Book Nook: Confessions from Your Fat Friend

I recently had the chance to interview Paige Fieldsted, author of Confessions from Your Fat Friend, a body-positive memoir.

What has surprised you the most about the process of writing the book? 

What surprised me most about writing Confessions from Your Fat Friend is how incredibly difficult, yet healing it was. I had written two books prior to Confessions, and while I wouldn't call writing them easy, there were days I could sit down and write 2,000 - 3,000 words in about an hour. With this book that never happened, I would write 500 or 600 words at a time and there would be nothing left. It was emotionally exhausting for me to write, and I didn't even realize it until I was about halfway through and beating myself up for not working faster. But writing Confessions was also so healing for me. A lot of the stories and thoughts in this book are things I have never told another person, that I have kept bottled up for years and years. It felt good to let them out and in a way, finally put them behind me. 

How can people work on loving their own body, no matter what its size?  

Start with just acceptance. If you've hated your body for the majority of your life loving it is not going to be easy, and it's not going to be a light switch you can flip and just be done with it. Learning to love my body was a process and a journey, one I am still very much on. For me, it really helped to look at all the things my body has done for me and all the things it allows me to do. Our bodies truly are incredible and learning to be grateful for that really helped me start to love my body. Another thing I started to do was talking to myself like I would talk to my sister or best friend. I would never tell them how fat and ugly and worthless they are, so why would I say the same things to myself? Talk to yourself and treat yourself with love and the feelings will eventually come. Finally, take care of yourself from a place of love. A lot of times I hear people say self-love and body positivity are really just excuses to be fat and unhealthy, but that is so far from the truth. I take much better care of my body and want to be healthier when I appreciate my body. 

How can people make sure that they aren't discriminating - overtly or inadvertently - against people because of their size?

First of all, thank you so much for asking this. I don't think is a topic that gets discussed enough. Fatphobia and weight discrimination is not just an issue for people in large bodies to tackle but something all people of all sizes need to be a part of, because in reality, it impacts everybody. The first way someone can make sure they aren't discriminating based on size is to ask themselves "would I be doing or saying the same thing if this person wasn't fat?" If they didn't ask for diet/workout advice, don't offer it. Don't comment on what they are eating. Don't assume they are unhealthy or that you know anything about their bodies or their health just by looking at them. 

Other less obvious ways you can avoid discrimination are: 1. Be mindful of the ways you talk about your body and other people's bodies. If you are constantly praising people who have lost weight it sends the message that smaller bodies are better. Also, don't use words like fat to describe your feelings ie, "I feel so fat." Fat is a word that actually describes my body, it's not a feeling. 2. Listen to your friends/family about their experiences. Don't dismiss their stories and discrimination they have experienced at the hands of others as no big deal. 3. Ask questions. Ask your family/friends/influencers on social media how you can be an advocate for those who are being discriminated against. Ask them what their experiences are and then back to point 2, listen.

We are all humans and want to be treated with respect. 

About the book:
Through the sharing of deeply personal and life-changing moments, author and body-positivity advocate Paige Fieldsted provides a stunningly honest look at how society and the ones we love impact self-image. Not only does she dig deep into the experiences that have shaped who she is today, she proudly calls upon each person to take action and accountability for how people are treated and perceived.

Confessions from Your Fat Friend doesn’t pull any punches with its honest, funny, and sometimes painful revelations. Those who deal with fluctuating weight will identify with the struggle to conform. The curvy girls in each friend group will relate to the need to shop at specialty stores so they feel more confident in their skin. Most importantly, those who feel as if they don’t belong won’t feel so alone.