The choices that you make as a parent can have a significant impact on the emotional and psychological development of your child.
In the 1960s, clinical psychologist Dianne Baumrind categorized four different types of parenting styles- Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive and Uninvolved.
However, to accommodate the ever-changing attitudes and viewpoints of todays parents, behavioral analyst Elizabeth Jordan has tweaked these categories to reflect a more modern sensibility.
She categorizes them as The Fair Judge (reasonable and nurturing with high and clear expectations), The Dictator (thought of as a disciplinarian), The Permissive Parent (let their children do what they want with limited guidance) and The Absent Parent (give children a lot of freedom and generally stay out of their way).
According to Jordan, Fair Judge parenting is ideal for raising a well-rounded child. “Fair Judge parenting should be the goal for any parent,” says Jordan. “A Fair Judge parent will put effort into creating a positive relationship with your child that takes their feelings into consideration, while still enforcing rules and giving consequences.”
Why is it important for parents and caregivers to recognize their styles of parenting?
In the 1960s Diane Baumrind identified 4 parenting styles that psychologists and behaviorists most commonly reference today. They are important to know because they help you as a parent be aware and remain accountable for the parenting style you chose. Tweaking these categories to reflect a more modern sensibility I've renamed them: 1. The Fair Judge 2. The Dictator 3. The Permissive Parent 4. The Absent Parent.
Why are these four styles important to know?
Consider how Weight Watchers works. You are explained the scientific consequences and benefits of your calorie intake or your eating behaviors. You are held accountable for tracking your eating behaviors and simultaneously witness your body respond by gaining or losing weight based on your actions. Understanding the correlation between your eating behaviors and your body's response and parenting is not un-similar in nature at all. Understanding the 4 parenting styles and the natural scientifically proven responses of most children to each style, is the only alternative to "winging" parenting and hoping for the best. Imagine not knowing the calorie value of food and trying to lose weight based on what feels right.
How can parents find a balance between caving in and absolute control?
The Fair Judge parenting style is the secret in finding the balance between caving in and absolute control. Imagine a fair judge on the bench in a courtroom. The judge is obligated to listen and cross examine all sides then make a ruling based on a fair judgment. This judgment is based on fact, not emotion or ego. Most importantly, once the decision is made it is firmly set and the child knows that further negotiations are useless and disregarding the final ruling brings forth harsher consequences - like in a real courtroom.
How is humor a useful tool?
As the saying goes: In every joke there is a bit of truth. Children by nature are more playful than adults. They feel comfortable and understand the holistic value of humor better than adults. Channeling your inner playful child and combining it with your more experienced adult self is a hugely effective communication skill to master with both children and fellow adults alike.
How can parents and caregivers become more effective at building relationships and parenting skills?
Practice makes perfect. There is no quick, secret to success in anything in life other than good intentions, practice and sticktoitiveness (yes, that's a word). Research, communication and the ability to bounce back from failure and try again, is the only thing anyone can do to improve their relationship with their children. A parent looking for shortcuts and quick solutions should try being a Dictator, A Permissive Parent or An Absent Parent. But be warned: short-term parenting strategies bring about even shorter-term solutions and can bring about consequences that can extend throughout a child's lifetime.
Elizabeth Jordan is a behavioral analyst who earned both a Master of Fine Arts and a Master of Science degree while simultaneously raising five children. She was an artist in residence at the Museum of Art and Design and will soon be opening a center to offer job training, art, music and movement to children and adults with autism. She has worked closely with renowned fashion designer Donna Karan, with Elizabeth’s work represented at all of Karan’s nonprofit Urban Zen Centers. Elizabeth’s upcoming NSFW picture book, Don't Be A Pusi: An Inappropriate and Politically Incorrect Book for Entitled Teens and Their Traumatized Parents, will break down the dangers of permissive parenting.
Elizabeth Jordan is a behavioral analyst who earned both a Master of Fine Arts and a Master of Science degree while simultaneously raising five children. She was an artist in residence at the Museum of Art and Design and will soon be opening a center to offer job training, art, music and movement to children and adults with autism. She has worked closely with renowned fashion designer Donna Karan, with Elizabeth’s work represented at all of Karan’s nonprofit Urban Zen Centers. Elizabeth’s upcoming NSFW picture book, Don't Be A Pusi: An Inappropriate and Politically Incorrect Book for Entitled Teens and Their Traumatized Parents, will break down the dangers of permissive parenting.
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