Book Nook: The Unspoken - A Soul’s Reflection on Healing from Abuse, Neglect, and Chronic Pain

Greek philosopher Epictetus once said, “It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” This adage perfectly exemplifies how Ashley Haseotes has dealt with her past trauma, son's cancer diagnosis, abuse and neglect. Now an intuitive energy healer, entrepreneur and meditation coach, Ashley's inspiring story of pain, loss and self-healing is showcased in the new memoir The Unspoken.

The Unspoken is a highly personal, transformative story of Ashley Haseotes after her troubling encounter with childhood abuse and neglect, coping with her son’s cancer diagnosis and living with chronic pain.

"Yeah, I've gone through some rough times in my life, but was it really trauma?"

You may have found yourself thinking something along these lines, and you wouldn’t be alone. Trauma comes in many shapes and sizes, and on some level, we have all experienced it. The unfortunate reality is that many of us pass off or downplay situations or circumstances in our lives that are, in fact, emotionally traumatic. Left unattended, this trauma can wreak havoc on our minds and bodies, bringing about physical symptoms of pain and rendering us unsafe, anxious, and feeling unfulfilled.

I had a chance to learn more in this interview.

Why did you write this book?

People have been telling me to write a book for years! To be honest, I never felt my story was any more important or profound than other people’s; I didn’t feel like my story would make a great book, so I never wrote it.

During lockdown I began working with a new therapist who specializes in chronic pain. I had been living with chronic daily migraines at that point for over a year and a half and I needed help getting back on my feet. 

Working with a chronic pain specialist is different than traditional talk therapy. You begin in the present day and with how you are feeling in that very moment in your body. I was so used to the many other therapists I had who guided me as I talked about my past, about what happened to me and around me. This new therapy was different. 

But my brain wanted to catalog my life, I wanted to make a list for her that I could reference for our sessions. 

The minute I closed my zoom at our first session I began typing. I started with Ashley at age 5 and kept typing until I got to Ashley at age 45. Over the course of those months in lockdown I wrote 82,000 words. 

I wrote my book!

Why is it important for people to know the impact they can have on their own healing?

Many of us may describe our childhoods as difficult, maybe even horrible. But we usually downplay what happened- saying that other people had it so much worse than we did.  People are unaware that indeed they suffered through a trauma. It is so common for us to not want to be “the person who had trauma”, it can happen to other people, just not to us. Learning to admit what happened was real, is the first step in giving our pain a voice. We cannot heal when we are ignoring what really happened. In my book I tie my current anxieties and emotional triggers to my past experiences in a somatic way; giving my readers a road map of how they too can unpack what happened to them- and ultimately heal.

Talk therapy is the old way of healing our trauma. In fact, talking about what happened over and over can re-traumatize us. Somatic and trauma therapy work as a mind body approach to healing. Our mind begins to feel safe when our bodies are calm, then we can form new brain pathways toward healing our trauma. I use inner child journaling, meditation, and somatic tracking as tools to become aware of my triggers, calm my nervous system down and live with chronic pain. We are our own best healers because we are the only ones who can do the work no doctor or healer can do the work for us. Feelings of safety can be created for our nervous system, and when we feel safe we can feel our feelings without pain!

How is this book also suitable for people who may not have had the same experience as you?

The Unspoken is for anyone who is struggling in life, who feels stuck, unhappy, for whatever the reason may be; and of course for any chronic pain sufferers.

Ashley Haseotes is an intuitive energy healer and Chopra Center certified meditation coach, as well as the author of The Unspoken. After collapsing into chronic pain from both excessive overworking and suppressed childhood trauma, Ashley underwent a transformative spiritual healing. In recounting this experience, her memoir emerged.

Drawing upon her own experience, Ashley is devoted to helping others work through difficult experiences and deep trauma. As a personal coach, Ashley helps clients who are feeling stuck, struggling, or undergoing any major life shift. And through the charity she founded, One Mission, Ashley helps children and families navigate pediatric cancer and heal after treatment.