or make poor choices allows our kids to develop empathy and compassion, skills they will need if they ever fall on hard times themselves. It will lead to a reduction in shame and a willingness to ask for help
- Volunteer to help others - get your kids involved in helping others less fortunate, from harvest festival donations to doing the shopping for elderly neighbours
- Encourage them to join debating groups or societies at school or college etc - winning or losing a debate with peers is less important than feeling one has represented oneself well
- Validate your kid’s feelings whilst providing reassurance. Recognise signs that your children are struggling such as interrupted sleep, problems with appetite, concentration issues and anxious responses
Becoming agents of change
Depression and anxiety could be thought of as the psychological expressions of solipsism, or disconnection from the greater social self. We have been going through a significant period of feeling like the world is not safe or friendly and feeling alienated for the power to affect change. Becoming reconnected with positive social change is evidenced to support our psychological health and wellbeing and has tremendous benefits for our kids as they learn they are not victims of change but agents of change.
Mental health expert Noel McDermott is a psychotherapist and dramatherapist with over 30 years’ work within the health, social care, education, and criminal justice fields. His company Mental Health Works provides unique mental health services for the public and other organisations. Mental Health Works offers in situ health care and will source, identify and coordinate personalised teams to meet your needs – https://www.mentalhealthworks.
For further information or for press enquiries please contact Natalie Clarke on 07796675950 or email natalie.clarke@beabeargroup.
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