Nearly 50% of children will witness their parents' separation or divorce, yet there are still relatively few resources for parents who are embarking on the difficult challenges of co-parenting.
Certified Life Coach and co-parenting expert Karen Kristjanson brings thirty years of experience and her own personal journey to her first book, CO-PARENTING FROM THE INSIDE OUT: Voices of Moms and Dads. This inspirational and practical new book provide parents with a deep, reassuring sense that they aren’t alone, no matter how lonely they may feel at times. Parents in diverse situations will find themselves in these pages, as the stories include moms and dads in highly conflicted and highly collaborative situations, straight parents, lesbian mothers, parents who grew significantly in themselves and those who remained stuck, alienated parents, families with special needs children, and more.
To learn more, here's an excerpt from the book.
Health, Many Ways to Share - Excerpt
Excerpted from Co-Parenting From the Inside Out: Stories Voices of Moms and Dads by Karen L. Kristjanson © 2017. All rights reserved. Published throughout North America by Dundurn Press.
When thirty-year-old Gloria and her husband, Fred, split three years before her interview with me, Gloria wanted to co-parent two-year-old Janey. Right after the separation, Gloria had to almost persuade Fred to spend time with Janey; he hadn’t wanted to be a dad and wasn’t sure he was cut out to be an involved father post-divorce. With differing expectations, the parents took years to find their way. Gloria, a computer technician, impressed me with her sturdy tone: “I don’t regret what happened; there’s been so much growth. It wasn’t the wrong path, just a difficult path.”
Gloria liked the idea of co-parenting, because she didn’t want to be a single mom and she wanted Janey to grow up knowing her father. Her initial fears about Fred’s low involvement faded as Fred’s new girlfriend, Anya, seemed to help Fred warm up to fatherhood. “Fred and I weren’t good together, but he was a different person with Anya. She was good with Janey, and they seemed to be doing fine.” After a few months, Gloria got everyone together to work on the best schedule for Janey. They decided to go week-on/week-off, with no child support.
Although they agreed on timing, it soon became clear that Gloria and Fred saw co-parenting differently. “My ex felt that his parenting was none of my business. He’d say ‘She’s at my house, my rules, my diet. When she’s at your house, your rules, your diet.’ I would say, ‘but she’s one person!’” Gloria agonized over the differences, anxious and frustrated that Fred wouldn’t align his parenting with hers.
This conflict led to intense strain for Gloria during the weeks she didn’t have Janey. “For months I would cry and freak out once she had gone with her dad – I felt unsure of who would be caring for her, whose car she would be riding in, what she was eating. It was really tough.” Gloria sank into a depression for weeks and once tried to take her own life.
Tension between them led Fred to take Gloria to court. There she got the message that she needed to back off. “We got a parenting plan. I ended up letting go for a while, trying to die with it. Sometimes my rage would come out by phone or emails at him, but never in front of our daughter. I learned, slowly, to let go.”
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