The Turquoise Butterfly is available on the Mascot website for the holidays and on all online retailers for pre-order. The book publishes in early January.
In the book, Grandma Sylvia is an enchanting figure who embodies the spirit of a vibrant butterfly. She’s warm and welcoming, fearless, and curious about everything. Her granddaughter, Victoria, often finds her belly fluttering when faced with new things and uncertainty.
I had a chance to interview author Dr. Dale Atkins, to learn more.
What was the inspiration behind the book?
I was inspired by my late mother, Sylvia Atkins--a caring and devoted mother, grandmother and great-grandmother, who created deep, loving bonds with each of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
She also cherished friendships across generations enriching the lives of those around her just as they enriched hers.
Since I became a grandmother 21 years ago, I discovered countless ways to connect with each of my 6 grandchildren by tuning into their personalities, interests, and the "season of life" they were navigating. A couple of them were a bit anxious
about participating in activities. Whenever any of my grandchildren hesitated to try something new, I felt called to understand their worries and to help them through gently, in ways that honored who they were rather than what I might have expected.
One of my granddaughters used to feel quite distressed when separated from her parents. Over time, however, she and I created a tradition of carving out one special week each year for our own adventure. We would climb into the car and set off on the road—but only after planning every detail together. She liked to know what to expect; without a clear plan, she would get "butterflies in her tummy." So we would sit side by side, choosing hotels, looking at restaurants, and deciding which parks we would explore. Knowing the plan helped her feel grounded and far less anxious, and it became a comforting ritual that connected us more deeply. Over time the precision of our planning began to loosen, and we found ourselves able to include a bit more spontaneity in our adventures, As she grew more comfortable, a detour to explore-our itineraries made space for surprises—a new trail to wander, an unexpected ice cream stop, a detour to explore something intriguing along the way.
This gentle shift not only broadened our experiences but also gave her a growing sense of confidence, adaptability, and freedom, allowing her to trust herself and the world a little more with each passing year.
Why is the image of a butterfly so appropriate?
A butterfly begins life in one form, disappears into a sealed, private space, and emerges transformed — delicate, beautiful, and free. It teaches us that life itself is a journey of stages, and that transformation is not only possible, but inevitable.
The butterfly is fearless, is a symbol of eternal connection, transformation, and love that endures. The butterfly is a powerful contemporary symbol which touches on many themes: transformation, the soul, resilience, renewal, memory and the continuity of love. Just as a caterpillar enters a chrysalis and emerges transformed, many believe that the soul transitions, is eternal, is not bound to one physical form and continues to live on after the body is gone. The butterfly’s emergence is often seen as a gentle metaphor for what happens after death—the soul goes through a spiritual transformation and continues in a new way. This is particularly helpful for children who often need concrete images to understand abstract concepts such as death and the beyond. The butterfly also reminds us of rebirth, renewal and hope. Something exquisite can be resilient and can emerge from something that is closed off and hidden. The butterfly’s life cycle can offer a gently visual way to explain that death is a part of life and that love continues.Victoria experiences “butterflies in her belly” — a gentle metaphor for anxiety. Parents and grandparents can use this story to help children manage big feelings. A butterfly appearing unexpectedly can feel like a comforting sign that someone you love is still with you. When you see the butterfly, you remember that person and sadness can be assuaged. The butterfly serves as a reminder that Grandma Sylvia’s love endures and that there is always hope for the future.
Why is it important for families to foster multigenerational relationships?
There are multiple positive effects of intergenerational connections in the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual realms of older and younger people. When multigenerational relationships are fostered, there is are opportunities to pass wisdom, values, stories, and love from generation to generation. Love and legacy are passed forward, carried in the heart, and lived through action. By sharing in family rituals, customs and traditions, families preserve emotional connections as well as teaching what is important within the family. They help children develop empathy, patience, and a sense of identity because they learn who they are in the context of family lineage. They know who they are and where they come from.
How can families talk about grief with children?
Death is not disappearance. It is a transformation.
The relationship with the person who died continues in a new way.
A person dies but love never dies.
We accept a tender responsibility when we talk to children about death and we need to meet them where they are and go at their pace without overwhelming them.
Kids often have questions that are not simple, but we want to use developmentally appropriate, simple, concrete language when we engage with them. Rather than focusing on the “perfect explanation” or “right words”, we want to be clear. The most important thing to offer a child is our steady presence, comfort, and honesty.
As they grow, they will continue to process the death over time. Talking about death is not one or two conversations. It becomes a reference point over time.
Death is often overwhelming, confusing, and mystifying. I prefer when adults avoid euphemisms that can confuse and sometimes, frighten children. Most children interpret things literally so when we say “we lost grandpa” or “grandma went to sleep” it can be puzzling.
Straightforward, compassionate words are often enough. We need to leave space for kids to process what is said and ask questions if they have them (and because they do not ask does not mean they do not have them). Some examples can be: “When somebody dies, their body stops working. They stop breathing and they do not think or feel anything anymore.” “We won’t see them anymore. We will miss them and not having them to hug and laugh with makes us sad.” We will remember them and the things we did, the places we went, and we will talk about them to keep their memory with us.”
Children will repeat what they heard from an adult as a way to process what happened. They need reassurance and they need to know they have permission to feel whatever they feel (sad, angry, afraid, numb). Some kids will cry and others won’t. Let them know that whatever they feel is okay and that everyone grieves differently.
For some kids, writing, playing music, planting a garden, creating a craft, a memory book, or organizing photos of the person, is part of their grief process and offering them opportunities to do these things can be helpful.
About the Author
Dale Atkins is a licensed psychologist, educator, storyteller and nature enthusiast with more than forty years of experience as a relationship expert focusing on families, wellness, managing stress, and living a balanced, meaningful life. Author of eight books and many chapters, articles, and journals for popular and professional audiences, Dale is a featured speaker who lectures and leads seminars worldwide. Dale has appeared regularly on NBC’s TODAY and CNN. Dale has a private psychology practice in New York City and has been a member of, and advisor to several nonprofit boards, including Jumpstart for Young Children. She holds a B.S. in Social Studies from NYU, a master’s degree in special education (Deafness) from Columbia University’s Teachers College, and a Ph.D. from UCLA in Educational Psychology. She and her husband have two children and six grandchildren and live in Connecticut. Drawing on her own experiences with family, memory the cycles of change, and research in child development, she wrote The Turquoise Butterfly to help children and families explore the complex emotions of anxiety, grief and transformation in a hopeful, accessible way. Her work reflects a deep belief in the healing power of stories and the importance of honoring intergenerational bonds.
About the Author
Dale Atkins is a licensed psychologist, educator, storyteller and nature enthusiast with more than forty years of experience as a relationship expert focusing on families, wellness, managing stress, and living a balanced, meaningful life. Author of eight books and many chapters, articles, and journals for popular and professional audiences, Dale is a featured speaker who lectures and leads seminars worldwide. Dale has appeared regularly on NBC’s TODAY and CNN. Dale has a private psychology practice in New York City and has been a member of, and advisor to several nonprofit boards, including Jumpstart for Young Children. She holds a B.S. in Social Studies from NYU, a master’s degree in special education (Deafness) from Columbia University’s Teachers College, and a Ph.D. from UCLA in Educational Psychology. She and her husband have two children and six grandchildren and live in Connecticut. Drawing on her own experiences with family, memory the cycles of change, and research in child development, she wrote The Turquoise Butterfly to help children and families explore the complex emotions of anxiety, grief and transformation in a hopeful, accessible way. Her work reflects a deep belief in the healing power of stories and the importance of honoring intergenerational bonds.
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