Motherhood is the one journey that changes you forever. It doesn’t matter whether you plan for it or it just happens because there is no going back. I feel it to be the most rewarding and exhausting road I have been down. Just when you are feeling like you can’t go on that little person snuggles into your lap and looks at you telling you how much they love you. It is these moments that make this journey so worthwhile those times that give you the energy to push through. I remember looking at both of my children wondering how it was possible to love something so much. Looking back there is not one single thing that has enlightened me in the way motherhood has. I am one of those mothers that simply loves this journey.
Before I became a mother, I thought I understood it all. I had a vision of what motherhood was all about and I was so wrong. I was everything between a planner and a wild card. I embraced everything that came my way without knowing. My work defined me. I worked in a male dominated world always having to prove myself and push through to the next level. I learned what drive was and how to use it to propel me forward. I fell on my face a few times, but I always got up and brushed myself off. These lessons prepared me for my journey ahead and they gave me grit. Grit is a common thread I see with a lot women. Grit and drive are unstoppable when used together. Although, I became a master at these skills, nothing prepared me for what lay ahead with motherhood.
I remember walking to her incubator and seeing this tiny creature that fit into the palm of my hand. She had tubes coming out of her everywhere and her skin was translucent like that of a baby bird. This was my baby girl. I felt so helpless unable to hold her and heal her. She had holes in her heart and her health was day by day. I remember the nurses would lay her on my bare chest and I would sit with her for hours singing and praying she would get healthy. Two months later, I was allowed to dress her in real clothes. It gave me a sense of control. I had tried to control everything in my life always weighing the consequences and making smart decisions for myself. Having a sick baby taught me that some things we cannot control, rather we must adapt.
I had always been someone who ate healthy and ran six days a week. I remember being so angry wondering why I had been given a sick baby not understanding only learning to survive. You know when people mean well, but they look at you and tell you that you are strong and you will survive. I was tired of surviving and angry. Slowly, my daughter became healthy and after an eternity living in the hospital we got to go home. Today she is feisty, smart, and unstoppable. She is my inspiration and words can never really describe how difficult that time was for both of us. It felt like forever, but it merely was a moment in time.
You may not have had a sick baby, but you know these moments. The ones where you want to crumble in a heap on the floor and let someone else take over. Instead, you go into the bathroom, lock the door, have a quick cry, wipe your tears, put a smile on your face and make everything okay for your babies. The moments when you lie awake at night wondering how to pay the bills or how to help your child with a learning disability. We are mothers and we never stop. Instead, we learn how to pivot using our drive to push forward. Mothers are masters at using grit and drive to navigate life for their children. Further, we always have a choice we can allow these moments to define us or we can embrace them, find the good, and grow from them.
The state of the world is uncertain right now. I know it is scary. Our normal has been disrupted and now it is up to us to pivot and give our children the security they are looking for. Some of us have lost our jobs unable to provide for our children. Others of us are working from home and missing the human connections. Still others are coping with loss and trying to understand how it all could happen, so fast. As a world, our foundations are being tested and people are trying to survive. Although, I have never lived during a time of a pandemic, I have survived other extremely tough moments. I want you to look at this major shift in your life and pull the good out of it. I will explain how I am doing it in hopes that it inspires you to find your drive and return to a place of happiness and security.
All of the skills you have been developing throughout motherhood has prepared you for this better than anything else. You are a master at multi-tasking, organizing your time, and you know when to sit back and just let things be. You are a mother. You have the responsibility of another person’s wellness all on you. You can handle it because you may not always know the how, but you just do it because for most mothers it becomes instinct. Then the pandemic hit and we all began to question those instincts.
At first when we were told to stay home and isolate. I was completely overwhelmed. I am fortunate to come from a place of privilege before having my children so I knew we would be okay. I bought a cow for the freezer from a local farmer and I planted an extra-large garden to prepare for the pandemic. I could not help but to feel a tremendous wave of gratitude as I thought about other mothers living in condos or small lots in the city. My children were still running outside everyday playing on the farm. Many children were living in homes with stressed parents and spending their days on screens. My heart ached for the children in less than ideal living situations. I felt selfish worrying about losing my time to go for a run or work in my office. I was trying to teach my children and keep them off screens as much as possible. I felt as though I was making snacks or cleaning the extra messes all day long. I needed some routine in our lives to stop the spiraling out of control feeling. I sat with my children and made a plan for our days.
