Book Nook: Making a Baby

Making a Baby by Rachel Greener is an inclusive guide on how every family begins and tools for conversations between parents and their young ones. 

It’s an unabashed and unapologetic portrayal of who we are, how we came to be, and how families are made. It answers the age old “Where did I come from” question as well as all young reader’s questions about their life in full detail, from conception to birth, and how they were able to join their family. It shows that since there’s more than one way to make a baby, there is more than one way to make a family – whether babies are born through fertilization, IVF, IUI, adoption, or surrogacy; proving above all that families can be made from anywhere and with anyone.

I had a chance to learn more in this interview.

 

Why did you write this book?

Making a Baby was conceived while I was on maternity leave with my first child. I was invited to a job interview with the CEO of Nosy Crow, an award-winning, independent UK publisher, who was looking for someone to run the children’s non-fiction list. As part of the interview process, I was asked to present an idea for “a children’s non-fiction book on any subject that doesn’t exist, but that is necessary”. Given my recent experience of becoming a parent and knowing so many people in many different situations who were considering how they might start families of their own, I decided to research books about how babies were made, to see if things had moved on since I was a child being introduced to ‘the facts of life’ myself.

 

As I read through book after book, I realised that there was nothing out there that actually got down to the biological truth of the matter that was appropriate for young children. And, just as important, these books didn’t reflect the stories of many contemporary families: almost all referred only to a ‘mommy’ and a ‘daddy’, and not one of them mentioned egg or sperm donation, adoption, surrogacy, IVF or, indeed, the things that can sometimes go wrong. 

 

I believe that all children should be able to see their lives reflected in books, but in these books I was reading, many children’s birth or family stories were obscured or suppressed. So, I was clear that there was a book that didn’t exist but that was necessary: a book that explained to children really clearly and honestly the fundamentals of how every single person on this planet is made, and the many different ways that this can happen. It was especially important to me that the many ways babies and families begin should all be presented as equally valid.

 

I presented the idea. I got the job. And a few months later the CEO asked me: “When are we seeing this making a baby book then?” And so I began to write. I’m not an expert on the subject, so we worked with a number of consultants, including one of the UK’s leading LGBTQ+ organisations; an experienced midwife; a biology teacher; and an academic expert on cell biology biochemistry. Finding the right illustrator was key, too, and Clare Owen rose to the challenge of giving real heart and warmth to the character-led scenes while managing to convey the science in a clear and easily digestible manner. 

 

Why is it important for parents and caregivers to have conversations with their kids about the various ways families are created?

Every family’s journey is different, and every family is unique. By being transparent with children about the many ways that families can begin, we can encourage them to be more empathetic by giving them the understanding that other people’s situations may be different from their own. Similarly, by presenting the many ways that families can begin on a level playing field, we are teaching children that there is no ‘right or wrong’ way to be part of a family, because the way every family begins is equally valid. As the wonderful author-illustrator Sophie Beer says in the title of her recent book: Love Makes a Family.

 

Why should these conversations start early?

Deciding how and when to share information about how babies are made and families begin is different for every family. The more comfortable and confident you feel as an adult sharing this information, the more comfortable and confident your child will feel discussing the topic.

 

When reading or being read to, children tend to focus on the things that are relevant to them, and to ‘read over’ or ‘file for later’ things which are beyond their level of comprehension. For this reason, the artwork and text of the book has been designed to give information at a range of levels of complexity, so that it can be shared with both very young children and independent older readers.

 

If you choose to share this book with a child under five, the simplest approach to sharing the content is to let the child look at the pictures that interest them and tell you what they see.

 

When asked about what was happening on the page which explains sex, for example, my four-year-old told me that the room was very messy as there were clothes all over the floor. As the cut-away diagrams are beyond my child’s current comprehension level, the main focus was the room itself. We used this as a starting point to talk about why the people in the picture had needed to take their clothes off in order to make a baby.

 

As another example, a child might choose to focus on the naked babies and adults. This is an opportunity to talk about how the bodies they are seeing on the page are the same as each other in many ways and different in others. This is a good chance to expand your child’s vocabulary and give them the tools to label their own anatomy correctly. You can practise using these terms at other times, too, such as bath time or when they are getting dressed.

 

You can choose to follow the language used in the book, or you can paraphrase the content in a way that you feel your child will understand. The aim is to normalise conversations around how babies are made, to encourage your child to ask questions, and to build confidence as an adult to give clear and direct answers.

 

For children aged up to seven, even if your child is a confident reader, I would recommend this remains a shared reading experience, as the main aim of this book is to provide a jumping off point for further conversation about your own family’s story, should you wish to share this information with your child.

 

You may prefer to initially focus on the text in bold, which summaries the key content on each page – and to have general discussions around the artwork based on your child’s interest in particular scenes or images. Alternatively, you may find your child has the attention span and understanding to follow all of the text, including the diagrams, or somewhere in-between. The book can be read chronologically, or you can dip in and out, focusing on just a few pages at a time.

 

Allowing older, independent readers free access to this title means that they can find the answers they want without adult intervention, although it is always helpful to remain available to answer any questions your child may have.

 

Sometimes, your child might ask a question which you know is explained in the book in more detail, and you can refer them to the correct page and read it with them. Alternatively, you could ask them to use the knowledge they have gained from reading the book to come up with a possible answer themselves and discuss their response together.

 

Every family, and every child, is unique. Whatever the age of your child – I hope that you find this book a valuable tool for opening up the discussion around how babies are made, how they grow, and how your family began.