1. What was the inspiration behind
the creation of BabySleepSite.com?
I’m so glad you asked! The inspiration behind
The Baby Sleep Site® is deeply personal, actually. When my first son
(who’s now 8) was born, I knew a few basics about baby sleep, but that was it.
I really just thought that his sleep would sort itself out eventually, and that
his dad and I would ‘figure it out’ as we went along.
Well, that didn’t exactly happen! My son was a
difficult sleeper from day one - he woke constantly at night, and his naps were
always erratic and short. I would spend hours, literally, rocking him to sleep,
only to have him wake a few minutes after I’d finally put him down to sleep. It
was so frustrating! During that time, I tried everything I could to help him
sleep, including co-sleeping (which didn’t prove to be a perfect solution for
us.)
Finally, I was so exhausted, I decided I had to
make some changes. So I started reading everything I could on baby sleep, and
doing my own research. I learned a lot, but much of it contradicted each other,
but I was able to create my own sleep coaching plan for my son, apply it, and
feel good about it. I’m happy to report that it worked! My son started taking
longer naps and sleeping much better at night. Was it perfect? No. He has just
never been a perfect sleeper, but it was 10x better!
Over time, friends and acquaintances started
asking for my advice in helping their babies sleep better. I was able to help
them - and it felt great! Eventually, I answered questions on an online message
board for parents who were struggling with baby sleep; over time, that
blossomed into The Baby Sleep Site®.
The site has grown tremendously in the past 5
years -- today, we offer 4 free guides, 5 e-Books, 9 unique sleep consultation
packages, over 200 blog articles, and a variety of tele-seminars. We’ve come a
long way since my own sleepless days as a new mom, that’s for sure!
2. What is the most common baby
sleep question you get?
I’d say the question I hear most often is “Why
won’t my baby sleep through the night?” Usually, the parents asking the
question have a baby who is old enough to sleep through the night, who is old
enough to need just one (or maybe no) night feedings, but who is still waking
multiple times each night. This is so, so common, yet most parents have no idea
why their babies continue to wake so often. What’s more, they have no idea what
to do about it.
The truth is, nighttime waking can be complex.
In the newborn stage, babies usually wake out of a need to eat (since they need
to eat pretty much around the clock!). But once a baby is past the newborn
stage (about 4 months or so), they should be able to feed (and be awake) more
during the day, and feed less (and sleep more) at night.
Of course the operative word there is should!
Almost all babies are capable of doing this, but while some babies will do this
naturally, without any help from their parents, plenty of other babies will
not. Those babies may continue to wake frequently at night, due to something
called sleep associations.
Sleep associations are essentially habits
surrounding falling asleep. If you think about it, it makes sense: we spend
weeks (even months) rocking and feeding our babies to sleep when they are
infants, so it’s understandable that, as they get older, they come to bed
dependent on being rocked or fed to sleep.
Here’s the problem, though -- all of us (babies
and adults alike) cycle in and out of deep sleep at night. And between sleep
cycles, we sometimes wake briefly. Think about your own nights of sleep -- do
you sometimes wake for a moment or two, to turn over or to readjust your
pillow? Well, your baby does the same. Only a baby who has sleep associations
doesn’t know how to go back to sleep by herself, once she’s awake -- in her
mind, she needs mom or dad there, to rock or feed her back to sleep..
This is the reason why babies (and even
toddlers!) continue to wake multiple times per night, even though they don’t
really need to. They wake between
sleep cycles, and when they wake, they cry for you to come and help them fall
back to sleep. The key, then, is to help our babies learn how to fall back to
sleep on their own, without help from us. That’s the goal of sleep coaching,
and it’s one of the main things my sleep consultants and I focus on when we
work with families.
3. How does baby's sleep relate to
other aspects of family life?
Great
question! Sleep problems obviously affect the baby who has them -- any parent
who’s had a sleepless baby at home can verify that! Babies who regularly don’t
get enough sleep may be crankier and fussier than babies who are well-rested,
and having a chronically fussy baby at home can really disrupt family life.
