9 Tips For Coping With Mass Shootings and Terror Attacks: Advice for Mothers
Noted New York psychologist says facing fears and anger is critical to prevent the horrific disruption of daily life and relationships
New York, NY, November 6, 2017 ― In the wake of the latest terrorizing mass shooting inside a Texas church, on the heels of the terror attack in New York City on October 31 called the “deadliest in the city since 9/11,” internationally known psychologist Dr. Judy Kuriansky offers advice to the public to cope.
Kuriansky, a psychology professor at Columbia University Teachers College, is well- known as “Dr. Judy” for her decades of advice-giving on radio and TV and in newspapers and magazines. Kuriansky has provided mental health support after the mass shooting at the Sandy Hook Elementary school in December 2012 and after the 9/11 terror attacks for first responders at the “pit” and also for families at the Family Assistance Center.
“This attacks on people innocently going about their normal lives, in church, or on a lovely afternoon on city streets, are added shocks on the heels of the tragic Las Vegas massacre of concertgoers, requiring that emotions must be addressed about daily dangers,” says Kuriansky. “Mothers can be particularly worried about their children given that several children were killed in attacks or injured in a school bus.”
She adds that advice about coping is essential, given that events like these have become increasingly common. Kuriansky has provided psychosocial support after mass shootings, like the Sandy Hook Elementary School in 2012, and after terrorist attacks in the Middle East after terror attacks, documented in her book, Beyond Bullets and Bombs: Grassroots Peacebuilding between Israelis and Palestinians.
“Research shows the long-term effects of such traumas, emphasizing the urgency for psychological help in the immediate aftermath,” Kuriansky adds.
Dr. Judy advises:
• Pay particular attention to children. Since youngsters were murdered in the church shooting, and children in NYC were injured on a school bus, parents' fears for children's safety are aroused. Since children can be exposed to news about such attacks through social media or from schoolmates, prevent them from spreading myths and fears by talking to them about the events. Ask them, “What did you hear about this terrible event?” to find out first what they know. Reassure them that they can be safe. Be sure to add, “Please talk to me if you have any questions or worries.” Child developmental psychology indicates this is the time to give extra comfort and pay particular attention to any changes in their behavior.
• Pay particular attention to children. Since youngsters were murdered in the church shooting, and children in NYC were injured on a school bus, parents' fears for children's safety are aroused. Since children can be exposed to news about such attacks through social media or from schoolmates, prevent them from spreading myths and fears by talking to them about the events. Ask them, “What did you hear about this terrible event?” to find out first what they know. Reassure them that they can be safe. Be sure to add, “Please talk to me if you have any questions or worries.” Child developmental psychology indicates this is the time to give extra comfort and pay particular attention to any changes in their behavior.
• Talk about fears. These are escalated now, since mass shootings target innocent people, and since “new” weapons of terrorists are common items like knives and vehicles rather than guns or suicide vests, and new targets are “soft” rather than high profile American symbols like the Twin Towers or the Capitol. Best practices in psychology recommend to feel the fear and adjust to a “new normal” to prevent fears from leading to phobias about daily activities. Don’t obsess about thoughts that these attacks could happen to you.
• Direct anger where it belongs. Get mad at mass shooters or terrorists to avoid the typical psychological tendency to project aggression at people at home or work. Partners should especially share reactions and accept any differences in their ways of coping to prevent arguments. Mothers should be careful about projecting angry at children if they do annoying things, like not clean up after themselves or not finish homework.
• Direct anger where it belongs. Get mad at mass shooters or terrorists to avoid the typical psychological tendency to project aggression at people at home or work. Partners should especially share reactions and accept any differences in their ways of coping to prevent arguments. Mothers should be careful about projecting angry at children if they do annoying things, like not clean up after themselves or not finish homework.
• Uncover associations to your past. Publicized victimizations can trigger repressed memories of times you were a victim or mistreated, even decades ago, as outlined in a report in the American Psychologist. Process old experiences and separate them from the present.
• Notice prejudices and xenophobia. These can be triggered by specifics of the perpetrator's profile, whether it be the Texas shooter havign been dishonorably discharged from the armed forces, or the NYC terrorist being identified as a religious extremist, shouting, "God is Great" in Arabic. Be kind to Muslims and whoever the “other” is to you.
• Accept reality. There is no absolute safety or perfect protection for you and your children. Indeed, churchgoing and afternoon strolls should be safe. But, as teens who watched the NYC terrorist from their Stuyvesant High School windows said, “We’ve lost our innocence.” Officials wisely advise, “Be vigilant” and, “If you see something, say something.” Measurement of the psychological principle of “locus of control” shows that even people who feel “captain of their fate” may accept that destiny plays a role; after all, you can simply be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Take breaks from being “on guard” to reduce stress. Also, trust authorities; they have averted some threats.
• Notice prejudices and xenophobia. These can be triggered by specifics of the perpetrator's profile, whether it be the Texas shooter havign been dishonorably discharged from the armed forces, or the NYC terrorist being identified as a religious extremist, shouting, "God is Great" in Arabic. Be kind to Muslims and whoever the “other” is to you.
• Accept reality. There is no absolute safety or perfect protection for you and your children. Indeed, churchgoing and afternoon strolls should be safe. But, as teens who watched the NYC terrorist from their Stuyvesant High School windows said, “We’ve lost our innocence.” Officials wisely advise, “Be vigilant” and, “If you see something, say something.” Measurement of the psychological principle of “locus of control” shows that even people who feel “captain of their fate” may accept that destiny plays a role; after all, you can simply be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Take breaks from being “on guard” to reduce stress. Also, trust authorities; they have averted some threats.
• Learn about mass shooters, terrorists and terrorism. Be prepared to answer your child’s questions about such evil people. Knowledge reduces fear. Such individuals are different types with varied motivations. Don't generalize that all are mentally disturbed, that leads to stigma against mental illness. Psychopathy and narcissism are common dynamics. With regard to terrorism, educate yourself about the ideology of radical extremism, foreign fighters, “lone wolves” and abusive use of the internet. These aspects are outlined in the newly released book, A New Counter-Terrorism Strategy: Why the World Failed to Stop Al-Qaeda And ISIL/ISIS And How To Defeat Terrorists Now (ABC-CLIO, 2017) by former Ambassador of Iraq to the UN, Hamid Al-Bayati. Older methods of terrorism used WMDs – weapons of mass destruction – but newer tactics use “Weapons of Mass Psychological Destruction” that aim to erode our emotions, as explained by psychologist Dr. Larry James in his book with that title.
• Get active. Action reduces anxiety and increases a sense of control. Encourage schools to educate youth about such events, perpetrators, and violence, and to hold memorials when appropriate. Put pressure on congressional leaders to prioritize public safety, and on social media companies to prevent abuse of technology that encourages violence. Participate in a local media campaign.
• Reexamine your philosophy of life. It’s normal to have an existential crisis about the purpose of life, but don’t lose faith. Violent perpetrators don’t win when you get on with your life, going to church, and as New Yorkers did celebrating Halloween and enjoying the city’s weekend marathon. Be resilient: when knocked down, get back up. Violence is tragic but not a reason to give up on life, hope and believing in others.
Dr. Judy Kuriansky and/or Ambassador Hamid Al-Bayati are available for interviews. Contact her at DrJudyK@aol.com. See her website at DrJudy.com. Ambassador Al-Bayati is an expert on terrorism; he endured imprisonment, torture and assassination attempts in leading the opposition to Saddam Hussein and had a front-row seat to counter-terrorism negotiations. Also, a healing song that celebrates heroes, written after 9/11 is available here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY2FenYv8vg.
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