Platitudes and pot roasts are nice gestures, but sometimes, what we really need is to hear that we’re not alone in our pain. Offering glimpses of hope to families impacted by addiction was Christine Naman’s motivation for writing About Natalie, her deeply personal, compelling book in which she opens up about her role as the mother of a heroin addict. It’s raw. It’s candid. And it’s a story that millions of people across our country can relate to.
You can learn more in this interview.
Why did you write About Natalie? I wrote About Natalie for two reasons. First, I wanted to reach out to people like myself who had loved ones who were suffering from the disease of addiction. As my daughter Natalie struggled, so did I. It was a very lonely, painful existence. A life where I felt isolated, ashamed and misunderstood. I wanted to provide comfort and company to others who were in the middle of the same journey as I was.
What is the book’s message? In the book I am honest and real in letting people get to know what it really feels to be the parent of an addict. There are two messages that I would hope to convey. First, is that if you are the loved one of an addict, you are not alone. And secondly, that addicts are not monsters. They are our children, grand children, nieces and nephews, the child of your good friend, the boy next door, the young lady at church. They are valuable loved people who need and deserve our compassion and understanding.
What were the most helpful words anyone ever spoke to you about Natalie’s addiction? "Take Care of yourself" When they said this, it almost sounded wrong to me. My daughter was in great need. I felt that every bit of my energy needed to be focused solely on her and making her well. But it was pointed out to me that I was only going to be able to help Natalie if I was well. They also told me that it was okay for me to live. Throughout so much of our experience, I always felt that part of being a good mother was stopping my own life in order to fix my daughter's life. I know now that this was not the case. I was allowed to take care of me and live too.
What was the most helpful thing anyone ever did? The most helpful thing that anyone has ever done for me is having that simple cup of tea or coffee with me. Setting aside that little bit of time to listen. We don't expect people to solve our problem with magic words or solutions. Just listening helps so much.
Do you have any advice for parents struggling with their children? I am not one to give advice. But if I were to offer any at all, in addition to telling people to take care of themselves, my advice would be that people educate themselves. I was horribly uneducated as to the warning signs of drug use. And I regret this. As there always is, there were plenty of signs that I didn't see or misread. And I wish that I would have known what I was looking at earlier.
What can other people who are not struggling with their own children do to help those who do know this heartache? Like I mentioned before, setting aside that little be of time to just be a sympathetic, understanding, listening friend helps so much. Also, for me, what really helps is when people ask about Natalie. Don't be afraid to ask about them by name. It is hurtful when people avoid inquiring about our children like you normally would. Also, keep an open mind. And as difficult as it is, try not to judge. There is far too much hurtful judgement out there.
Can you share an update about how you and Natalie are doing? I am so happy to report that both Natalie and me are in a good place. I have learned to take care of me while still being there for my daughter. And while Natalie is a work in progress, she is clean from heroin and fentanyl for about two years now and is rebuilding a good life for herself. She is back to being her beautiful, brilliant, quirky, kind self. And I can't tell you how much joy and pride that gives this mother. They can and do recover.
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