HOW DOES BECOMING A MOM CHANGE A WOMAN'S LIFE?
Haha! The real question is how does it not? I can't think of one single part of your life that isn't impacted by motherhood—from small things like what shoes to wear today and what music to play in the car, to giant things like your career goals and your relationship with your own mother. There is no decision big or small you'll make that isn't influenced in some way by the joyous obligation of knowing there's a little person in this world who depends on you. There's a reason they call daily motherhood a juggle, because there are so many balls in the air all the time. You might only be able to hold two of those balls in your hands at the same time, but the others are still there in the air, just waiting to be caught. That can be daunting at first, to be in charge of so much, especially on so little sleep. But it's important to realize that every stage is really just that: a developmental stage, a finite bit of time to get through...and maybe even enjoy! The trimesters don't end after you give birth. Every season, every few months, brings a new opportunity to grow.
HOW CAN WOMEN CHANNEL THEIR INNER BOSS TO MAKE SURE THEY STAY ON TOP OF THINGS WITH A NEW BABY?
The term "boss" is really exactly right, because whether you're working outside of the home, or part time, or are on maternity leave, or home with the baby full time, you really are a Boss Mom. October 16 is National Boss Day. I love the idea that Total Wireless came up with that it's Boss Moms Day too. That baby is the most demanding client you'll ever have! And yet also they are most worthy, of course. So think of yourself as a boss. Some ways to do that:
1) Set up systems. A boss relies on systems so that they don't have to waste time making the same decisions over and over again. For instance, set up regular deliveries of the household goods you use the most: diapers, paper towels, whatever. Invest the time getting it right once, and you'll get that time back to do more meaningful tasks. At the pediatrician, go ahead and schedule all of your well-baby visits for the next year so you can get them on your calendar. You can always change them if need be. And for things you use every day like your phone, synch your photos to the cloud, and get on an easy calling plan. I love that Total Wireless has this whole campaign set up around Boss Moms for National Boss Day—they get the juggle. And they make this one crucial bit of it easy by offering a family calling plan that's for four people, $25 per line with 25GB of shared data.
2) Delegate! What good boss doesn't delegate well, right? If you have childcare set up for your baby, figure out what tasks that person can do that help keep you sane—and make you a better mother. If you have a nanny, ask her to do the laundry too. If your baby is in daycare, let them handle the potty training and the transitioning from two naps to one. Why not? Do the tasks that bring you joy and satisfaction, and be open to outsourcing the things that don't to whatever degree you can afford it.
3) Give yourself great benefits. If you were applying for a job, you would pay attention to things like the company culture and your vacation days and health care plan, right? Same goes with the job of motherhood. It may be hard to save up time (and energy) for a vacation, but put one on the calendar, even if it's months away. And treat your own health and self care like they are mandatory, not just a perk. You must be physically and emotionally healthy to be your best for your child.
WHAT ARE SOME TIPS FOR A MOM WHO ALSO WORKS OUTSIDE OF THE HOME?
So, first tip: Read my book, The Fifth Trimester: The Working Mom's Guide to Style, Sanity, and Big Success After Baby. I'm kidding, but only kind of, because whenever I don't have a personally perfect answer to something, one of the hundreds of working moms I interviewed does. Here are just three of the tips that came up that I find myself relying on even now that my boys (ages 6 and 9) are out of the baby phase:
1) Make a mini closet within your closet: To simplify your morning and keep your closet from torturing you and starting your day off negatively, make a happy little corner of it in which everything fits and is appropriate for your job. Right after a baby, that may only be six things. That's fine. At least you can see what other core pieces you need (a pair of black pants that fit), and shop strategically when you're in between sizes. Then as things start to fit again or become seasonal, you can add to that mini closet.
2) Enlist your partner as a true partner: Even in the most progressive, well-meaning couples, some challenging habits can get set up if mom takes a longer parental leave than dad does (which is so common). While you're home on leave, you become a real Boss Mom and a master of all of these home/baby tasks. Then you go back to work and you and your husband are both getting home at the end of the day...only you're the only one who knows how to do all of the baby care. That's no good. Encourage your partner to take as much leave as possible. And barring that, see if he can take what's called intermittent leave so that he has some days at home right when you go back to work. It'll give you the peace of mind of knowing that your baby is in good hands, and he will learn a LOT on the job that will pay off in your Fifth Trimester and beyond.
3) Negotiate well: If you want to ask for some kind of change at work, like flex time, go in to those conversations with a plan, not just a request. You want to be able to prove that this can work. And don't think of what you're asking for as an accommodation. You're asking for something that's mutually beneficial...so figure out: How is this request good for the company too? I promise there's a valid answer to this question, even if it's just that you'll be helping to improve the company's culture for new parents, which directly impacts retention, recruitment, and profitability.
HOW ABOUT FOR MOMS WHO DON'T WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME?
First and foremost, remember that what you do IS work. It's just unpaid work. It's really important to acknowledge that being home with a baby and doing all of those tasks really is a form of labor. So many moms who have husbands/partners who work outside of the home feel like they have to take on all of the home stuff, all of the child care, but you have to have time to take care of yourself too—and that requires handing some things off to your partner to do. Which, by the way, will benefit his relationship with your kid forever...and help shape your child's vision of what a partnership is supposed to look like. I interviewed a sleep expert recently who made a huge point of telling me about how lots of moms she talks to who are home with their babies (or on maternity leave) feel like they must do all of the night wakings and let their partner sleep all night "because he's got to work the next morning." Well, every couple has its own balance, but as much as you can share that particular burden, she says it's vital that you do. The work you're doing the next day keeping a little human baby ALIVE counts...and is probably more challenging than whatever your partner's up to at work. And you have to be rested enough to do it well and keep your baby safe. One way to help legitimize this labor for yourself—for your own mindset—is to have a home office set up, even if it's just a corner of the kitchen counter. Make your space organized and happy, and make your tech stuff work for you. Set up your phone and photos and Amazon orders in a way that works for your house—because you really are the Boss Mom.
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