Parenting Pointers: You have the life you’re willing to put up with

By Gary John Bishop

Think about it. What are the problems, those heinous, dark shadows currently spoiling the warmth and happiness of your otherwise blissful life? Do you hate your job? Are you in a bad relationship? Is there something wrong with your health? Fine, get a new job. End the relationship. Change your diet and exercise or locate the kind of help you need. Seems simple doesn’t it? Even the things you seemingly had no say in, like the death of a loved one or losing your business, you have a MASSIVE say in the ways you live your life in the aftermath of those events.

If you’re not willing to take the actions to change your situation – in other words, if you’re willing to put up with your situation – then whether you like it or not, that is the life you have chosen.

Before you think “but...” or start to get your knickers in a twist…let me say one more thing: By defending your circumstances as they are right now, you are actually making a case for being where you are. Give it up. No buts. You can’t afford them. They’re excess baggage on a trip that requires you to travel light.

“Circumstances don’t make the man; they only reveal him to himself.” -- Epictetus

As Epictetus points to, the true measure of who you are won’t be found in your circumstances but rather the way in which you respond to them. To start this new process, you must first stop another one.

Stop blaming luck.

Stop blaming other people.

Stop pointing to outside influences or circumstances.

Stop blaming your childhood or neighborhood.

This approach is fundamental to everything that I teach clients. You cannot, I repeat CANNOT dwell in any blame game in your life. Even blaming yourself is completely useless. Of course you’ll face situations that you seemingly can’t control. You may even face tragic circumstances, like disability, disease, or the death of a loved one.

But there is always something you can do to impact those circumstances even if you’ve had them for years and still can’t see a way. But first, you must be willing. To fully embrace this approach, you must first accept that while there are things have happened in your life that you had no say in, you are 100% responsible for what you do with your life in the aftermath of those events. Always, every time, no excuses.

The dictionary describes willingness as – “The quality or state of being prepared: Readiness”.

In other words, willingness is a state in which we can engage with life and see a situation from a new perspective. It starts with you and ends with you. No one can make you willing, and you cannot move forward until you really are willing to make the next move.

When you are finally willing, you can literally experience that willingness, that innate freedom that courses through your veins and similarly when you are not, the kind of primordial stuck-ness that halts, and presses down on you like some invisible weight on your chest.

Believe me, I hear you, “I am willing but...”. Every time you add the “but” to the end of that statement, you turn yourself into the victim. In my many years as a coach and mentor, I have heard as many complex life situations as there are, from the darkest of pasts to the weight and gravity of the present or crippling fear of the future, I have heard them over and over and over again. You have to hear what I am saying in the way that it’s intended. I’m not saying these things to inflame you, well, maybe I am but the intention is to inflame you to your own potential, to realize your own greatness, not just to piss you off! Take the case, imagine for a moment, that willingness is missing in your life. Not some wispy, sheepish willingness but rather a bold willingness, the kind of willing state where you are ready for what’s next and ready to act on it. Willingness to change, willingness to let go, willingness to accept. Real, magical, inspired willingness.

Gary John Bishop is one of the leading Personal Development experts in the industry with a global reputation that has impacted tens of thousands of people worldwide. His "urban philosophy" approach represents a new wave of personal empowerment and life mastery that has caused miraculous results for people in the quality and performance of their lives. Bishop calls it like it is while being influenced by ontology, phenomenology and the philosophy of some of the world's greatest thinkers, with his writing considered a higher level experience.

Learn more about Bishop at www.garyjohnbishop.com and connect with him on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

A five-time author, his newest book, Unfu*k Yourself, is now available on Amazon, B & N, and other fine booksellers.