Book Nook: Raising Other People's Children

May is National Foster Care Month, which makes it the perfect time to learn more about foster parenting. Written by Debbie Ausburn, an attorney and foster parent, Raising Other People's Children is part parenting guide and part self-help.

 Raising Other People's Children helps one navigate the complicated world of foster and step-parenting with better awareness and greater empathy, providing real-life solutions for forging strong relationships in extraordinary circumstances.

Drawing on Debbie Ausburn’s decades of experience with every facet of the foster care system, Raising Other People's Children provides expert guidance viewed through the lens of real human interactions.

The responsibility and complexity involved in raising someone else’s child can seem overwhelming. Regardless of whether someone is a stepparent, foster parent or adoptive parent, it is on them to take on the challenge of caring for the child, helping them to move forward while also meeting their unique emotional needs.

I had a chance to learn more in this interview.

Why is it so important for people to consider foster care?

It is important for people to consider foster care for a couple of reasons. Kids need adults in their lives to help them overcome trauma, whether we can be there long-term or only temporarily. Beyond that, fostering teaches parents invaluable lessons and helps us grown beyond our current boundaries. Being a foster parent (and later a stepparent) is the most challenging thing I have ever done in my life, but it also is the most rewarding thing.

Why did you write this book?

I wrote the book because I saw foster parents and stepparents making the same mistakes I had made early on.  We try to replace a child’s parents, rather than being a mentor or trusted adult in their lives. From the child’s perspective, we are not the people who are supposed to be there and we never will be. But that’s OK. We can still forge a strong and rewarding relationship with them.  My children taught me how to do that. I wanted to let other parents also raising other people’s children know those same lessons.

If people are considering foster care, what are some important things for them to know?

If people are considering foster care, they need to know several things.  First, we can never completely replace a child’s biological parents. They will always have a need, deep down and not reachable by logic, to know their biological roots. If they are old enough to remember their parents, they will spend a lot of time and energy trying to restore that relationship. We need to be willing to help them have as healthy a relationship with their biological parents as they can. Next, we need to be willing to have our relationships be one-way. Children rarely understand gratitude, and when they do, they don’t want to be objects of charity. We have to be willing to do the heavy lifting to make a relationship exist and have whatever strong foundations we can build. Finally, we have to be willing to make a commitment that will outlast the child’s trauma. The biggest problem for foster children is disrupted placements. They often just pass through foster homes, never staying long enough to learn how to establish a healthy relationship. Sometimes we don’t have the resources a child needs and we have to let them go. But we need to go into the placement with the commitment to stay with them through a lot of attitude and behavior problems that their trauma causes.

How can people support foster children and families even if they aren't in a position to provide foster care themselves?

If people cannot provide long term care, they can support foster families in several ways. First, they can get licensed to provide respite care — i.e., take the child for a few hours or a few days at a time to allow the foster parents to have a date night or a weekend away. Second, they can ask the foster families what resources their child needs. Some state budgets don’t extend to birthday presents, for example. At the extreme ends, the child may need therapy or medical services that are outside the foster agency’s and parents’ budgets. Something as small as a restaurant gift card can have an outsize benefit to foster parents. Finally, foster parents need a community of people who will support them, listen, encourage, and provide advice. Loneliness can be the biggest burden that foster parents have to bear.


Debbie Ausburn is a social worker, foster parent, criminal prosecutor, and civil trial attorney. That background has given her unique insights into defending child care centers, camps, schools, and mentoring organizations. She has volunteered with and defended youth-serving organizations throughout the United States in matters as diverse as personal injury cases, intrusive government regulations, libel and slander issues, and claims of sexual abuse. She blogs about legal topics at youthserviceslaw.com, and parenting issues at otherpeopleschildren.org. She is based in Atlanta, GA.

Natalie Ford, PhD writes the foreword to the book. She is the Assistant Professor of Behavioral Sciences and Degree Coordinator for the Masters in Counseling at Truett McConnell University (TMU). She earned a Ph.D. in Professional Counseling from Liberty University. Dr. Ford is a Licensed Professional Counselor and practices at a community counseling center. She authored the book, Tears to Joy: Finding Hope in the Presence of Bipolar Disorder and Suicide.