Thursday, March 17, 2022

Parenting Pointers: Self-Care for Mothers and Boundaries for Kids

 I recently had a chance to interview celebrity influencer and TV host Tanika Ray, to discuss her new podcast, Mamaste

Mamaste podcast was launched in October 2021 and touches on relatable lifestyle topics such as conscious parenting, mental health, and generational trauma healing.

Why is self-care important for mothers?
The saying on auto repeat in my head is "you can't pour from an empty cup" .
If anyone's cup needs a refill.... it's Mamas Cup.
No matter how you slice it there are hundreds of things every day on the to-do list and it never gets checked off to nothing. Moms are the default for everything that needs to be done in a household, as well as what The brilliant Eve Rodsky calls Invisible Labor like scheduling doctor's appts, researching new cleaners, or signing kids up for soccer. All these tasks fall under Mom's list of drowning duties, which finds Mom deprioritizing herself in order to get it all done. The only way to manage with your sanity intact is Self Care. But even with a standing monthly massage appt and your daily guasha routine, there is always more need to center yourself with care while taking care of all the people in your life who depend on MOM.


Why is it important for parents to teach kids boundaries?
Our babies are US living and breathing outside of our bodies. When they are helpless babies we lovingly put them first and serve them at their beck and cry like lil princes and princesses. Though a beautiful display of epic love, it is also creating their normal. As the baby becomes a toddler and the toddler becomes a big girl/boy they only know Mom feeds, wipes, dresses, bathes, counsels, hugs, and about a million other things with the mere snap of a finger. But when your child is 7/8,  your initial loving care starts to feel like an unpaid, disrespectful internship. For them, it's business as usual, but for mom who once knew a life when she could pee alone,  has fond memories of not having her bathroom invaded by a kid whining "I'm hungry". Or your kid(s) scolding you with "I don't want that for dinner, what else do you have?" when you announce you're making spaghetti. Suddenly the balance of the parent/kid dynamic seems off. Like little birdies, we must slowly teach them how to pick up age-appropriate tasks themselves and how to respect mommy's space and mommy's decisions. If not, the mom will miss the window to rebalance the family dynamic and she may be lost from herself forever.

Why do women need to be more real with other moms?

It's vital Moms get real with each other or the unbelievable job of Mommying will continue to surprise and shock new moms, leaving them unprepared and possibly crying in their bathtubs at the mammoth tasks they are trying to navigate. As society loves to diminish the full-time job ignoring that it requires skillsets more important than how to bake the perfect muffin your kids will love, Moms have the greatest resource of all, other Moms keeping it real! 

“I don’t come from that space where the only thing I’m meant to be is a mother,” Ray says. “This podcast is not for perfect mothers. It’s for the moms, mamas, and mommys who understand raising kids is the hardest, most thankless yet most beautiful experience we will ever have. But mommying isn’t one size fits all.” 

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