But I think many people don’t stop to consider
how their baby’s lack of sleep is affecting everyone else in the home, too. For
one thing, a sleepless baby almost always equals sleepless parents. And
sleep-deprived moms and dads tend to be miserable, in my experience! When mom
or dad is sleep-deprived, their performance at work may suffer. They may not be
able to enjoy or focus on their older children. They may find the daily,
routine tasks of life (cooking, cleaning, errand-running, etc.) overwhelming.
All of this can add up to equal bigger mental-health problems, like depression.
Of course, this has a kind of trickle-down
effect, in families that have older children. The baby is exhausted, and
therefore cranky, which means that mom and dad are exhausted, and therefore
cranky. This usually ends up meaning that the older kids suffer, too -- because
they’re surrounded by cranky, overly-tired family members!
I’ve also found, in working with families, that
chronic sleep-deprivation can take a serious toll on a couple’s relationship.
When we’re exhausted, we tend to be more irritable anyway, so when mom and dad
are both exhausted all the time, their interactions with each other aren’t
always very loving! And parents who are chronically exhausted usually don’t
have time to prioritize intimacy (both sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy).
4. Did/do your babies sleep well?
Well, as I mentioned, my oldest son was a
challenging sleeper right from the start. My second son slept better, but his
sleep still wasn’t perfect, and we had to do some sleep coaching with him, too
(once has was old enough for it). So neither of my boys was a “perfect”
sleeper, right from birth.
Now that they’re older, their sleep problems are
(mostly!) a thing of the past. However, I will say that my oldest son still
tends to wake at night sometimes (although now, it’s due to things like
nightmares, or being anxious about something). I think this has a lot to do
with his temperament. My oldest son is fairly intense; he’s also always been a
bit unpredictable, in terms of his schedule. Looking back, I can see now how
that impacted his sleep as a baby. I truly think that some of his sleep
problems were due to his personality -- and now that he’s older, I can see how
his personality continues to impact how he sleeps (he still says “sleep is
boring!”).
That’s why, in my work with families, I always
make sure to ask lots of questions about personality and temperament. I don’t
believe in one-size-fits-all solutions to baby sleep, simply because no two
babies are alike! So it’s key to take a baby’s unique temperament and
disposition into account when creating a sleep coaching plan. What works for a
relaxed, laid-back, predictable baby probably won’t work for a baby who’s
intense, unpredictable, and resistant to change. By accounting for a baby’s
disposition and temperament, my sleep coaches and I are respecting the fact
that the baby is a unique person, and recognizing that he or she is not a
little ‘robot’ that can simply be programmed to sleep better!
However, I’d also point out that even babies who
have temperaments that make them less inclined to sleep well can
learn to sleep through the night and take long, restorative naps. For these
babies, it just takes some extra work and coaching on the part of the parent.
Babies who have dispositions like my oldest son’s probably won’t just naturally
figure out a perfect daytime schedule, or start sleeping through the night on
their own, but they can do both of
these things with some help from mom and dad!
The Baby Sleep Site® (http://www.babysleepsite.com) specializes in
baby sleep products and consulting services. The company was founded by Nicole
Johnson, sleep coach, wife, and the mother of two boys. With a B.A. degree from
UC Berkeley and an MBA from Ohio State University, Nicole also received an
honorary degree in “Surviving Sleep Deprivation,” thanks to her son’s “no
sleep” curriculum. She became an expert on infant and toddler sleep and made it
her mission to help other parents solve their child’s sleep problems, too. All
sleep consultants, aside from Nicole, are carefully chosen with their diverse
backgrounds in mind. They go through extensive training to learn the strategies
and philosophies of The Baby Sleep Site in order to provide you with a
knowledgeable, thoughtful, supportive, and consistent experience no matter
where you are in your journey to better sleep.
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