Healthy Habits: Post Partum Depression

I had a chance to interview PPD therapist and author of THIS IS POSTPARTUM: Free Yourself from the Perfect Mother Conspiracy (June 16), Tilda Timmers. Tilda offers hope and advice for all moms who may be struggling, especially during the

pandemic. She has been offering "Mindful Mama" virtual meditation and mindfulness sessions to help cope.  Tilda is a mom of two, therapist and coach specialising in supporting women around the world through their motherhood journey. Tilda suffered from PPD after the birth of her first child, and right now during Mental Health Month is a good time to get some information on this important topic.

PPD can be difficult to deal with even with support - how can women manage PPD in the midst of a pandemic?
These are trying times for new moms (and dads). Try to open up about what you’re going through as much as you can. Talk with your spouse, your friend, your mom or your sister. It doesn’t matter who you confide in, as long as you start sharing your thoughts and feelings. This way, you feel less isolated and alone while going through PPD. It is also important to lower the bar and not be too hard on yourself. A lot of moms who I see in my practice tend to aim for perfection, which is almost never achievable. This makes them feel like a failure and end up in a negative spiral they can’t get out of.
Please remember: there is no such thing as the perfect mom. But there are a million ways to be a good mom.

How can uncertainty and fear be embraced?
I believe mindfulness is key in this. Mindfulness will help you accept what you can’t change and live in the here and now. Fearing the future or what might happen is only human. But it doesn’t make you feel good and 99% of the time you don’t know what will actually happen. Try to accept that you feel insecure or anxious, grab these thoughts and emotions and then let them float away in a balloon, Moses basket, cloud, etc. Envision how they are floating away and how the fear or insecurity is fading away from you. After that, tell yourself some positive affirmations like: “I love myself unconditionally” or “I’m good, just the way I am.” Write these affirmations on post-its through the house on the fridge, mirrors, the toilet, etc. and repeat them multiple times a day.

What are some tips for new moms who are cooped up at home?
Try to make a schedule with your partner, which one of you works, studies, works-out, watches Netflix, etc. And which one of you takes care of the baby. This way it will become clear when both of you have some alone time. Once you are in your me-time zone, try to look for things you can do instead of looking at what you can’t do at the moment. For example, taking a nice long shower or bath, painting your toenails, watching a TV show, meditating or reading a good book. Find the comforting activities you can do from home, and do them.

Credit: Marloes Verleij

How can new mothers maintain positive relationships with their partners during quarantine?
Keep communicating about what’s going on in your mind, your body and between the two of you. If you’re constantly communicating about these things, you can avoid massive blow ups and irritation. It’s important to share your true feelings, even when they are dark and awkward. It will prevent you from getting that lonesome feeling or believing that your partner doesn’t understand you. He or she can’t look inside your head, so you have to tell them what you need from them or what you desire the most. Or maybe you don’t know what you want and just want to be held. Show each other affection, even on the days you feel like you want to strangle your spouse. It’s normal when you’re cooped up in the house 24/7. Giving each other a hug, a kiss or holding each other’s hand will release Oxytocin, the feel good hormone. This will make you like each other more and attach to each other more. Stay intimate. I don’t just mean sex, but also to reconnect on that physical level as well. A nice massage, a stroke over the arm. Start looking for the things you do have in common and plan a date night at home once a week. Make time for each other and invest in your relationship.