Book Nook: To Where You Are

Everyone’s timeline for healing after trauma is different. Author and political advocate Jason Fisher has been healing since 2012 when he lost his wife unexpectedly. Fisher suddenly found himself a single parent raising a child with a rare disability. His experiences would eventually fuel his desire to lobby for significant legislative changes and spur his run for U.S. Senate. But perhaps his most widely impactful effort is the publication of his deeply moving memoir, To Where You Are. In it, Fisher details his story of discovering unconditional love, dealing with grief and finding a light to guide him forward.

To Where You Are honors his late wife, while providing a lens through which others may view a path leading beyond their own personal challenges.

“I spent many years summoning the emotional courage to write this book—our love story. It kept calling to me, and I never gave up because it was a story worth telling,” says Fisher. “The memories that I made with my wife, particularly in the short time we were together with our daughter as a family, are priceless to me.”

The heartache following his young wife’s sudden death led Fisher on a tumultuous journey as a widower and a single father to a 2-year-old daughter with special needs, requiring him to adapt to a world he had never imagined facing. Through his grief and pain, Fisher is reminded of “how special my wife, Mandi, was as a person. She was the brightest star in my universe and taught me so much about the meaning of unconditional love.

“Life is unpredictable and can give you incredibly difficult challenges at times,” he continues. “The road to healing after facing a crisis is rarely straight or paved smoothly. Surrounding yourself with people who amplify the best version of yourself and give you that confidence boost when you need it most is paramount.”

Now seeing the world through a different lens, Fisher committed himself to speaking out when he saw things that needed to change. As he realized the considerable support needed to work full-time and care for a child with a disability, Fisher began to see that changes were needed in government legislation to make a positive, more meaningful difference in people’s lives.

Awakened by a new sense of purpose, Fisher ran for the United States Senate in one of modern history's most watched races. “I wanted to use my personal experience, along with my academic and professional skill set, to give back in a more meaningful way. Mandi was an indirect catalyst and strong motivator for that happening,” he says.

“Through writing this book, and through watching my daughter grow and persevere, I have gained a measure of closure that eluded me for so long,” Fisher adds.

You can learn more in this interview.

Why did you write this book?
First and foremost, I wanted to memorialize my wife and tell the world about the wonderful human being she was in life. I wanted my daughter, just two years old at the time, to someday have the opportunity to understand who her mother was and how we came to be as a family. And selfishly, I needed to purge my soul of the countless stories in my journey, both positive and negative, that I largely kept to myself all these years. That was important for me as part of the healing process.

I also wrote this book for others to see inside the circumstances of somebody who experienced intense grief and trauma, including how they can evolve and reclaim happiness over time. People who have experienced a profound loss in their life often aren’t alone in their journey, as much as it can sometimes feel that way. Everyone has a different grief path; a different set of circumstances that makes their situation unique. And while I believe there is no universal way to heal that applies to everyone, being committed to reclaiming your life of happiness is the first step in the process. I’m hopeful this book can provide some measure of perspective for those suffering as well as those who support them.

Why is it so important for people who lose a spouse to know they aren't alone?
When a spouse loses a partner, time stops for them. In the weeks and months after the loss, it feels as if the rest of the world goes back to their normal lives. But for the person who is grieving, there is a battle waging between staying in the past and being forced into the future. Acceptance is such a difficult part of this journey.

Surviving spouses often lose connections with friends and even extended family they had with their spouse while they were married. Their social identity undergoes great change. They may stop going to the same places they once frequented with their husband or wife. They also may begin to turn down opportunities to be around people, not wanting to subject friends and family to moments of sudden grief they experience, seemingly out of nowhere. Essentially, their pattern of life becomes significantly disrupted and many inevitably retreat to being alone. It is in these moments that they can drift toward significant depression, feeling that their best days are behind them and that they have little to look forward to in the future.

How can people support those who are single parents due to the loss of a spouse?
First, show compassion without judgment. Single parenting is hard, and single parenting while grieving is extremely challenging. If you’re close to a person who loses a spouse, do your best to remain close after the loss. They will need their space and time to grieve, but stay connected with them through more than social media. Friend abandonment after loss is real and adds to the trauma the grief-stricken are already experiencing.

When children are involved, there can be even more added pressure and stress. Much depends on the circumstances of the family unit – age of the children, proximity to close family, financial pressures with the loss of income, or other unseen emotional factors. The surviving parent feels a tremendous responsibility to fill the void of their late spouse for their children. It’s important they understand they are not in it alone. Months may go by before grief really sets in. Be there for them however you can. Something as simple as offering to watch the children for the afternoon or evening can help tremendously. It will take time for life to adjust to a new normal for those facing significant loss.


ABOUT JASON FISHER
Jason Fisher is a nonprofit executive, a passionate community advocate and a proud father to his daughter, Mackenzie, who has a rare chromosomal disorder and accompanying disabilities. He was married to his wife, Mandi, for nearly six years before she passed away unexpectedly at the age of 30. You can find him online on Instagram:@towhereyouarebook; Facebook:@JasonFisherToWhereYouAre; or on his website: www.towhereyouare.org.