Parenting Pointers: Teenagers are hard, but not impossible

It happens so suddenly. Your child turns from a sweet, loving person who can’t wait to see you into a sullen, moody, judgmental monster who doesn’t want anyone to know that you exist. With four girls, I’ve had my share of teenage angst thrown my way. I’ve been asked by one not to tell anyone that I am her mother, and my breathing was causing another to wince with every breath.  I’m not sure if it was just too loud, or maybe it was that I was breathing at all, but it was definitely the worst thing that could happen to her.

The teenage years are hard, but they are not impossible. As I work my way through this stage for the third and fourth times, I want to share with you a bit of what I have learned.

First, it may feel like it is all about you, but it actually has very little to do with you. As they mature, pre-teens and teens notice everything that makes them different. Everything is under scrutiny and many times the scrutiny is harsh and cold. Anything that stands out can draw attention and is cause for judgment. They most definitely don’t want to stand out.

Second, most of us react to our children becoming teenagers by going right back into our own teenage modes. Don’t. Their behaviors come from their insecurity, and they need someone who is confident and secure to help them to find faith in themselves.

Third, when you can’t take it anymore, list 10 things that are wonderful about your child. If you can’t think of any, ask someone else to list them for you. The person that others see is the person they will probably be. Try to see them that way.

Fourth, during this phase we have so many reasons that we must tell our children no. Find a reason to say yes, even if you have to stretch a little to make it happen. Find ways to do things that you can both enjoy together or give them a little of the freedom they desire. A little bit will go a long way for both you.

And finally, remember that this is a phase. You will do it well and you will fail miserably. So will they. Give yourself a moment, talk through it when you are calm, and start again fresh. You’ve got this.

Karen May is a national speaker, inspirational author, and spiritual director. Her engaging style and uncomplicated approach to faith inspires audiences to dive deeper into their understanding of Scripture and engage in a more personal relationship with Jesus.

 Her books Walking Through Holy Week and Be Not Afraid: Living with Faith in the Midst of a Fearful World bring prayer, Scripture, and faith to life in simple yet profound ways.