Children are not in a bubble, and it's not helpful for parents to pretend this cruelty and terror isn't going on around us. Don't pretend it doesn't exist - ask them what they think, help them understand their feelings, and teach the importance of tolerance and respect for those who don't share their same feelings. During a time where it may be difficult to feel safe in public, it is even more crucial that our kids have a safe place to share their thoughts.
I had a chance to interview The Windy City Nanny to learn more.
What are some key guidelines for talking about terrorism with kids in different age groups?
Remember when "stranger danger" was the topic of conversation? Well, to say things have progressed to a different level of danger is an understatement. Just recently I heard a young girl say: I don't want to go see that movie in the theatre, Mommy. It's not safe." While we like to hope that children are shielded from the harsh terrors of the world, they are aware of more than we give them credit.
First Rule: "DON'T be afraid to talk about being afraid." Fear is a natural emotion, and you don't want to reach your kids to NOT be fearful - fear is an instinct that can be positive (i.e. stranger danger). Let your children know that they can come and talk to you about their fears; and that you will never judge them. Let them communicate WHAT scares them; WHY it scares them; and then, that's where you come in - the parent ... teach them HOW to help them cope with those feelings.
Second Rule: "You don't need to know the answer to give them an answer." Every parent wishes they knew exactly the right thing to say in every moment of active parenting. But, alas, perfection in parenting will never be attained. And understanding that IS what makes YOU the perfect parent. Depending on their age range, offer more or less information about the terrorism act at hand. For example, youngsters don't need to know the details - they just need to be soothed. Teenagers, on the other hand, need to learn to form opinions of their own on current events. Let them express their knowledge of the subject, and you can help fill in the gaps. The best thing you can teach teenagers or young adults is that in order to have an opinion, they need to be educated on the subject. Don't make them fearful of the world, or of certain race/religious groups. But, EDUCATE them. Try to explain the healthy and unhealthy ways to express anger - use the terrorism act (i.e. Las Vegas) as an example of unhealthy rage and expression.
How can parents help minimize their own fear to keep their kids' concerns in check?
Third Rule: "You are a role model at all times, but more importantly, when you're not looking." It's absolutely customary for you and your spouse to talk about current events together. However, when the subject matter is sensitive, you might consider keeping your comments out of earshot of your children. You must be prepared to edit your comments for a child; and in the heat of the moment, you won't be able to do that. Your fears are certainly rational! But, remember, you're Mommy and Daddy - you protect; you kiss the boo-boo's, you make the world a more beautiful and safe place. Get your fears and frustrations with someone else. Keep your kids as innocent and unscathed as you can, for as long as you can. They deserve it. After all, they are just kids - let them be kids for the glimmer of time they get that privilege.
Florence Ann Romano, The Windy City Nanny™ (www.WindyCityNanny.com), is a dedicated philanthropist and former nanny who has always had a special place in her heart for children. Romano worked for over 15 years as a nanny, beginning as a 'Mommy's helper' at the age of 11. She shares her experiences in Nanny and Me, her beautifully illustrated debut book for children making the transition from being cared for solely by their parents to having a nanny in their home.
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