Saturday, February 12, 2022

Book Nook: Mending My Mind

 Sara Church, author of the new book Mending My Mind, spent much of her childhood living below the poverty level.  Her mother was a crystal meth addict. One summer she lived in a tent. This caused her severe, constant anxiety and distress.

Filled with shame, she became hooked on receiving external validation as she grew older through both her studies and ultimately, her career.  She put herself through college by working two jobs.  She got her graduate degree at night.  Today, she’s a successful biotech executive.

 

But hard work wasn’t all it took for her to get there: she also needed to overcome the trauma that her childhood poverty and parental addiction led to.  The trauma nearly destroyed her chance at happiness despite her professional success.

 

Ultimately, through a journey of self-exploration and with the help of therapy, Sara was able to heal and retrain her mind -- and reap true satisfaction from both her career and her personal life.


I had a chance to interview her to learn more.


How did you work your way to your current position?


I spent much of my childhood living below the poverty level.  My single-mother scraped by working as a waitress at restaurants including Pizza Hut and Denny’s. She also battled with substance abuse and sometimes her money went to drugs instead of food. Ultimately, I was living on my own at age 15 and had to work in a restaurant to pay the bills. This was my first step out of poverty.


The harder I worked in the restaurant, the more praise and security I received. I was promoted from busing tables to serving tables and with it was more money from tips. More money increased my confidence and gave me a sense of security that had been missing from my life. I learned important habits such as showing up on time, giving it my all with each table I served, being collaborative with coworkers, being prepared (e.g., knowing the daily specials, wine list), and focusing on serving others.


In college and my role outside of college, I employed these same skills. Today, I’m a successful biotech executive. My work is more than a career to me: It is a calling to serve others. 


How did addiction affect your life?

You could say that the need to overcome the shame of poverty and parental addiction played a role in driving me to work hard and succeed. I experienced the suffering that drug and alcohol abuse inflicted on users and their families, and I had to make a decision about what I wanted for my life. I decided I wanted a different life. 


How can growing up in poverty contribute to PTSD?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, PTSD may develop in people who have "experienced a shocking, scary, or dangerous event." Not knowing where your next meal will come from can feel threatening to a child and overly tax a child’s developing brain and nervous system. Additionally, a complex form of PTSD results from  prolonged exposure to toxic stress. Living in an environment of chronic ongoing stress from food insecurity and less financial means for stable childhood and stressed parents can all have consequences. 


How has your story impacted you as a parent?

It made me very intentional about the kind of mom I wanted to be and the stability I wanted to provide for my child. For example, I started a college fund for my child when I was 22 and did not actually have my son until I was 40. I wanted to be prepared, but I was overcompensating for my trauma and needed to find the right balance of providing protection, stability, and nurturing for my child and age appropriate autonomy so my son could explore his world. 


What are some steps you have taken to heal from CPTSD?

The first step I took was to find a licensed therapist that specializes in trauma specifically. I needed to learn to do two things:

1) Identify my emotions 

2) Learn how to manage the hard ones in a constructive way. I’m still improving these skills. Also, I used meditation and mindfulness tools. Lastly, I journaled a lot and read other people’s stories. Writing and storytelling was hugely helpful. 




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