Marriage comes with the struggle of making life work—but with a promise of home, a place to rest, to be who we are in all our mess, to feel loved and accepted in the truth of who we are. Opening up our mess means adjusting to our anxieties, habits, and struggles.
In A House with Holes: One Marriage Journey in a Charleston Renovation, author and therapist, Denise Broadwater shares the challenges and successes of the restoration she and her craftsman-architect husband embraced after their purchase of a 1920s Charleston Cottage that was slated for destruction. Oddly enough, the project began to mirror the ups and downs of their empty-nester marital relationship.
We all know marriage can be tough. Marriage requires commitment and flexibility, allowing for each spouse to develop his and her own gifts, to work together through challenges, and to communicate in a way that draws the couple closer through any issues that arise. The same can practically be said for renovating a house—especially an old house.
Through this intriguing memoir describing the architectural style and details of their historic home on Congress Street in downtown Charleston, South Carolina, Denise shares her struggles and disappointments during the six-year upheaval. They lived with open holes in the floors and roof, wild critters, and in an old neighborhood that was unsure of their intentions. As her attitude changed with her living situation, Denise discovered her marriage rising to meet the challenges they faced and this struggling community opening to become a place of belonging.
“All marriages have holes—that’s a given,” Denise says. “The holes are places you disconnect: a container for selfishness, for disappointment, and for addictions as people try to find alternatives for unmet needs. Intimacy opens up the holes. Growing means making small movements toward each other, coming together to reduce friction.”
Principles and questions about marriage have been worked seamlessly into each chapter so that readers can “shore up” their own relationships and grow in understanding while vicariously watching the progress of the Charleston Cottage through the eyes of a seasoned DIY renovator.
The Broadwaters’ experience of doing life in the midst of a major house renovation demonstrates marriage recovery, and her expertise as a counselor shapes lessons for married people everywhere in an honest, easy-reading, and relatable telling.
As empty-nesters, we were looking for affordable housing and hadn’t renovated a house since before our children were in high school. We wanted to have quality time for their busy activities. We would never have taken such an involved project in this up and coming neighborhood with them at home.
Why this house? What about it caused you to choose this house?
In looking for a cottage, we wanted something that spoke of historic Charleston, but our budget was limited because of needing to purchase with cash. Many of these homes don’t qualify for a mortgage. In looking at several potential cottages, this one was by far the worst of all of the choices, but its appeal was the wrought iron and the piazza porch. A mini-version of the houses on the other side of the parkway. We knew the potential.
Why write this book?
As a marriage counselor, I felt the stressors we faced through this tedious process could benefit others. I am a memoirist and what a better story than this renovation. There are no exaggerations, it’s all true.
What made you say your experiences are noteworthy?
Knowing what other couples face on a day-in-day-out basis, I knew the lessons and hardships we experienced could benefit others. I was willing to be vulnerable and take the hit to generalize what many of us face working on a committed relationship. It pushes us to the limit at times. My hope is to help others who are struggling.
What do you hope readers will glean from your experiences?
We have a choice to let life push us apart or to make us stronger, but it takes both of us working toward that goal. If I can help couples return to a deeper level of mutual respect and chose to pull together whether its in-law issues, children, finances, or in our case a renovation.
Where can people purchase your book?
Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Target online.
Barnes and Noble in Mt Pleasant, SC on the shelf.
Mountain View Press and Redemption Press websites
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Denise Broadwater has been a licensed professional counselor in South Carolina for ten years, treating anxiety, depression, life adjustments, and marriages. She has an MA in clinical counseling and began her career as a family therapist working with at-risk families and youth. Additionally, Denise has an M.Ed in education administration with several years of teaching experience in private education. She is a wife and the mother of three children and recently added “Nana” to her list of titles. She enjoys rowing at the gym, cooking new recipes, sewing quilts, and blogging at Life Lights Blog (emptynestmarriage.com) and
Suggested Interview Questions:
- Did you live in Charleston long prior to buying this cottage?
- What lead you to want a project like this?
- Why this house? What about it caused you to choose this?
- Why write this book? What made you say your experiences are noteworthy?
- What is one incident during these months that sticks out to you?
- Has the city been easy to work with throughout the process?
- What about the neighborhood as a whole? Do you know your neighbors?
- Would you advise others to take on a renovation?
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