We woke early every morning and went for a bike ride, run, walk, or yoga. My son loves yoga and he was determined to teach me to enjoy it. After our morning exercise session, we cooked together. I found this really beneficial as my children planned their meals and we ordered groceries online together. They now love cooking and planning a meal. After breakfast, we would do two to three hours of school work. Both of my children struggle with reading and writing so this has given me a chance to really work with them and build their confidence. After, some school work we made lunch together and then the children would head outside to play. Our days became much more relaxed and I found my children blossoming because they had time to really explore their learning. Every afternoon I would get on my computer for a couple of hours just so I did not feel completely sunk at work. The schools opened but I decided to continue the routine with my children at home. Our pace of life is slower and they no longer felt pressure and anxiety around school. We share so many meaningful conversations that never happened before we were forced to slow down. The pandemic has created a shift for us. It too is a moment in time and I am sure my children will want to return to school with their friends in the future, but for now I am going to enjoy every day we are together.
I know the pandemic has not been as adaptable for many families. However, I encourage you to look at the needs of your household and make the changes that you think will bring more peace to your days. Here are some things that will help you to negotiate this new pace.
Don’t Worry About What Other People are Doing
You are the mother. You know what is best for your children because no one has their interests at heart the way you do. Some mothers will choose to send their children to school, others want to homeschool, and yet others do un-school. Do what you need to for your children. Don’t apologize for your choices.
Stop the Mom Guilt
Do not worry if your children have more screen time than normal. You are trying to adapt and it takes some time. Figure it out, own your decisions and stop feeling guilty. Children are extremely resilient and I promise they will be okay. Get up and make your bed. Have your children so the same and you will all feel as though you are ready for your day and you’ve accomplished something.
Do Not Over Schedule
Often times, I see mothers with the best intentions over plan their children’s days. Children need time to explore and learn through play so do not structure too many activities into their days. They actually learn much more with free play. Make one or two activities you need to get done then turn them loose. We read, do some math, and usually write a little bit every day.
Involve the Children
My children are embracing responsibility. They help to grocery shop, clean the house, feed the animals, and plan their days. These skills will serve them well in the future. Your children are capable of helping so much so let them try. It allows them a sense of self-worth and responsibility, while helping you out. I find when they help with the meal planning and grocery shopping they eat better too.
Make a Plan
Plan your time during the day with your children and how you can schedule time to work. Stick to a routine for your children. Keep their bed time fairly consistent and this will make planning some work time for you a lot easier.
The pandemic is fluid and who better to be flexible with change than mothers. Savor the slower pace of life and really begin to enjoy your children. Understand that the entire world is feeling uncertain so if you need an extension at work ask for it rather than cripple yourself trying to get it done. You may need to pivot and change your career. Look for opportunities that resonate with you and create meaningful work. Take each day as a fresh new opportunity and when one door closes another always opens. You are a pillar of strength, whether your feel it right now or not. Look for the good in your days and make sure you get outside every day for your mental health. Momma remember to breathe because you got this!
In Love and Light,
Sherri
Sherri is a life strategist who focuses specifically on women who are going through a transitional phase in their life, but are longing to complete the goals they set for themselves, but don’t know how or never accomplished them. For many women, there is a point when they become selfless (marriage or motherhood), or feel broken (divorced or let go from their job), and do not believe, or know how to accomplish the things they wish they had.
Having not only built and sold multiple multi-million dollar businesses, but Sherri is also a full-time mother and wife, whose husband is only home a couple of weeks of the year due to running a successful business. She has obtained both the business and emotional acumen to help women from dreaming about their goals to making them done!
Whether it is a woman going through a divorce, a new mother, or recently unemployed, Sherri is here to help them through their transition and prove that no matter what phase of life you are in, your goals are still achievable!
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